


Far From Home

by ShyBear



Category: Rookie Blue
Genre: AU Rookie Blue, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Gail Peck and Holly Stewart AU, Golly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-01
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-02-19 13:17:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 59,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2389643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyBear/pseuds/ShyBear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU beginning in the middle of 3x13 - After a disastrous year of bad romantic relationships, being abducted by a serial killer, trying again and failing (again) to have something real with NIck, Gail takes responsibility for an incident in the lock up of Division 15. Her decision saves her fellow Rookies, but ends her career with the Toronto Police. Alone in a new city, she struggles with her past, building a life, and a giant secret that changes everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. So Far Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail finds herself with a new job, in a new city, with a huge secret.

Mist rose from the river as the first orange rays of the sun peeked out from behind the cool grey blue skyline of the city you now call home. Traffic rumbled softly by, headlights still glowing in the early morning gloom, as you turned onto the bridge and ran on quiet feet toward the office of the MIT Police headquarters in hopes of getting a jump on the day. Your father had pulled a number of strings to get you this job, and you knew you should be more grateful. So you ran, until your legs turned to jelly, the bitterness seeped out of your pours, until all you could hear was the sound of your feet hitting the pavement, and the beating of your own heart.

The students had arrived with you to a new fall semester, in a new place. You knew it was going to be a hot one today, hotter for this time of year than you were accustom. Sweat trickled down your back and between your breasts as you ran. Breathing in the scent of salt air from the distant harbor as a soft cool breeze picked up from the East, reminded you that you are so far from home. You shook your head and picked up your pace. There was no going back.

Everything was wrong. You knew you had been a fool, the realization hitting you too late as you heard the disappointment in your father’s voice. Your mother still hadn’t spoken more than two words to you since the incident, and for once in your adult life you wished that she would. She had been there, sitting taciturnly, at the meeting where you agreed to resign your post immediately after testifying against Ross Perrick, in exchange for not being stripped of your badge and brought up on charges of the wrongful death of a prisoner in police custody due to gross negligence. Somebody had to take the fall for what had happened. You stupidly stepped forward, having listened to your fellow rookies about how being a Peck would save you. Admittedly, if your parents hadn’t used all of their political clout, it would have been worse. A lot worse.

And it was worse. Your stubbornness and pride would not allow you to tell anyone, certainly not your family, about your other predicament, although the signs of your current affliction will become evident soon enough. The one person you should tell was unreachable anyway. Nick left you take a deep undercover assignment the week before you were brought before the tribunal, and would be gone with no contact for at least six months. _So fuck him!_ You knew you were being unfair. Everyone, including you, had wanted in on that assignment. Life isn’t fair. You also knew that with one phone call to your brother, you could inform Nick of the thing you had only recently allowed yourself to acknowledge. But even with all that had happened, or maybe because of it, you wouldn’t let yourself reach out to him. He would, of course, do the chivalrous thing, wanting to do the right thing. Of course he would. He would drop everything for this, and you weren’t sure how you felt about that. Nick had a way of disappearing just as things between you got to be intense, and just when you really needed him. He had left you once before, at the altar no less, and you weren’t sure if you wanted him back this time. You certainly had no intention of returning to Toronto any time soon.

Although Steve, and Traci, and Chris, had each called you at least once a week in the six weeks you have been here, you kept the conversations short, unable to stand listening to the pity in their voices, and finding it harder and harder to keep your secret. Your parents haven’t called at all. No, you are going to keep this to yourself, at least for now.

The last time it had been simple. He had been older, the son of one of your parents’ friends, now an instructor at the academy, and married as well. You had never been in love with him. It had been a simple case of mutual lust fueled by the illicit nature of the affaire, and the flattery of his overwhelming attraction for you. As soon as you discovered your accidental mistake, as he liked to call it, you dealt with it as quickly and efficiently as possible. When it was done, you honestly could say you felt tired, and sore, slightly sad, but mostly relieved. After Perrick, there was no way you could deal with any kind of invasive medical procedure. You had panic attacks just thinking about it. Now, here you were in a strange city, in a foreign country, about to become a single mother by default. You had never been so alone in your life.

The city was waking up now. The scent of diesel fumes from a passing bus becoming almost unbearable as you ran down the tree-lined street passed the tall columns and towering architecture of the front of the University. Crossing at the pedestrian light, you finally stopped to stretch on the steps in front of the student center, before flopping lazily on the grass, allowing the cool earth to drain the heat and remaining tension from your body. Shit. You’d been on staff for over a month now, and really should make that appointment at the MIT health services to confirm what you already knew. Flinging a sweaty arm across your closed eyes, you wondered how this is going to fuck up your already fucked up life. Boston was supposed to be your clean break, your fresh start, and your last chance to redeem yourself. Steve said your mother told him as much. A bitter laugh escapes you as you note the irony that you couldn’t even get that part right.

“This is The People’s Republic of Cambridge, not the City of Boston!” Bobby O’Brien, your new partner, informed you on your first day on the job. Bobby reminds you of Oliver, easily deflecting your snark with off color humor of his own, and taking you under his wing, treating you like another daughter. Coming from a large Irish family, with three sisters and two grown daughters of his own, you are sure your early signs of pregnancy have not gotten past him. Although he doesn’t ask questions, he guilelessly reminds you that you have great health insurance on the day your benefits package kicks in. _God, you miss Oliver!_

You sit up and push yourself off the lawn, stopping to run your fingers through your hair in a vein attempt to tame your messy ponytail. Striding the last few blocks to the station, you ignore the growing hunger in your belly. There will be time to take care of that later. With any luck, Bobby will have a full stash of fresh doughnuts from that crazy doughnut place in Union Square. Just the thought of a Maple Bacon doughnut from there makes you walk faster and your mouth begin to water.

Working for the MIT police force is weird. You have a badge and a gun, and jurisdiction in three cities and then some. MIT and Harvard run their own little fiefdom on this side of the river with somewhat of a rivalry with the Boston University Police on the Boston side. And then there are the actual city police forces to deal with as well. It’s all kinds of confusing, but at least you still feel like a real cop, not a glorified security officer, as you feared when you took this job.

“Well, if it isn’t little Miss Sunshine herself!” Timmy Callahan, a retired Boston Police Sergeant, teases, in his thick South Boston accent, from behind the front desk at the station, “Whadda ya doin’ in so early in the mornin’?”

You roll your eyes and give him your very best look of death. It seems to have little to no affect on him. He winks at you as he buzzes you in.

You make your way to the women’s locker room hoping it will be empty. It’s still before seven as you emerge from the shower, skin glowing pink in the sunlight that filters in through the upper windows, and you have just over an hour to kill before your shift. Basking in the silence of early morning, before the arrival of other officers changing shifts, coming and going, before the day takes hold, you take a minute, just a minute, to be still before it all begins.

The afternoon begins with a call from 2 members of the MIT women’s crew team. You and Bobby park your car and make your way down the banks of the Charles to a place where the reeds grow thick. Yup. That’s a human skeleton all right. Better cordon off the area, detain the rowers, and call it in to the Cambridge Police. As you await their arrival, a tall geeky woman carrying a red bag, wearing tall rubber boots over her blue jeans, a quilted jacket, and a bored expression breezes past you under the crime scene tape. _What the…!_

“Hey Lunchbox!” you call after her, sounding annoyed, “You’re not allowed down there!”

“Thanks! Appreciate it!” She calls back, continuing on her way, paying you no more attention.

You sigh and try to sound exasperated “I said, “ You say louder, “You’re not allowed down there!”

“Who me?” She turns, amusement clearly registering on her face.

You gesture at her. _Like duh! Who else am I talking to? What is wrong with people in this city?!_  

“Oh, no, I am.” Her sparkling eyes and smirk tell you she is finding this situation far too amusing. “I need to get some samples….”

“Who are you?” You interrupt and take what you hope is a menacing step forward. You look around for Bobby, but he is busy interviewing the students, and isn’t helping. In-fact, you can tell that he’s trying hard not to laugh at you.

“The Forensic Pathologist.” She says in a voice that sounds like she is trying to explain something so simple to someone really dense, but her smile never fades.

“Oh, “ You try to brush off your mistake, and move closer, cop swagger fully engaged, “Why didn’t you say so?”

“Sorry, “ Her voice is dripping with sarcasm as she glances at what you called her lunchbox, “I though it was obvious…”

“Only to nerds.” You counter, “Can you come back later?”

Clearly not intimidated, she takes a step in your direction and starts saying something about how you are not up on your medical jurisprudence. You glance at Bobby over her shoulder, who is having a conversation with Cambridge Police Detective Cruz. As she asks you something about if you noticed whether or not the skeleton’s femur is still intact, you shake your head. What you do notice is that Bobby and Detective Cruz definitely are laughing at you. Shit. You refocus on her just as she is spouting something about the postmortem interval. She is now looking at you expectantly.

“Why are you saying all of these words?” You scowl menacingly at her.

She simply smirks at you, before turning away to complete her task at hand.

Before you know it, Bobby has volunteered you to babysit the bones at the Cambridge city morgue. This means you will be stuck with this annoying forensic pathologist for the rest of the day. Great. Just what you need. You sigh and resign yourself to it. At least you will have a quiet afternoon. You think to yourself, _how bad could it be?_


	2. Cats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail spends the day getting to know Holly at the morgue

“Holly, Holly Stewart.” She corrected you in the car after the fourth time you called her Lunchbox, eyes twinkling and lips curled into a gentle lopsided smile.

“Holly, I don’t think we’re in Cambridge anymore…” You had deadpanned, as you pulled into the morgue on Albany St., in Boston.

She shot you a look as if to say you weren’t nearly as funny as you thought you were.

You spent the afternoon stationed behind her desk, jovially insulting her, only to have your comments thrown back at you with far more whit and charm than you could ever muster. She had finally coaxed you out, throwing a pair of purple exam gloves your way and giving you a lesson in anatomy, in identifying bones and the signs of impact trauma. By the time the day was over, you realized you were enjoying her company and didn’t want it to end. You found yourself making some convoluted analogy about being a cat in a tree, in an attempt to make a connection with her. For some strange reason, the thought of Holly becoming just another person you randomly saw every so often during the course of your job made you sad. You were really bad at this, but it worked much to your surprise. She was looking at you with a somewhat serious puzzled expression until you, for some reason, confessed that you suck at relationships. You had expected some non-committal quip, or some pointed snarky comment, but instead she had taken you seriously, and ended up coming out to you as a lesbian. You covered up the unexpected jolt to your solar plexus that accompanied her confession under a generous helping of snark and swagger, with an off-handed comment about how you just hate people. You could hear her laughter as you walked away, and were genuinely surprised when she caught up to you and asked if you were hungry.

“Holly,” you stated seriously, “I’m always hungry.”

And there it was again, the lopsided smile, and that twinkle in her eye.

You ended up at a Chinese restaurant in Central Square, that was much bigger and better than it had appeared from the street, talking late into the night. As it turned out, she was Canadian too, from Victoria, having come here to get her degree at Harvard Medical School, and then landing a coveted internship at Mass General Hospital. Her job as a lab tech at the morgue suddenly turned into something else after she graduated at the top of her class.

You marvel at how suddenly the evening turned to midnight and you are the last two people in the place. It has never been this easy, not with anyone. You are hard, and mean and closed off, and yet somehow this chick that you just met knows more about you than people who have known you for years. How did she do that? You blame your stupid hormones, because you can. After Perrick, you have been reluctant to let anyone know where you live, but you even let her drive you home to the tall apartment building by the river that houses a mixture of Harvard and MIT graduate students, along with some staff, like yourself. Yes, it must be the damn hormones, you decide.

In the morning you awake to a dull pain in your head and an urgent need to run for the toilet. Unfortunately, as the days go by, morning sickness has turned into afternoon sickness, has turned into evening sickness, and so on. Just catching a whiff of the wrong scent at the wrong time can send you running to empty your guts out at any time, any place. It’s so fucking annoying! You have also been more emotional over nothing lately, much to your chagrin. _God, you’re such a mess!_ Just last night, after you got home, you burst into tears while watching a dog food commercial on the Weather Channel. _Who does that?!_ You have six and a half more months before you stop sharing your body with this alien creature, and you have no idea how you are going to get through it!

Later, riding with Bobby, you lose your lunch in the nearest trashcan of the men’s locker room as you were supposed to be investigation allegations of a possible hazing incident. You leave him there to interview a couple of witnesses and run for the men’s room. How embarrassing.

“Someone had a late night.” Bobby comments, when you finally emerge from the attached restroom. “You should really get that stomach condition of yours checked out.” He continues with an all-knowing, slightly wry expression.

“Bobby, “ You counter, giving him your best icy Peck glare, “We’re in the men’s locker room. Just because you never bathe doesn’t mean other people have lost their sense of smell, and aren’t effected by the disgusting rank odor in here.”

Bobby simply raises an eyebrow at you, shrugs and finishes writing up his notes.

“I’ll be talking to the victim outside.” You tell him, leaving as quickly as possible, trying to ignore the remaining queasiness you are feeling in the pit of your stomach.

The young man is waiting for you on a bench by the field, and you wonder if he is really old enough to be in collage. You sigh and ask him gently to recount the numerous acts of bullying his dorm mates have inflicted on him, and when exactly it began.

 _Why do you want to bring another child into this world again?_ You have one more week before it’s too late to easily terminate this pregnancy. You toy with the idea, but you know that you won’t do it. You shake your head to clear it, and hand the young man your card.

“Don’t worry,” You tell him, “Call me for any reason. Officers will be picking those guys up after their afternoon class, right about now. They shouldn’t bother you again!”

Bobby is waiting in the car as you return to slump gratefully in your seat. He doesn’t say a word, but the concerned look on his face makes you wary.

“What.” You roll your eyes at him.

“You do know Peck, that we’re partners, right?” He says, and there is a slight edge to his voice.

“Yeah. So?” You really don’t want to be having this discussion with him right now.

“So, you know I got your back.” Bobby is glancing sideways at you as he puts the car in drive.

“Yeah.” You answer warily. Sometimes he makes you think, this might be Chris when he grows up. You hate to admit it, but you miss him too.

“So, I just want you to know that you can tell me anything, and I got you.” Bobby persists.

“Thanks Bobby.” You lean back and close your eyes, clearly not wanting to talk.

“Ok then.” He responds, and brings his eyes back to the road.

You drive back to HQ in silence. Bobby doesn’t try to prod you into talking to him again, and you finish your paperwork in relative peace and quiet. As your shift is ending your phone buzzes.

Traci: **Your brother asked me out again.**

You smile as you type. Traci is the closest thing you have to a friend who totally gets you. Even though you’ve been exiled to this far away place, you still text with her almost every day.

Prettier Peck: **Now that I’m not there to be scarred for life by you doing PDA with him in front of me, you should totally go for it!**

Traci: **Gail… that’s kind of…**

Prettier Peck: **You keep telling me to get back up on the horse. Why don’t you make your horse my brother?**

Traci: **IDK what if I’m not ready?**

You find yourself fighting off a wave of guilty tears. Leaning heavily onto your desk, you press the heels of your hands hard into your eyes and will the flood of emotion to stop. This is ridiculous! You finally get up and scurry off to the locker room, hoping no one has noticed. You sit on a bench before getting in the shower and reply.

Prettier Peck: **He really likes you**.

Your phone is blinking at you as you get out of the shower. You pick it up expecting it to be Traci, but it is someone else instead.

Lunchbox: **Cat on a Hot Tin Roof is playing at the Brattle Theatre tonight. Want to go?**

She must have entered her contact info into your phone while you were in the bathroom last night. Normally you would think that was creepy, but you are strangely flattered and amused that she has entered herself under the name Lunchbox.

Officer Sunshine: **Are you stalking me?**

_Officer Sunshine? Really?_

Lunchbox: **You’re the one who said you were bored with sitting around by yourself and playing World of Warcraft on line with your friends back home.**

Officer Sunshine: **Cat on a Hot Tin Roof? The one with Liz Taylor?**

Lunchbox: **I knew that Maggie was your kind of girl, Kitten.**

Officer Sunshine: **You did not just call me Kitten.**

Lunchbox: **You’re the one who called yourself a cat ;)**

You groan and roll your eyes.

Officer Sunshine: **OK, but you’re paying.**

Lunchbox: **Meet me there at 7**

You find yourself singing quietly to yourself as you lace up your boots. You haven’t felt this good, this hopeful, in a long time you realize with a small jolt of surprise. Weird. Well, if you don’t hurry to catch the bus, you are going to be late. You smile and wave at Bobby as you dash out the door. Who knows? Maybe things are starting to look up.


	3. Shark Weekend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail invites Holly over to her place for pizza and Jaws

It has been a fucking long day, a fucking long week really, but tonight you are going to kick back and celebrate!. Living in University housing is weird. You are relaxing on the incredibly comfortable black leather couch you just rescued from being tossed into the dumpster by one of the grad students down the hall. They were redecorating their apartment yesterday, and you became the recipient of their old couch, a Japanese looking floor lamp made from that white paper and bamboo screen, and a pale blue paisley rug. It all looks almost new, and you would swear that the couch alone cost more than a month of your salary. Moving here was easy. You didn’t have a whole lot of your own furniture to move from the frat house where you lived with Dov and Chris, just a bed and a dresser with a mirror, and an armoire full of clothes. Steve gifted you with his old thirty-six inch TV and a coffee table he had since his first apartment. So, tonight you and Holly are going to christen your new couch with pizza and your own private shark weekend Jaws marathon.

Although you and she have been hanging out quite a bit since you met her three weeks ago, this is the first time you have invited her up to your place. She should be here with the pizza any time now; one Special, hold the tomato sauce, from Pinocchio’s, the hole-in-the-wall place she swears makes the best pizza ever. You realize you are more nervous about this than you should be, so you intentionally dressed down and are forcing yourself to sit on your couch and not to pace. You have already changed into a comfy old pair of sweats, a ratty Rush T-shirt that you stole from Steve long ago, and a bulky, oversized, baggy Bruins hoodie that Bobby gave you last week. He just laughed when you complained that you don’t do sports, and told you if you were going to live in this town, you would have to get over it. Massholes, he insisted, were the only people in the world who love their hockey more than Canadians.

Your phone rings, and you answer it without looking, assuming that it’s Holly waiting downstairs for you to buzz her in. It turns out to be your mother.

_FUCK!_

You haven’t spoken with her in almost three months and you wonder why she is calling you now.

“Gail, “ She starts right in without saying even “Hello” or asking how you’ve been. “Jonathan’s daughter is getting married on the Cape next weekend.”

_Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water…_

“I’m fine, Mother. How are you?” You reply coldly.

She continues on as if she wasn’t just interrupted. “Your father and I RSVPed for you on our behalf, so I hope you have something decent to wear.”

“You _WHAT_?” You manage to sputter. This is exactly the kind of social engagement you hate, and were hoping to never have to attend again now that you were far from the social climbing world of your mother’s sphere.

“Gail,” She reminds you with icy patience, “Without Jonathan, you might very well be spending the rest of your life as a waitress. Don’t be ungrateful.”

Jonathan Brigham Coolidge and your father met during their junior year abroad at Oxford University and become fast friends. Your father had been a student at McGill, Jonathan at Yale. He is currently the head of security for Biomedics Inc., a multi-national, medical engineering corporation. Although he told your father there were no openings for you on his team at the time, he would ask around and see if he could find something suitable for you. Jonathan plays squash with your boss’s boss at the Harvard Racket Club twice a week. Three short days after faxing your resume and letters of recommendation to the head of MIT security forces, you were hired on to the MIT Police Force as a Junior Officer.

“Couldn’t you just send a gift?” You whine.

“Gail, you know how important networking can be.” She purrs in a smooth, deadly voice, “And besides, there will be a number of eligible young men of the right kind there. You really should be thinking about your future. I know that you’re not meeting anyone.”

“Like any of them would want me now.” You mutter, half to yourself.

“What was that Gail?” She replies sharply.

“That’s too bad Mother, cuz I’m actually only in the market for ineligible young men of the wrong kind.” You state louder.

“Well that’s obvious, given your past choices. You really should take a better outlook on life Gail. You are an attractive young woman from a good family.” She scolds. “Please tell me that you are watching your weight and haven’t done anything crazy with your hair.”

“Yes Mother.” You sigh. “ Fine. Look, I’ll go on the condition that I can bring a friend.”

“How are you supposed to meet anyone of substance if you don’t put yourself out there?” She chides.

You remain silent.

“Ok fine.” She concedes, exasperation clear in her voice, “I’ll let Jonathan and Emily know you’ll be bringing a friend. I’m sending you the information now, along with your hotel reservation, and a gift card for you to get something decent to wear at Neman Marcus.”

“Mother!” You start to complain.

“And Gail, please don’t wear black, or anything leather. You don’t want to look like a tramp, you know.” And she hangs up the phone without saying goodbye.

You get up and begin to pace.

“No, of course not. How about an unwed pregnancy? How would that make you look, Mother?” You practically growl into the dead receiver. “Yes, I’m doing fine. The job is going well. And gosh Mother, I missed you and everyone else at Thanksgiving last week too. So sorry I had plans and must have missed your invitation…” You rant, you pace, the edges of your phone biting painfully into your hand. Throwing the phone across the room to land on the couch, you continue to pace more. Your jaw clenches to the point where you think your teeth will crack and splinter beneath your rage.

Your phone buzzes again, and you pick it up without thinking.

“What _._ ” You answer abruptly.

“Gail?” Holly’s voice answers softly, “Gail? Are you ok?”

Shit.

“Yeah. Sorry. I’m fine. Are you here?” You grunt at her.

“Yeah, but you know, it’s ok if you’re not up for this. I mean we could do this some other time…” Holly is starting to ramble nervously.

“No. No. It’s fine. Should I buzz you in, or do I need to come down?” You ask, trying to sound calm.

“Really Gail, I think I can find my way up.” You can hear the smirk return to her voice.

“Ok, great!” You hit the buzzer while trying to take deep, calming breaths through your nose. You hate it that your mother can still invade your world like nothing happened, and make a wreck out of you.

* * *

 

You know it’s getting late as you get up between Jaws 2 and Jaws 3-D to get Holly another IPA, and yourself another glass of ice tea. Even though you are having a hard time keeping your eyes open, you don’t want this evening to end.

“I’m sorry about earlier.” You say softly, as you hand her the beer and snuggle back under the blanket you are sharing. “My mother called, and anyways, she always makes me a little crazy…”

“Don’t be sorry.” She says, scooting closer and placing her hand on your thigh. “It’s ok. I get it.”

She gives your leg a friendly shake, and you feel a warm burst of electricity radiating out from her palm. Normally, you hate being touched, but somehow with Holly, it feels so natural, so right that you find yourself snuggling closer. You lean forward to move the half empty pizza box to one side of the coffee table so you can get closer still. Settling back down to press yourself into Holly’s side. As you do, you feel her sigh contentedly and wrap her arm around your shoulder. You begin to feel the tension begin to drain from your body as you close your eyes and succumb to the warm comfort of her embrace, her thumb tracing absent minded, soothing patterns on your bicep.

“Holly?” You mumble sleepily into her neck.

“Mmmm.” She hums back at you.

“What are you doing next weekend?” You ask quietly.

“I donno. Why?” She replies

You shift and snake an arm across her waist as you cuddle closer.

“My mother wants me to go to this wedding on the Cape next Saturday, and I won’t know anyone there. Would you help me out and be my plus one?” You hope that it doesn’t sound too weird, or needy.

“Officer Gail Peck! Are you asking me out on a date?” She teases

“Nope!” You slap the arm that has snaked across yours and is holding you lightly. “Come on Holly, just say yes!” You whine at her.

“Ok, ok, I’ll go with you!” She laughs, and kisses you on the forehead “You are insane. You know that. Right?”

You tilt your head up before you realize what you are doing and kiss her back on the lips ever so briefly, sending a pleasant, unexpected shock through your body.

“Thanks Holly!” You smile as you snuggle back in ignoring the butterflies that have suddenly taken flight in the pit of your stomach, close your eyes and drift off to sleep, feeling cozy and safe for the first time you can remember in a long, long time.


	4. To the Cape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly picks Gail up from work and drives them to Provincetown where they will be going to a wedding

The game had been a wild one, Harvard VS Yale with none other than James Taylor singing the National anthem. _God, you hate football!_ And across the river the Red Sox were in another pennant race adding to the heightened chaos. Ugh. Sports! You and Bobby chased the purse snatching punk through the throngs of people, all the way across Harvard Square and down into the subway, only to be stopped by a couple of MBTA police on a power trip. Bobby had gotten into it with the stupid, idiot T- cops, who couldn’t even have been as old as you. As the thief hopped the turnstile, boarded a train and got away clean, Bobby expressed his extreme displeasure. Finally he and the T-Cops ended up screaming at each other about jurisdiction until the real Cambridge city cops showed up and made them all stand down. To make matters worse, there was a full three minutes of Bobby’s little stand-off with those MBTA idiots already uploaded to Youtube by the time you got back to HQ. You received a standing ovation from your fellow officers and a dressing down from your boss upon your arrival. At least you had the weekend to look forward to. Sort of.

It’s later than you had planned to leave, but with the game starting at 7pm, your shift was extended to an all hands on deck Friday night. At least you were getting paid overtime. Bobby shooed you out the door as early as he could, insisting that he finish your extra paperwork, that you looked tired, that you should go get out of here and have some fun this weekend. He was the one who took you shopping when you whined at him about your weekend plans. You have always hated shopping in mall stores like Neiman Marcus, complaining that both they, and your mother, give you hives. Bobby laughed, and brought you to a funky vintage clothing warehouse, where no one looked twice at his hulking presence in work boots and an old flannel shirt. Surprising you with an excellent fashion sense, he picked you out a classic, mid-thigh a-line, fit and flair dress, with a sleeveless bodice in gold, and black silk lace overlay. You threatened to tase him in the nuts when you modeled it for him and he wolf whistled at you, telling your cleavage about how great you look in it. He merely grinned and said, “You’re welcome.”

Holly is picking you straight up from work tonight, and driving down to Provincetown with you for that dumb-ass wedding thing in the morning. You sit for a moment to wait for her on the bench in front of the station. You watch the students strolling by on the sidewalk under the streetlights, blissfully oblivious and unaware of your presence in the shadows. You stretch out, legs extended, ankles crossed, letting your head tip back as pure exhaustion closes your eyes for just a moment. To be fair, you haven’t been sleeping well this week, in-fact you haven’t had much rest lately at all. You have been having stress nightmares about your abduction, again. The sound of echoing footsteps in the dark getting closer, the scent of Old Spice in musty, stale air, as you lye there unable to move, unable to make a sound. On top of all that, your hormones seem to have sent your libido into overdrive with nowhere to go. On the nights when you do manage to get yourself to sleep, you have been having intense wet dreams involving soft hands and gentle lips caressing every part of your lonely, aching body. If that weren’t enough, on some nights you find one weird dream sequence morphing terrifyingly into the other, waking you up in a cold sweat with a raging fire between your legs that will not be denied. _No, not much rest at all._ You wonder aimlessly what your shrink back home would think about that.

If you were to be honest with yourself, you are becoming more and more nervously excited about spending the weekend with Holly. Breathing in the cool night air, you begin to smile, remembering how you’ve been teasing her all week about needing her to be your lesbian ambassador to the big gay Mecca of the east when you are not at the actual wedding. She has taken it all in stride, teasing you back about your needing a bodyguard to keep the big, bad, scary lesbians from trying to recruit you into switching teams while you are there. You are still smiling as you open your eyes to find the object of your thoughts standing in front of you.

“Ready to go?” She smiles back at you

You pick up your bags and shuffle to her waiting Prius, carefully laying your garment bag out on her back seat. She openly laughs at you as you whine about your day and about how much you hate weddings.

“I know, it’s awful,” She teases, after a particularly venomous rant on your part about the disgustingly cloying nature of these kinds of events, “I usually dodge this stuff, but you needed a plus one, and I’m all about growing these days…”

She reaches over and gives your knee a little squeeze, making you blush, and sending your heartbeat into embarrassing overdrive. You blame your stupid pregnant hormones for causing your body to react like this to her intoxicating, light touch. She is a woman after all, and you are straight, aren’t you? Not that you care, you have simply never given it much thought, until now.

“I just hope we can get this over with quickly, and escape to the beach or something.” You fire back, hoping your belligerent tone cleverly disguises how flustered you are suddenly feeling.

She laughs and sooths your thigh with the palm of her hand sending a pleasant chill up your spine, making your nipples become almost instantly painfully tight and hard.

_Damn it!_

“I’ll see what I can do to sneak off with you as quickly as possible.” She chuckles, shaking her head.

Her hand remains resting on your thigh for the rest of the two and a half hour drive as you drift off to sleep.

You aren’t sure if it’s the hand that is shaking you gently or the dream that wakes you to find yourself sitting in Holly’s car in the parking lot of the Provincetown Hotel. The hands on your body were electric and the soft, purposeful lips on yours were kissing you with an intensity you have never in your life experienced. It takes you a moment to realize where you are and focus on who is talking to you. You feel your whole body flush and you find it hard to look into Holly’s eyes, hoping you didn’t give yourself away by moaning or talking in your sleep.

“I already checked us in.” She smiles at you, “I hope you don’t mind. You looked so tired, and you were sleeping so soundly, I didn’t want to wake you before it was necessary.”

You grunt at her and sit up, blinking in the dashboard light, clearly still half asleep.

“Come on, “ She says, “Let’s go find our room.”

“Ok,” You mumble as you right yourself and stumble after her.

Upon entering the well-appointed suite your mother arranged for you, you realize there is only one incredibly luxurious looking queen size bed. You begin to stutter out an apology and offer to sleep on the couch when Holly takes you by the hand and sits you down on the edge of the bed.

“It’s ok.” She says in a quiet, almost shy voice you have never heard from her before, “If you are uncomfortable with sharing the bed, I can take the couch.”

You immediately feel bad about the way she won’t look at you.

“Don’t be ridiculous!” You counter, brashly, grabbing her by the hand, pulling her back to sit on the bed beside you. “But I do have to warn you, I will steal all of the covers.”

“Ok.” She looks up finally, chewing adorably on her lower lip as she assesses your offer.

You catch a fleeting glimpse of something you could swear is desire smoldering in her eyes before she smiles at you and it is gone.

“So,” You yawn, “which side of the bed do you want?”

* * *

 

You wake up to the sound of birds, the scent of the ocean, and a warm body fit snugly and ever so comfortably against your back. You have never been a cuddler, always pushing your boyfriends away in your sleep, firmly staking out your side of the bed, but then you have never felt this comfortable with anyone, ever. You realize with a shock, that this is the third time this week you have woken up in Holly’s arms, and you like it! The other two times have been after falling asleep on your couch while watching movies, and waking up stiff and sore in the middle of the night. You wish you could stay this way forever, but your bladder won’t let you. Holly has rolled onto her back as you emerge from the bathroom, with one arm flung over her head, her dark hair fanned out across the white linens. There is a warm feeling spreading in your chest as you watch her sleeping for just a moment longer than you know you should. You don’t know what to do with these feelings, so you push them back as you put on a robe to go in search of coffee.

Amazingly, you didn’t have to puke this morning, and you are feeling pretty good. Earlier this week you noticed that your belly is no longer flat, and your morning sickness is starting to subside, even if you do have to pee like every five minutes. It’s not a big enough change for other people to notice yet, but your pants are starting to be snug, and soon you won’t be able to conceal it anymore. You know that Bobby knows. He started bringing you orange juice every morning, and commenting about how you need more folic acid in your diet after watching you be sick for the fourth day in a row. For a guy who looks like an aging construction worker, or a cop, he certainly is full of surprises. When you asked him how he knew, he simply shrugged and told you he grew up in a house full of women, and now he has three daughters of his own all in their late teens and early twenties.

“Hey.” Holly’s voice calls softly to you from the bed, accompanied by a yawn and a stretch. “I really hope one of those is for me.”

“Uh huh.” You smile and nod placing the coffees down on the bedside table.

You can’t help but think how adorable she is in the morning, looking all rumpled and softly unfocused. You are about to pick yours up and go, when she scoots over, making room for you, and pulls back the covers. You hesitate for a moment before climbing back in to sit with your back resting against the headboard. She cuddles into your side, pressing her face sleepily into your crook of your neck.

“Mmm… I don’t wanna get up.” She murmurs, her lips ghosting against your collarbone, sending a wave of goosebumps across your skin.

“Ok, “ You tell her, handing her her coffee, “But don’t blame me if you miss the delicious blueberry waffles with bacon I understand are for breakfast in the lounge this morning.”

She sits up abruptly, nearly spilling her coffee. “Well why didn’t you say so?” She narrows her eyes accusatorily at you, and takes a sip.

You smirk back. She really is adorable. And then it hits you. You just want to kiss her. You feel your heart beat pick up as you look at her lips, again, and you know you are in so much trouble. _Shit. Stupid hormones._ But you know that there is more to it than just that. Holly is the most wonderful person you have ever met, and you realize you might just be falling for her. _Shit, shit, shit!!!_ You also realize that she is watching you intently, waiting for you to say something. The silence between you is suddenly thick and charged with heady expectation. You lean in, your eyes never leaving hers. You could get lost in her eyes. You stop, your face mere inches from hers, and watch her eye lids start to flutter reflexively shut. It’s all too much.

“Holly, “ You whisper, your voice embarrassingly horse and low, “If you don’t get your lazy bones out of bed, you are going to miss breakfast. And I’m going to eat all of your bacon!”

You push yourself abruptly away from her and bounce out of bed. You have to or you just might lose control and fuck up the best friendship you ever had.

“Coming?” You shoot over your shoulder as you speed toward the door.

You hear her groan and get out of bed.

“Really Gail, “ She says and you can hear the lopsided smirk in her voice as she slaps you hard on the butt passing you on her way out the door. “You had me at bacon.”


	5. P-town Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail and Holly go to a wedding on the beach

This was not what you expected when you rounded the corner, not at all. _God! Why didn't someone warn you it could be like this?_ There she is in all her glory, talking to some stupid Asian chick and drinking another cup of coffee. _Naked. Holly is naked. Holy shit!_ Sure, you've seen women naked before. There have been locker rooms, and saunas, and skinny dipping at the lake, and other hot tubs, of course, but none of those have ever prepared you for the full body shock you experience upon rounding the corner of the courtyard to find Holly relaxing in the hot tub after her run, basking really, in the late October morning sun, talking and laughing with another girl! It just about stopped your heart. _Dead!_

"Hey Gail!" She calls out warmly to you as she notices you standing there. Frozen. "This is wonderful! You should come in and join us!"

You suck in a deep breath as you remember how to breathe and force your feet to propel you forward.

"Uh… no thanks Holly. I just came down to see if you were back from your run yet. We should um, start getting ready to go soon if we are going to be there by eleven." You try not to scowl at them, and fail.

Why should you be upset? Holly has the right to talk with anyone she wants. _Even if she is naked!_ And she has the right to do that too; to be naked that is, you mean…

"Ok, I'll get out." She sighs, and stretches, closing her eyes blissfully and letting her head fall back as her back arches, her toes point and her legs extend so she is perfectly suspended in the water for just a moment. Naked.

The sight of her magnificently laid out before you does things. You are aware of how hot it has suddenly become, and how dry your mouth is, and painfully aware of the insistent thrum of desire that blossoms in your belly. You swallow laboriously around the giant boulder, which has suddenly lodged its self in your throat, and try to act casual as she opens her eyes to smile at you once more.

_What! Are you a fucking teenage boy? Shit._

"Gail, Honey, can you please pass me my towel?" She says, pulling herself up to sit on the edge of the spa, waving a hand in the direction of her blue and white striped towel, that hangs on the back of a lounger.

_Honey. She called you Honey._

That sickeningly sweet, warm, happy feeling is back, starting to spread through your chest again. Gross. You saunter over to pick up the towel and then, as casually as you can, walk over to hand it to her. She uses it to dry off her face before putting her glasses back on.

"Gail this is Monica. Monica, Gail." She introduces you to the chick, who has been smugly watching your interaction.

"Hi." You say frostily to her, and turning back to Holly, "Ready?"

"See you 'round, Monica." Holly smiles way too warmly at her for your liking.

"Definitely!" Monica smiles back.

You hate her already.

* * *

 

The look on Holly's face as you emerge from the bathroom wearing your little gold dress, you have to admit, is priceless. She is looking good too, sitting on the bed, wearing leather pants and a starched white tux shirt with black lace cuffs. Even though you can do it yourself, you step in front of her asking her to zip up the back of it. Her fingers brushing lightly up your spine give you momentary chills all over your body. Still standing between her legs, you turn to face her. Her eyes are a darker shade of chocolate now, pupils stretched wide. Smoldering. You place you hands on her shoulders and lean in closer.

"Thank you." You whisper. Your lips practically brush her ear as you press your cheek to hers. Her eyes close for just a moment before you pull away.

The wedding on the beach was lovely, even you have to admit it was. You have fulfilled your family obligations, conveying your parent's regards to Jonathan and his wife, and congratulating his daughter and her new husband on their, and your behalf as well. You can't wait for this stupid thing to be over! There are way too many people here, most of whom you don't know and the ones you do know, your parent's friends, you are carefully trying to avoid. Hiding out in an empty lifeguard shack, perched high above the party on stilts, you and Holly are sitting huddled together on the floor of this cramped space, leaning comfortably against a pile of life preservers and soft foam rescue devices. Holly has stolen a full bottle of champagne, and you are drinking ginger ale from a champagne glass. You would just about kill to be able to share that bottle with her and have a real drink right now! Your usual banter has become increasingly flirtatious, as the two of you venture into what could be called sexual history twenty questions.

"Come on Gail, how old were you really when you lost your virginity?" Holly wants to know.

"Ok, so it was three weeks before my sixteenth birthday when Steve took me to a party at his collage dorm. He was starting his senior year at the University of Toronto, and my parent's had taken off for a multi-national crime-fighting conference in New York, dumping me on him for the week. There was this really hot guy from his Criminal Justice class that ended up getting me stoned and taking me back to his room." You say, smiling humorlessly at the ocean.

"Gail Peck! Are you telling me that you smoked Marijuana? I'm shocked." Holly teases, smirking and arching her eyebrows at you.

"Like you never have!" You slap her lightly on her knee. "And besides, I was going through my rebellious teenage phase."

"And that ended when?" She laughs at you.

"Shut up!" You find yourself laughing along, and blushing. "Do you want me to tell you this stuff, or not?"

"Ok, all right!" She is trying hard to get the laughter under control, but her eyes continue to sparkle.

"So, we ended up all naked and shit on his nasty futon bed. Have you ever noticed that most guys in collage don't understand the concept of clean sheets?"

Holly hums her amused agreement.

"Anyway, it was ok, but when it was all over, I thought wow, you know, so this is what all of the fuss is about? It wasn't until later that I really understood…" You sigh. "How about you?"

"Boys or girls?" She asks and takes a swig from the bottle.

Your stupid hormones make your stomach do a little flip.

"Uh… I don't know Holly. You tell me." You roll your eyes at her.

"Ok… well… My high school boyfriend and I went on a camping trip with a bunch of our friends just before graduation. We has talked about it and decided to lose our virginity together before we both left for collage. He was so nervous! We shared a tent and it was goofy, and sweet, and fun, and we almost didn't do it because we couldn't stop giggling." She smiles at the memory, and you find yourself wishing your first time, any time really, had been like that.

"Then, in my sophomore year at the University, I had a crazy mad crush on my microbiology lab partner."

"Nerd." You give her shoulder a little shove with yours. She just takes another hit from the bottle and continues.

"One night, we had been working late on this project, trying to get it in for the early, extra credit deadline, and then we went out and had a couple of beers and some wings." She looks over and gives your knee a squeeze, "Don't look at me like that, I've been known to eat junk-food. Anyway… It was late, and snowing, and she gave me a ride back to my dorm. We were sitting in the car, talking, neither one of us wanting to leave, when she leaned over and kissed me. It just blew me away. It was like everything that I had ever been missing. And the rest, as they say, is history."

You don't know what to say to that, so you start asking her what you know are stupid straight girl questions. You could kick yourself, but you can't seem to stop your mouth from nervously getting ahead of your brain.

"What about if you want to borrow a dress or shoes or clothes? I mean, is that cool? Do you share each other's things?" You find yourself saying.

"I wouldn't share your things." She scoffs, and drinks

"What's wrong with my things?" You shoot back, feeling slightly annoyed.

"Nothing. They're just not my style." She shrugs

"What. Not enough fleece for you Holly? Not enough backpacks?" You just can't seem to help yourself from falling into a full on mean girl rant.

She rolls her head languidly in your direction and smirks indulgently at you. And then she leans in slowly _AND FUCKING KISSES YOU!_ All time stands still. You kiss her back. It's a brief kiss, almost over before it begins, but the shock from it rushes through your entire body.

"You are insane," She smiles somewhat superiorly at you, "You know that. Right?" She gets up.

_Wait, wait… WHAT?_

"Wait… where are you going?" You finally manage to sputter.

She says something about going dancing as she leaves you still sitting there with your jaw on the floor, like an idiot. That's no good! Nobody leaves you sitting alone and speechless! Nobody! Not until now, that is. You get up and scramble after her.

She's not on the dance floor when you finally catch up with her, but standing alone on the stairs of the Inn's function hall looking out at the bay. She jumps and turns suddenly toward you as you quietly come up behind her and softly touch her arm. You are standing so close that you can almost feel her sudden, ragged intake of breath.

"Hey." She says quietly with an unreadable expression on her face.

"Do you want to get out of here?" You ask

She nods and takes your hand. You know you have to come clean with her about your impending motherhood. It scares you. What if she doesn't want to be with you once she knows? Now that you've kissed, what if you can't go back to being friends? But you know that you don't want to be, have never been just friends.

You walk down the street, holding hands, in silence for a while like it's the most natural thing in the world. And maybe it is, but you have never been the handholding type. Instead of turning left to go back to where you are staying, Holly leads you down a covered walkway to the right and into what you can tell is a lesbian dance bar. You are surprised to find how crowded it is for a night in mid-October, as she winds her way through the dancers and out onto a deck overlooking the harbor.

"So, officer," She says in a low sexy voice "Can I buy you a drink?"

"Um… just water for me, thanks!" You reply.

"Come on Gail, just one drink?" She pulls you into her personal space by your hands, smiling and arching her eyebrows at you in a way you find both sexy and adorable.

"I wish…" You breathe out, "But really, I can't."

"Why not?" She shoots back, "What's wrong? You're an adult, we don't have to drive anywhere, I know you're not an alcoholic, and I mean it's not like you're pregnant or something…"

And there it is. You feel your entire body flush as you gasp, cross your arms reflexively over your chest, and look away.

"Gail?" There is concern in her voice, but you can't look at her. "Gail what's wrong?"

You close your eyes and sag back against the railing of the deck wishing that the sea would rise up and swallow you whole.

Silence hangs charged and heavy in the space between you.

"Whoa Nelly! You are… aren't you…" You here her exclaim.

"What." There is no point in trying to deny it even though your heart is pounding so hard it will likely burst through your ribs at any moment.

"Pregnant. You're pregnant, aren't you." Instead of backing off she steps closer, running her hand softly up your arm. "Gail?"

You can only nod and whimper, hoping she doesn't notice the tears that are threatening behind your eyelids.

"Wow, Gail… When…? I mean, how did this happen…? She stutters

Your eyes fly open, giving her a hard, cold look, "And I thought you were a doctor."

She tilts her head and widens her eyes in a way that tells you she isn't going to take any of your bullshit right now.

"Ok, ok… I was going to tell you, I just… I don't know Holly…" You stumble over your words, trying to figure out how you are going to get out of this mess. "Can we go back to the room? Can we not talk about this here? I swear that I will tell you everything."

"Ok." She says softly, and pulls you into a hug.

You let your head drop to rest on her shoulder as you breathe her in. This isn't really how you communicate, but she feels so good. You can barely believe she hasn't run for the hills and she is still here, holding you. Her arms tighten protectively around you as hear her murmur into your hair, "It's alright, Honey. It's alright."


	6. Trees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail has a melt-down

You are standing in the bathroom staring in the mirror at a girl you don't even know any more. You have no idea how long you've been here, but you figure it must have been a while, as a new playlist loads on your ipod, straight from Evanescence to Ms Mr. Your severed ponytail hangs loosely in your left hand by your side. You haven't freaked out this badly and cut your hair yourself since you were sixteen and going through your Goth faze. At least you haven't died it cherry red like you did the last time, using up all of the Kool-aid packets from your parent's kitchen and making a giant splotchy mess all over your mother's pristine white bathroom towels. _Fuck._ You know this has been a long time coming, but you were hoping to be alone when it hit. _Fuckity, fuck, fuck! You're fucked._

The knock comes sooner than you were expecting. Of course she is worried about you. You haven't said a word since you left the Pied Piper, and then barricaded yourself in the bathroom. Real mature Gail. You grimace wryly at your reflection. She knocks again.

"Come on Gail, it's been over forty five minutes since you went in there. Are you ok?" Her voice sounds worried, and somewhat cautious, "Please confirm existence!"

You look in the mirror and sigh. You have no idea how you are going to explain this to Holly.

"That's it! I'm coming in!" Her head peeks around the door. "So this is happening…" she says more steadily than you expected, and steps into the room, turning the music down as she enters. You can tell she is trying to keep her face neutral, to hide her own freak out about what she might have found when she opened that door. _Way to go Gail!_

"Who cares, right? It's only hair." You try to sound nonchalant about the whole thing.

You sit on the floor holding your ponytail before you and try to explain how shedding each inch might help you get back to who you once were before everything went so wrong. Is that compassion or just plain pity you see in Holly's eyes? And then it hits you full in the chest. You reach up and touch the back of your head where your ponytail used to be.

"Oh my God! What have I done? What have I done!" You sob into your hands, and begin to hyperventilate.

You can't look at her. You know this is bad. You are on the edge of a total break down. You can't tell her about your pregnancy with out telling her about Nick. You can't talk about Nick without talking about your history together, with out telling her about being abducted by a serial killer, or about how you fucked up Traci's life by getting Jerry killed, and finally without talking about your dismissal from the Toronto Police force. Shame upon shame, with a little bit of terror and grief and a whole lot of guilt mixed in. What will she think of you then? You are sure that she won't want to have anything else to do with you once you confess your sins. Who would? Maybe she won't want to be with you now. After all, this isn't exactly the behavior of a completely sane person. Your mind is whirling at top speed, bouncing around in your head like a pinball.

"You cut off all your hair." She says matter-of-factly.

Her steady tone calms you slightly. You look up at her then. "I'm kind of freaking out. Aren't I?" You manage to whimper.

"Uh huh." She sits on the edge of the tub, reaching out to stroke your cropped hair like you're a stray cat.

"Ok, so I know you're blonde, but I never thought you'd pull a Britney." She teases.

You close your eyes and lean into her comforting touch. It anchors you.

"Come on, " She says steadily, "My friends and I used to cut each other's hair when we were poor med students with no time to get it done. Let me help you clean this up." She winks at you, "We can't have you hitting the streets tomorrow looking like a refugee from MTV in the 80s. Now, can we?"

You manage to crack a watery smile. She gets you up and sits you down in the tub to minimize the mess and goes to work. The delicate touch of her hands on your head is riveting. The two of you slip back into your easy pattern of playful banter. She's making you laugh at yourself, and somehow you don't hate it. If it had been Dov or Chris, you would have flayed them open with a swift flick of your razor sharp tongue. But Holly's gentle teasing makes you feel warm, safe, even cared for. _How very weird._

You start to speak out of a need to explain, but it all comes out in a jumble of words you can only hope make some kind of sense.

"There was this guy I dated when I was younger," You begin, "His parent's had died in a car accident, and he was independent, and wild, and strong, and he had his own place where I could hide out… I thought he was the one, you know…"

"Mmm…" She nods.

"And we were together for about two years when we went to Las Vegas to be married." You look down at your severed hair you are still clutching for some reason. "And I woke up on the morning we were going to do it, and he was gone. At first I thought he had just gone out to get something, but then I realized that all his stuff was gone too."

Holly is looking at you, head tilted to one side, her eyebrows slightly knit. You take a deep breath.

"So I called Steve, and went home with my tail between my legs, and let my parents sign me up for the Police Academy, and did everything I was supposed to do, but it just wasn't good enough." You sigh again, "It never is…"

She reaches silently for your hand and gives it a little squeeze.

"I even started dating again, but I managed to somehow fuck that up too. And then one day, after no contact for just over five years, there he was, on that fucking motorcycle of his, a fucking decorated war hero and the new fucking Rookie at my division! He convinced me that we should try again, you know, unfinished business and all… and then everything went to shit."

Holly's hand moves from yours onto your knee where she starts making tiny patterns with her thumb.

"So wait," She says, her eyebrows knitting even further together, "This is Nick, right?"

You swallow thickly and nod. "I am so stupid! After he left, I kept thinking he would at least call me. You know, not just disappear. I was frantic until one day I ran into his best friend who told me Nick freaked out about marrying me, hitchhiked to Vancouver and joined the Army. That he had been deployed to Afghanistan rather than spend another moment with me."

"OooKaaay…" Holly says, narrowing her eyes and tilting her head.

"On the night I took that undercover assignment, I realized I had been more honest with the perp than I had been with Nick in a long time. I thought, what the hell, you know, maybe I should stop trying to protect myself and just let him in. So I called him when I got back to the place I was staying, knowing my friend had gone to her boyfriend's house for the night. When there was a knock on the door, I didn't think twice about just opening it…" You realize you are shaking. You can't breathe. Every muscle in your body clenches, waiting for the memories to hit.

Holly slides down into the tub, reaching for you, pulling you to her. You are drowning. She is your lifeline. You sob, and gasp, fighting for light and air. She holds you, waiting.

"The door hit me so hard, it almost knocked me out. I tried to fight, but he was too big, too strong…"

You can feel Holly's arms tightening protectively around you. "Nick?" she asks, in a strained whisper.

"No. No. Ross Perrick. As it turned out, the guy we apprehended wasn't the serial killer after all. It was the cab driver."

You feel rather than hear her sharp intake of breath as she holds you tighter still.

Taking a few deep, calming breaths you continue, "When I woke up I was blindfolded, and strapped to a metal gurney, with an IV in my arm. And then Jerry found me. And he died."

You can't breathe. It all comes rushing back in waves. Clinging to her you press your face into her shoulder, hard, hoping that she will help keep your demons at bay. Finally you gasp for air and go on.

"After that, I couldn't let Nick touch me. Not just sex either. Any physical contact with anyone made my skin crawl. It's funny, you know. I fucked up Traci's life and she was the only one I could let get that close." You sigh. "And then about a month after I went back to work it happened. We were on crowd control at a football game when a fight broke out. There was so much chaos, and we were under-staffed, and everyone was having a bad day. But I was the arresting officer. I still donno what happened, but suddenly he had a gun and a hostage in our lock-up. I am so stupid!" You let the bitterness creep into your voice. " My so called friends kept taunting me, about how unfair it was that they were the ones who had to worry about their jobs, about how my family name would protect me. And so I stupidly got up and took the responsibility for the incident."

Holly pulls back and looks steadily at you with such warmth and compassion, you take a deep breath and go on.

"After the preliminary ruling came down, Nick found me at the Penny, drinking tequila by myself. We ended up having sex in the bathroom, and then in the front seat of his truck, and again when we got back to my place." You sigh and look away, "I am such a stupid girl sometimes. I thought this meant that he cared. Things were great for about a week, and then he was gone."

"What?!" Holly looks almost shocked ""What do you mean gone?"

"There was this undercover assignment that everyone wanted in on. And I guess they chose him." You shrug.

"So… Nick is the father…" Holly says slowly, trying to put the pieces of everything you said together.

"Yup." You pop the "p" at the end of the word bitterly.

"And he doesn't know…?" She tilts her head inquisitively at you, her arms still resting loosely around you.

"Nope. Just Bobby, and now you." You look back at her. You wait in silence for the other shoe to drop, for her to remove you from her lap, for her to walk away like everyone else.

"Not exactly a fairy tale." Holly says softly.

"No." You say, feeling deflated, and look away unable to hold her gaze any longer. You know what's coming, and so you brace yourself, hoping to hold back the tears until she's gone.

"And now I have no hair."

She cups your chin in her fingertips and turns your head, forcing you to look at her. She is so beautiful is all you can think. Why does everything have to be so hard?

"Still kind of beautiful though." She proclaims, lifting your chin and looking you in the eye.

"Oh really." You try to deflect, feeling exposed and shy, as the air begins to crackle with electricity.

"Mmm hummm…" She hums back. Still holding your face tenderly in her fingers, she leans in, coming to a stop merely inches from your lips.

There it is again, that energy that buzzes on your skin amplifying the butterflies in your chest as you fall in to her, like gravity. Her lips against yours feel like everything you might ever need. When she opens her mouth inviting you in, you understand for the first time in your life every stupid cliché about fireworks, and rainbows. For the first time in your life, you finally get why the poets and the songwriters go on and on about how a kiss might have the power to save you.


	7. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail turns to Holly when she wakes up in the middle of the night, frightened by a nightmare and a thunder storm

You awake in a panic. The wind has picked up, rattling the windows, sending gusts of cool, moist air swirling across the tender landscape of your bare midriff where your t-shirt has ridden up. Thunder rumbles softly in the distance as you wake, frightened and confused in this strange, dark room. You jolt upright with a gasp as lightning flashes across the sky and thunder booms closer now. You struggle to remember where you are. The dream had been so real, footsteps in the dark, his taunting words, the painful, tight tug of restraints on your wrists, the cold, cold hands forcing your thighs apart, forced insemination, and humiliation. You are sweating and breathing hard, trying not to cry out. Trying to remember, it's just a nightmare, like so many others.

"Hey, Gail?" Holly's sleepy voice murmurs next to you, "Are you ok?"

A warm hand strokes your back. You can only nod as you try to catch your bearings. You feel her scoot and sit up next to you, her hand running from your shoulder to rest comfortingly on your bare thigh. You fight for the surface of reality, and gasp for air as the events of earlier come rushing back. First there was the wedding, and then the bar, and then you freaked out and cut off all your hair. Miraculously, not only did Holly stay and listen to your disjointed ramblings about your fucked up life, she helped you clean up your mess. And even more miraculous, she wanted you.

You had been far too much of a mess to act on the growing attraction that was becoming more and more evident between the two of you. Sure, she had kissed you until you were drunk and giddy with desire, and then led you by the hand back into the suite. But when she got you to the bed, she had simply undressed you like you would a child, redressed you in a soft, plain white cotton t-shirt and tucked you in. She tried to leave, to sleep on the couch, but you would have none of that. You ended up making out with her a little bit more, before finally falling asleep wrapped in her protective arms. Something both Chris and Nick had tried, but never were able to make you feel safe enough to let down your guard.

"Hey!" She says softly again, focusing you on the here and now.

"Holly." You whisper, turning to push your face into the crook of her neck.

"Are you ok?" She repeats, concern in her voice. It breaks you a little.

"I'm sorry," You laugh softly, sardonically at yourself, "first I have a little freak out, and now I wake you up by having a nightmare." You shake your head, "You must think that I'm pathetic."

"No." She says giving your knee a little squeeze, "No, I don't.

"It's ok Holly," You reply, "I won't blame you one bit if you run as far and as fast as you can once we get back home." You try to make your voice sound light, like you don't care.

"Now why would I do that?" She asks in a low, hushed voice as she reaches out to stroke the side of your face.

The storm breaks as you do, rain battering the roof and spraying through the open window as you crash your lips hungrily into hers. Grasping her face in both hands your tongue savagely demands entrance into her wanting mouth. She moans, growling low in the back of her throat, pushing you back into the waiting pillows. Never before have you allowed things to spin this quickly out of control. You pull her on top of you, flexing your thigh between her legs as your pelvis thrusts instinctively upward seeking friction. So what if you have never been with a woman before? You want her like you have never wanted anything, leaving no room in your consciousness for anything else. Your hands franticly work at the bottom of her shirt, needing to strip from her anything that could come between her skin and yours. She sits up breathing hard, helping you to remove the offending article, and then swiftly stripping you of your own. As your torsos meet, the velvet softness of her skin rubbing intoxicatingly on yours is like nothing you have ever dreamed of. You gasp and groan as stars literally explode in your head at the contact of her breasts on yours. Fingers dig into flesh, lips tease at sensitive skin, breath comes in moans and gasps, mouths and tongues leave hot, aching trails in their wake, it's all too much, and not enough.

Holly sits up suddenly, still straddling your thigh.

"Wait… Wait…" She gasps, her hands resting lightly on your stomach.

"What's wrong?" You groan, your hands still stroking up and down her legs as she unconsciously rocks gently back and forth to your rhythm.

"Maybe we should… maybe… shit… We should stop…" She concludes breathlessly.

"Oh." You take a deep breath to steady yourself and look away, although your hands never stop their journey up and down her strong limbs. "Don't you want me?" Your voice comes out smaller, more vulnerable than you intended.

"Gail." She says in a horse whisper "Honey, look at me…"

You turn your head to look up at her above you. _Oh My God! She's beautiful!_ You reach up to stroke her cheek. She leans in to your hand and then bends down to meet your lips with hers once more.

"I want you more than I can possibly tell you." She murmurs into your lips.

Her words make you bolder. You kiss her with all the heat and longing that have built up inside of you. Your hands slide down her back to grasp her hips firmly, rocking her center into you with purpose and force. The sound that escapes her lips is riveting. It makes you moan too, it makes you do it again, and again. Her whole body judders this time, fanning the inferno between you beyond reason, beyond words, beyond thought. You sneak one hand around her ass, letting your fingertips play lightly over the moist material of her boy shorts that cover her center. _She is so wet!_ You gasp, heart pounding, as her hips buck back into your hand, seeking more.

"Not fair!" She manages to husk, before kissing you hard and rocking into you again.

Snaking her own hand between you, she cups you lightly over the thin material of your thong. Your legs spread wider with a mind of their own.

"Fuck!" You breathe out.

"You like that?" She teases.

You can only whimper and nod. Your fingers find the edge of her waistband and dig in, peeling cloth from flesh.

"Gail…" She whispers, reaching up suddenly to catch your wrists. Her eyes glitter darkly in the dim room, seeking yours. You know there is no turning back. You know, there never was.

You lye together in a sweet, sated tangle of limp limbs and damp sheets, and skin still touching skin. This is all so very new, precious, fragile. In the past you have always needed space after intimacy, getting away from whomever you just had sex with as quickly as possible, grateful for your autonomy, overcome by the need to be breathing your own air again. This is different. You shiver and snuggle closer as the storm outside continues, lightning briefly illuminating her beautiful, peaceful face. You know she's not asleep, her fingertips still tracing mindless patterns on your bare stomach.

"I should get up and close the window." You sigh, rolling over to face her, and bringing the covers up with you.

"Mmmm…" She concedes sleepily, making no move to release you from her embrace. She kisses your forehead and pulls you in tighter. Miniscule droplets of cold prickle across the exposed skin of your back as the wind picks up again.

"Don't go." She fluffs the duvet higher around you creating a cozy, private nest.

"I never want to move again." You murmur into her neck as peaceful, dreamless sleep finally comes to claim you.


	8. Waking up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail and Holly spend their last morning in P-town figuring things out

Holly is perched on a tall bar stool, knees pulled up to her chin, hands wrapped around a steaming cup of tea, staring out the sliding glass doors of the common room into the courtyard. The rain that began last night has continued, softer than before, turning the whole world a sleepy, smoky grey. You woke up alone in its defuse, soft light, rain beating a quiet rhythm in the background of your consciousness, Holly's absence eating at the edges of your mind. Even though you are expecting her to distance herself from you, you can't seem to keep the taint of melancholy from seeping into your bones. You hate it that you feel so insecure. You hate yourself for letting her into your very heart and soul, and you don't know what you're going to do if she doesn't want to know you anymore. You stretch and sigh, breathing in the moist, cool, salt air from the comfort and warmth of the cave you've created out of the covers of the bed. Bittersweet memories of last night inundate your senses. You reach for the nearest articles of clothing you can find to go off in search of her, and coffee, ending up in your old, navy blue Toronto Police Academy sweats and her light blue hoodie. Now that you've found her, you pause, unsure of what to do next. Even without the sex, you know last night was a lot to take in. You know it would be wrong of you to assume anything, so you try to ignore the growing tightness in your chest and the heaviness behind your eyes. You walk up behind her, your bare feet silent against the worn carpets and smooth wood floors of the inn.

"Holly, hey…" You say softly around the lump in your throat as you move in the direction of the breakfast bar, and coffee

"Gail!" She jumps a little and turns to smile at you with such warmth it makes your breath hitch.

You don't expect it.

"Hey." You repeat tentatively.

"You said that already." She cocks her head indulgently at you.

"Oh. I knew it sounded familiar…" Is all you can manage.

"You must have some mad, ninja skills there! You were so quiet I didn't hear you come in. Do you always do this? Sneak up on people, I mean?" She laughs at you softly.

You stand awkwardly in the middle of the room.

"Uh, I donno… I guess so... Maybe?" you sputter.

You are rarely at a loss for words, but her absence from your room this morning has put you off, made you shy and wary. You can only watch as she puts down her mug, unfolds herself from her perch, and glides across the room in your direction, until she is standing right in front of you.

"Hi." She whispers.

Tea warmed hands caress your cheeks, steadying you before she leans in to give you a soft, slow kiss that melts your very bones with its simple sincerity. When it's over, she doesn't pull away but leans in, her forehead against yours, sigh-humming contentedly as your hands reflexively comes to rest on her hips.

"Hi." You whisper back, once you've found your voice.

"Honey, what's wrong?" She inquires bringing her arms around you and pulling you closer.

You feel kind of foolish right now for expecting the worst.

"You were gone when I woke up." You admit in a barely audible voice, closing your eyes against the helplessness forming in your chest. "And I thought… I thought…"

"You thought…?" Her arms tighten around you incrementally.

"Well… you know…" Your stupid voice cracks as you say this.

"No, Gail, I really don't." She sounds slightly annoyed.

You look up at her sharply now. "I'm not exactly girlfriend material." You shoot back.

You watch her jaw clench and her brow furrow at that. Her apparent anger is almost enough to make you regret your choice to echo Nick's harsh words back at her. Almost. You know your stare has become icy, challenging. You don't really want to push her away, but you just can't seem to help yourself. Her eyes are dark and unreadable. You can't take it anymore, so you try to extract yourself from her grip. _Damn! She's stronger than you thought!_ You look away.

"Gail…" Her voice is gentle, softer than you expected, "Gail, look at me!"

You shake your head. You can't.

"Gail," You can feel her crouching, pulling away, trying to catch your eye, "Whoever told you that is an idiot, and an asshole!"

You look up at her then. You have never heard her speak so harshly about anyone. She is giving you that no bullshit look over the top of her glasses again, the one that makes you give in to her, the one that makes you believe. You let out the shaky breath you didn't know you'd been holding.

"Oh really." You breathe out.

"Yeah. Really." She replies earnestly. "Look… come here!"

She takes you by the elbow and guides you back to your room. It's the kind of move you resent when guys do it, but with her it simply startles you as you submit to being led. As the door closes, you find yourself being drawn back into her arms, her lips crashing hungrily into yours. The ridiculously wanting moan that bubbles up from your very core and escapes as her tongue finds yours surprises you. It would normally embarrass you, how much you are giving yourself away, how obvious it is that you are completely turned on by her, how quickly she just gets to you, but right now you don't care. It is almost a relief as the back of your knees hit the edge of the bed, unsure how much longer your trembling legs will be able to support you. Never have you allowed anyone to have this effect on you, _never_.

You fall back onto the bed, propping yourself up on your elbows to see the naked longing you feel for her reflected back in her eyes as she looks at you. It's electric. She bends down, placing a knee between your legs as she half crawls onto the bed to kiss you once more. Your hands find the impossibly silky, warm expanse of exposed skin between the top of her yoga pants and the bottom of her cropped Maple Leafs jersey. Your fingertips run urgently up her ribs and around her shoulders as she begins to suck on the pulse point of your throat, her finger working the zipper of her stolen hoodie. As she begins to leave a trail of searing, dirty, open mouthed kisses down your exposed torso, your mind catches up with you just as your body begins to arch into her, humming with pleasure.

_Shit._

"Wait… wait… Oh my God, wait…" You gasp, completely out of breath, every inch of your skin on fire for her touch.

In an instant, gone is the wanton succubus hell bent on driving you wild, replaced by a look of genuine care and concern as she slides up to cradle you in one arm and gently stroke your face with her free hand. It's a move so tender, it completely slays you.

"What's wrong, baby?" Her fingertips rest gently on your forehead as you fall into the depths of her eyes.

_She called you baby!_

The intensity of emotion you find there takes your breath away. It forces you to answer her without your usual line of defensive snark.

"I just… you just…" You stutter and take a deep breath, "When you were gone this morning I was scared that it was all too much, you know?" You finally admit, owing her this much. "I know it's all a lot to take in, you know, me pregnant and all…"

"Gail…" She says softly, kissing you on the forehead

"I mean, I would get it if you didn't want to get involved any deeper." You sigh and look away.

"It's a little late for that, don't you think?" She says with a warm smile.

"Really?" You feel your eyes begin to tear up.

 _Stupid emotional hormones_.

"Really." She leans in to kiss you slowly.

It's the kind of kiss that begins with full, soft lips sucking gently at yours, and builds with intensity as she languidly licks at the corners of your mouth leaving you breathless. It's the kind of kiss that makes the world melt away and everything begin to swim and float. She strokes your body softly in rhythm with her tongue against yours making every nerve ending come alive in the best possible way. It's the kind of kiss you once would have made fun of, until now when it annihilates everything in your head, making your mind go completely blank. You cling to her and encourage her shirt up over her head and off, needing more contact with her skin. As the two of you begin to rock and slide against each other you tug at the top of her yoga pants, wanting them gone. She complies by getting up and removing them and then moving to pull your sweats off of you as well. You slide you hand up her thigh and between her legs as she crawls back on top of you. The boldness of your actions surprises you both, but you need her, you need this. She is so incredibly wet, and unapologetically wanting, it sends a jolt of electricity straight through you. She stops, suspended above you on all fours with a gasp and a moan as your fingers explore her. Her eyes are filled with something warm, deep, and trusting. You try not to think too much about, to hope.

"Fuck! Gail…" She breathes out and then moans low in her throat.

You repeat the action, willing to do anything to have her make that sound again. And she does, catching her lower lip between her teeth, her legs spreading wider, rocking her center back into your hand. You have never, with any of your other lovers, experienced anything so hypnotic. She leans her head down to capture one of your nipples in her mouth, and you freeze as a jolt of pure ecstasy explodes from the contact. She continues to make her way up your body to rest by your side, your hand still stroking between her legs. Her eyes burn into yours, searching, as she reaches for you too. Her fingers working their magic on you, and she is all you know.

"Oh my God!" You breathe out sharply.

Holding you close, foreheads touching, you both gasp at the same air. Your hips buck and strain in unison with hers. Sex has never been like this. You force yourself to hold her gaze, not to look away.

"You are so beautiful." She pants, "You've got me so close, Gail, so close..."

Her admission rocks you, nearly pushing you over the edge right then and there. You whimper and kiss her with everything you have. She breathes out as you breathe in, holding you impossibly closer, pushing her fingers inside of you now. You mimic her actions, your fingers sliding easily into her as well.

"Oh… oh my… oh Gail… I'm… I'm…" Her eyes go wide, her mouth goes slack, her body trembles and then goes ridged as the first wave of her orgasm thunders through her pulling you tumbling over the edge with her.

Your heart stops, your breath stops, your world implodes. In the light of day, it has to be the most beautiful, intensely intimate moment you have ever shared with anyone. It makes all the feelings for her that you have been carefully holding swell and overflow from your chest and your eyes.

_Oh my God, you're screwed._

* * *

 

Holly is completely wrapped around you, legs entangled with yours, her body pressed tightly against your back as you open your eyes, still blissfully boneless in her embrace. You shift and stir not wanting to disturb her yet. It's been a long time since someone's held you like this, if ever. It's something you didn't know you were missing, until now. You do know it's getting late and you need to get up, get going, and return home to your daily life, but you are reluctant to leave the bubble the two of you have created. She rolls onto her back with a full body stretch, and then pulls you along with her.

"Hi." She smiles into your eyes as you come to rest on her sternum.

"Hi." You smile back.

"You are so beautiful." She sighs, reaching out to brush your bangs from your eyes.

"Oh, really." You say softly, "You're kind of beautiful yourself."

She kisses you softly, still smiling into your lips.

"So tell me," She cocks her head at you, "Just how pregnant are you?"

"Uh… almost fourteen weeks, and counting…" You reply, somewhat startled by the bluntness of her question.

"And Nick…? What's up with you and Nick?" Her tone is somewhat wary, but her eyes never lose their warmth.

You sigh. You know if the tables were turned you would be cautious too.

"Nick and I have a long and fucked up history." You begin, "and it's a long story, but it's over now…" You promise.

"Ok, I'm listening." She responds quietly.

You let out a short, bitter laugh and continue, "I always do the dumbest things when I drink too much tequila! I know I told you some of this. After I was abducted, I couldn't let anyone touch me. Not Nick, not anyone. I know he was concerned about me, but I just pushed him away. "

You feel her sharp intake of breath as her arm tightens protectively around your waist. She waits, silently for you to continue. You know you haven't really talked to her about Perrick, or Jerry, or Nick for that matter, except in passing, and incoherently at best. You push on anyway.

"We were on crowd control duty at an exhibition hockey game. A fight broke out and I was the arresting officer. Everybody was distracted by their own shit, and having a bad day even before things got completely chaotic and out of control. The guy I arrested was compliant, and came peacefully, but I didn't have time to search him thoroughly before I had to assist my partner, who was getting the crap beaten out of him by a crazy drunk three times his size." You sigh deeply and close your eyes at the memory; " I guess nobody else searched him either before putting him in a cell with another prisoner. Because the next thing we knew, he had a gun and a hostage."

You can feel Holly breathing and her eyes on you, but she still doesn't say a word.

"I know I could have done better, I take responsibility for that, but no one else did their best either." You open your eyes and take a deep breath, "And then I did something really, really stupid. Because I'm a Peck, because my so called friends let me know that they were certain the privileges my family's position would protect me, I went back and took the blame for it all."

"Oh, Gail…" She murmurs sympathetically, pressing her lips softly into your hairline. It gives you the courage to go on.

"You know how I said drinking tequila makes me do really stupid things?" You roll your eyes, "Well, after the investigation when there was talk of my being brought up on charges and losing my badge, Nick found me drinking tequila by myself at the Penny, our unit's cop bar. I was drunk, and feeling sorry for myself. Things were weird and we hadn't had sex since the night before I was abducted, but I dragged him off into the ladies room where I practically raped him, because… because… I needed…" You stutter to a halt, unsure of how Holly will take this admission.

"Because you wanted to take comfort in the physical intimacy you shared with him." Holly concludes for you.

" _Eeew!_ Uh, yeah… you make it sound so touchy-feely though…" You make a sour face at her, and she laughs at you in-spite of herself.

"I'm sorry…" She says. You can tell she's struggling to wipe the amused smirk from her face.

"No, no, it's ok…" You shrug and shake your head, "It doesn't matter anyway. The next morning he was gone, without saying goodbye. Again. And I ended up expecting." You shrug again.

"Oh." She replies softly

"Yeah, oh." You echo back at her.

You shift and sit up, dangling your legs over the edge of the bed, your back to her now. "So, you see… like I said, it's a lot… and I would understand if you didn't want to deal with it… But I want you to know that you are not a rebound, or an experiment, or someone I'm just using to make myself feel better…" Your voice is barely audible as you continue, unwittingly unable to stop yourself, "I love you. I know it's too soon. And it's ok if you don't, don't feel the same... I just thought you should know..." Your shoulders sag with defeat.

Holly's hand closes firmly over your wrist, stopping you from simply getting up. She's looking at you with calm, warm eyes you can barely credit as you turn to face her.

"Gail..." She says quietly. "You and your shitty past, and the fact that you are pregnant, and all of your insecurities, may be a lot to deal with, but there is only one small problem with all of this."

"What's that?" You brace yourself for her answer, holding back the tears you refuse to allow to fall.

"You see, the problem is, I'm afraid I've already fallen for you, and you won't be getting rid of me that easily." She smiles that fucking ridiculously affectionate lopsided smile of hers at you.

"Oh really." You try to deadpan back, but you can't contain your smile or the wild beating of your heart.

"Yeah. Really." The grip on your arm tightens.

"All right then." Is all you can say before she pulls you back in, and silences you with a kiss.


	9. Day of the Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail and Bobby get a very special assignment.

It’s a week before Halloween, and this has got to be the perfect fall day, you conclude! It’s warm, and sunny with just few clouds in the sky. The air holds that tang of falling leaves and a crispness that makes all of the colors seem brighter even in the city, and there are zombies everywhere! There are student zombies with backpacks lurching their way down the street; there are zombie business men and women in tattered suits, along with lumber jack zombies carrying gory axes and chainsaws; there are sexy nurse, and French maid, and Candy Striper zombies stumbling out of the subway; and there are even zombies in Lederhosen dragging what looks like the bloody remains of an Oompah Band behind them.

_There are days that you just fucking love your job!_

Bobby is leaning casually on the Harley Davidson Police Special he is riding, smugly eating an apple as he watches you directing traffic from your bike around the zombie hoards. You and Bobby have been assigned to be the motorcycle escort for the fifth annual Cambridge Zombie Walk and Pub Crawl, a benefit to raise money for children’s cancer research. Each registered participant has a zombie fun pack containing food and drink tickets from participating bars, clubs, and restaurants, as well as a zombie map, and an ID with their name, allergies, and emergency contact information all worn in a torn and blood spattered lanyard pouch around their neck. The event began at noon in front of the MIT Student Center and lurched its way up Mass Ave, to end in Harvard Square in front of the Holyoke Center. Later, your only job will be insuring that only registered zombies gain access to the large beer garden that is set up in the courtyard next to the Au Bon Pain, where there will be local food, beer and wine tastings, and a special outdoor back to back screening of Shawn of the Dead and the 1968 classic Night of the Living Dead after the sun goes down. You know that Bobby fought hard to get this plumb assignment, and you can’t quite believe your good fortune. The only thing that would make you happier is if a certain forensic pathologist could meet you here after work, but she texted you earlier, apologizing for being unavailable, swamped at work with end of the quarter budget reporting, due on November first. You have already sent both her and Traci pictures of you surrounded by the walking dead.

You swap places with Bobby as your phone chimes at you.

Traci: **Leo says he loves your Zombie police force picture!**

Someone took a group shot of you and Bobby with about half a dozen Zombie Police Officers mugging for the camera by your bikes, and you had them take one on your phone too`.

Prettier Peck: **You can tell him we want to eat his brains**!

Traci: **_Gail!_**

Prettier Peck: **Aw, come on!**

Traci: **He wants to know if you get to ride on that Harley all the time. He thinks that, and zombies are the coolest thing ever!**

Prettier Peck: **I wish! But no. It’s just for this special assignment**

Traci: **I didn’t know you knew how to ride a motorcycle**

Prettier Peck: **I guess I have Nick to thank for something**

Traci: **When did he teach you that?**

Prettier Peck: **When we were together the first time. You can ask Steve about my Mother’s reaction**.

Traci: **I take it she wasn’t a fan**

Prettier Peck: **You, Detective Nash, have just won the understatement of the year award**!

“Hey Peck!” Bobby is trying to get your attention, “We just got a call! Let’s go!”

“I thought we were here all day with no other duties.” You answer, slightly confused.

“This takes precedence, and we’re the closest! Come on!” He mounts his bike, flipping on the lights and siren.

Prettier Peck: **Duty Calls! GTG**

Traci: **OK but I will skype you later from the Penny! I’m dying to hear about your weekend!**

Prettier Peck: **Ok**.

You get on your bike and follow him through the square and down Oxford Street where you turn into a maze of industrial ally ways behind the Harvard University Science labs. A Zombie punk rocker lies slumped on one of the loading docks, obviously, in reality, dead. From where you are it is hard to tell where the fake gore ends and his real injuries begin.

Bobby is speaking with one of the Cambridge City cops you haven’t met yet. He’s about Bobby’s age with receding reddish blonde hair and sharp blue eyes, and freckles that give him a perpetual boyish appearance.

“Donovan Kent, of the Cambridge City Police, Gail Peck.” Bobby makes the introduction.

“This is a Harvard thing. Why are we here?” You demand to know.

“That would be Sergeant Kent to you, Bobby!” The officer nudges Bobby with his elbow, showing off his stripes. “And the pleasure is all mine.” He extends a hand to you, smiling.

“Sergeant.” You look down at his proffered hand, making no move to shake it.

“Donny.” Bobby smirks.

“Donovan, please.” He flashes an almost predatory, flirtatious smile your way.

“Well Donovan,” You loop your thumbs in your belt, rocking back on your heels, and licking your lips with a super fake smile, “Do you want to tell me why Bobby and I are here?”

Bobby coughs and looks away to try to cover up his reaction.

“Our boy over there has been identified as MIT student, Eric Hubbard, 21 years old, majoring in artificial intelligence.” Sergeant Kent continues, stepping directly in front of Bobby, “So we are bringing you on the scene as a courtesy to MIT, your internal investigation, and his family.”

“Oh.” You say, slightly distracted as you watch the big, black SUV from the Coroner’s Office pull into the dock where you are gathered, behind the fire engine the waiting ambulance.

Your eyes follow Holly and her assistant you vaguely know as Rodney, as they get out of the SUV and go to examine the body.

Next to you Kent sighs, “I should go find out what the ME’s team has to say about this one.”

“Ok,” Bobby says coming to stand beside him, “Let’s do it!”

You move forward as a group, careful to give the forensics team space to work. You carefully keep your face neutral as your heart skips a beat when Holly looks up and smiles in your direction. Her eyebrows raise slightly with annoyance as Sgt. Kent steps directly into her light, casting a shadow on the body before her.

_This should be interesting._

“Good afternoon, Dr. Stewart, what can you tell us about what happened to this guy?” Kent asks, standing far too close to Holly for your liking.

She continues looking up at him from where she is crouched next to the body, her smile remains, but her voice and her eyes are cold.

“I can’t tell you much until I get him on my table, Officer Kent,” She replies

“I’m sure someone with your extensive knowledge and expertise should be able to give us something.” He interrupts, stepping into what you would consider her personal space, smirking at her.

You feel your color begin to rise, creeping up your neck, making the tips of your ears burn. If looks could kill he would have died a thousand painful deaths by now. Bobby is watching intently his face unreadable to most people, but the sparkle you see in his eye gives him away.

“If I were to guess, Officer Kent, I would say that he fell from some height, like maybe off the roof or out an upper floor window.” She says, standing stiffly to face him.

“I hate jumpers.” He grumbles.

“I think it’s too early to assume anything.” Holly purses her lips with annoyance, “And have some respect Donny, this is a human being we’re talking about here!” She snaps, turning on her heel to go.

“Aw, come off it Holly…” He whines at her, in a way far too familiar for your liking.

“Can I send Officer Peck along to the morgue?” Bobby interrupts whatever interaction was about to happen.

“Yes, yes that would be fine.” Holly replies quickly, turning to smile at you, “Thank you.”

“Great! I’ll send her by once we’re done canvassing the building.” Bobby replies cheerfully.

She nods briefly at him and goes back to where Rodney is examining the body.

* * *

 

Holly is leaning over the body on her table, still creepily in his zombie make-up, with an illuminated magnifying glass in one hand and a pair of tweezers in the other. You lean quietly, almost shyly, in the doorway waiting for her to notice you. It’s been almost a week since she dropped you off after the wedding on the Cape, and you are careful to keep the fragile, warm glow you are feeling at being in her presence tamped down to a dull ache, just in case. You are, in fact, really happy to see her! You have texted, and spoken to her on the phone several times a day since your return, but bad timing and scheduling restraints have kept you apart, until now. The butterflies that began to fill your chest on your ride over have turned into a flock of birds that suddenly take flight as she notices you standing there and smiles at you.

“So, “ You say pushing yourself off the door jam with a shrug of your shoulder, “what are you looking at?”

“Whatever happened, this young man was in some kind of a fight. See here!” She motions to a box of blue gloves as she turns excitedly back to the body, “The make up on the side of his neck has these deep scratch marks and there is deep bruising on his Trapezius muscle on the left side. I’m going to send him down to ex-ray to see if there is any damage to his occipital bone through his lower thoracic vertebrae…”

“In English.” You scowl at her.

She smirks at you. “I want to see if he was hit with a blunt object and had his neck broken before his fall. Once we remove his make up, I think we will find bruising on his face as well.”

“Well why didn’t you say so.” You smirk back at her, before pulling your phone from your pocket to call Bobby.

Rodney and another lab tech you don’t know arrive to take the body to ex-ray just as you are finishing your call. As they leave, you find Holly looking expectantly at you. You feel the color begin to rise in your face as she takes a step in your direction.

“Hey.” She says softly reaching for your hands.

“Hey.” You reply, feeling the residual tension from not seeing her drain from your body as she pulls you into her arms.

“It’s nice to see you.” She breathes out with a soft smile, leaning her forehead into yours.

“It’s nice to see you too!” You smile back at her and close the distance between you with a kiss that lingers just a moment longer than it should to be entirely chaste.

As you pull back, you take a moment to simply look at her. God she’s beautiful!

The phone on her desk rings, and you are rudely returned to reality. You can tell by the way her body stiffens and the tone of her voice that she finds whoever she is speaking with frustrating.

“And that was the lovely Sergeant Kent, wanting to know if we were done here yet.” She says with a slight scowl and a shake of her head.

“Holly, what is with you and that guy?” Your heart speeds up a little as you ask this. Really?! Surely you can’t be jealous! But you find that you are.

“He is such an infuriating, womanizing, prick!” Her head snaps around to look sharply at you.

You raise your eyebrows questioningly at her, and wait. She sighs, and sags a little.

“When I first took this job, I didn’t know anybody here. And I made the mistake of having dinner with Donny a couple of times when we were both working late on the same string of rape/murder cases.” She shrugs.

“You dated that asshole?” You know you sound as stunned as you feel.

“Oh, I wouldn’t call it dating.” She gives you a wry look, “I mean, I’m a lesbian, he’s married with two beautiful little girls I might add…”

“Oh my God! You slept with him, didn’t you.” You take a step back as the shock hits you in the middle of your chest. You don’t know why you care. It’s not like you even knew her then.

“No, no!” She laughs at you, “He wishes!”

“So tell me…” You cross your arms protectively over your chest.

“So… we went out to dinner a couple of times, and it was nice to have someone to actually talk to outside of work.” She smiles, shaking her head ruefully, “And I was enjoying getting to know a friend when he made a serious pass at me after our third dinner out.”

“So he didn’t, does he not know, you know, about you…?” You ask, unsure.

“I guess Donny is just one of those guys who thinks that being a lesbian means you just haven’t met the right guy yet. Not to mention he has a wife!” She scoffs and shrugs, “Ever since then it’s been, well, awkward.”

“Oh.” You chew on your lower lip, letting it all sink in.

“Anyway, the lab won’t be done with cleaning up the victim’s make up, running the tox screen and doing MRI I ordered for hours.” She changes the subject, “Want to get outta here?”

“Duh!” You grin at her. “If we hurry, we should be able to catch the beginning of Night of the Living Dead!”


	10. Lucky

“Hey Kid!” Bobby calls to you as you lean up against the hood of your cruiser, “Pickles and hot sauce? It’s the best, you know!”

“Uh sure, whatever you say, Bobby.” You absently look down Mass Ave toward HQ as Bobby completes your Falafel order from the food truck that is always parked in front of the MIT main building.

You and Bobby have a friendly lunch war going on about where you can get the best falafel, and the best shwarma rollups in the city. You have both agreed that you will need to do a whole lot of research to be sure. You smile. Today he’s buying. There is a frigid bite in the air this morning that has previously been missing and you could use something hot in your stomach right about now. You shift and wish for the tacky fake fur collar of your old uniform jacket as you wait for your lunch. Actually, what you really need right now is a nap. _Pathetic!_ Although you hate to admit it, ever since your morning sickness subsided, exhaustion has been running you into the ground. _You hate every single woman who seems to glow their way through pregnancy and talks about how fucking thrilling it is!_ And you hate that even though she is a thousand miles away, and still not really speaking to you, you can still hear your mother’s voice in your head berating you for showing any signs of weakness. You hate it that you are sure she would tell you Peck women are never exhausted, or overly emotional, and if they do suffer from morning sickness or swollen ankles, or the like, that they never succumb to allowing it to effect their performance or outward appearance. You really wish you could talk to Traci about this, but that would mean telling her about your condition, and then your little secret would be out. You can’t even begin to think about how your parents will react when they find out you screwed up again, but you know it won’t be pretty! You are fairly sure they will insist on you coming home, which is, of course, the very last thing you intend to do right now.

Fortunately for you, at seventeen weeks, you still haven’t really begun to show yet. Sure, you’ve gained about eight pounds, and two pants sizes, but most people have yet to notice. You blush as you recall Holly walking up behind you as you got out of the shower this morning and tenderly running her hands over the gentle swell beginning to form in your belly while kissing the back of your neck. You close your eyes and allow yourself to enjoy the memory for just a moment.

“Yo! Peck!” Bobby bumps you with his shoulder, waking you from your reverie. He hands you your sandwich. “I said Cambridge PD called, there has been a development in the Hubbard case.”

“And?” You glare at him as you take a bite of falafel.

_Delicious!_

“And you’re the one with the keys. So… unless you want me to drive…” He answers.

“That’s ok, Bobby, I’ll drive.” You start to move toward the car door, “We’re supposed to be making the streets of Cambridge a safer place, remember?” You give him your best ironic smile.

He just grunts at you as he climbs into the passenger side of the car.

“So, uh, Katherine wanted to be sure that I asked you about what you’re doing for Thanksgiving and the holidays.” Bobby begins in between bites of his sandwich.

“I donno.” You shrug, “I kinda assumed I’d be working.”

“Even if you are,” He continues, with a shrug and a quick smirk, “She wants you to stop by. Have a meal with us. Ya know?”

“Oh. Ok. I’ll think about it.” You reply.

You have only met Bobby’s wife twice, and she has always made a bit of a fuss over you. It’s weird, but you like her. She seems so sweet, but you can tell that she isn’t someone to be taken lightly. In fact, you’re pretty sure that for all of her warmth, she has a core of pure steel.

“She wants you to know that you should bring your friend Holly with you too, if you want.” Bobby says.

You feel your heart stop for just a second, and try not to react, but you feel the heat rising up from your collar, into your ears. _Damn pale skin!_ You see him smiling smugly at you out of the corner of your eye.

“She seems to make you happy. It’s nice. Katherine says she wants to meet her.” He continues guilelessly.

“Ok.” You nervously lick your lips, “I’ll ask her.”

“Alright then.” He looks way too fucking smug. “I’ll let Katherine know.”

You roll your eyes at him. You and Holly have been hanging out for just about eight weeks, and officially dating, or something, for almost half of that time. You haven’t really told anyone but Traci about her, yet. It isn’t that you are ashamed of being with a woman or freaked out about what anyone will think, Holly is awesome! And you know that! Heck, your friends and family will probably like her better than they like you! It’s just that this relationship is so new, so different, and so much more serious than any other relationship you have ever had, you want to keep it close, to protect it before you begin sharing it with the world. And then there is that whole bit about how they will want to meet her, and then you would probably have to explain everything else. _Nope. Not anytime soon!_

You pull into a parking spot right in front of the Cambridge Police Station entrance on Sixth Ave. and turn off your car. Bobby makes no move to get out, continuing to eat his lunch in a relaxed manner and licking the sauce from his fingers.

“What?!” Bobby cocks an eyebrow at you, “I’m gonna finish my lunch before we go inside. Cuz I ain’t sharin’ it with Donny!” He grins wickedly.

You laugh and relax, taking a minute to eat in companionable silence. As you enter the station Sergeant Kent is waiting for you, nervously pacing back and forth in the front hallway.

“It took the two of you long enough.” He grunts at you as a greeting before taking off in the direction of his office at a fast pace.

You glance at Bobby who merely shrugs at you and begins to walk. You follow them into an office where there is a war room laid out on this case. There are maps, and schedules, and photos of the kid, and of his friends and housemates. Holly was right, he received a blunt force trauma to the back and left side of his neck before falling from the roof of the Harvard Science labs building.

“Ok, we’re here Donny, what’s going on?” Bobby begins.

Kent whirls around to fix you with what you can only assume to be his “hard cop stare”. Having grown up with Elaine Peck, you are hardly impressed.

“Before I begin, I just want to make sure we are all on the same page.” He looks you up and down in a way you are sure would make any rookie crap their pants.

_Good thing you’re not one._ You wait, trying not to look as board and annoyed as you feel, and failing.

“Homeland security is all over this case, and the kid’s gazillionare parents had lunch with the Governor two days ago, so I just need to make sure you two won’t screw it up.” He glares harder at you.

You can feel Bobby folding his arms and shifting impatiently next to you.

“Mr. Hubbard and his roommate, Jonathan Holt, were working on a video game involving real time combat simulation. We will be interviewing him, but we need you to track down his class schedule, and anyone else he might have spent time with. Any questions?”

“Just one.” You say blithely, “Are you gonna eat that?”

You point to a bag of Mexican cheese flavored chips on his desk. You feel Bobby repress a snicker.

_“What?!”_ Kent snaps at you.

“Cuz you know, if you’re not…” You whisk it from his desk and crack it open, popping a chip into your mouth. Chewing loudly, you lazily lean forward and pluck the folder Sergeant Kent is holding from his hands. “Thanks for the chips, Donny!”

You execute a perfect Elaine Peck smile, turn on your heel and stride from his office in the direction of your car. Bobby catches up with you as you are standing on the steps overlooking the street.

“Chip?” You tilt the bag at him with a grin.

“Don’t mind if I do.” He plucks a chip from the bag with a laugh. “How did you get to be so dangerous?”

“I learned from the best.” You shrug with a smirk. “Shall we?”

You hand the case file folder to Bobby and fish for your car keys.

* * *

 

You hear your door rattle and the sounds of Holly coming into your apartment, as you are vegging out on your couch after a grueling day of chasing down leads. You weren’t expecting her, but you’re glad she’s here. The re-run of NCIS that you aren’t really watching, goes mindlessly on as you hear her rummaging in your kitchen. Your stomach growls, but you don’t have the energy to get up and do anything about it. Finally, the noise in your kitchen behind you stops, and you hear her quietly pad in your direction. You tilt your head up expectantly, and sure enough, warm lips graze your forehead before she makes her way around to join you on the couch.

“Hey beautiful!” She sighs softly as she comes to rest beside you.

You blush and look at your hands. Nobody has ever made you feel this way. When she calls you beautiful or looks at you with such open adoration it makes you strangely bashful.

“Hey.” Your lips turn up in a tiny smile as you look at her sideways.

Her smile gets bigger. She reaches out to cup your chin, forcing you to look at her as she leans in to kiss you. You melt into her lips, the tension of the day draining from you as her body presses closer. What began soft and slow, quickly picks up speed as hands and tongues explore the ever-increasing expanse of skin that is quickly becoming exposed. Your hips roll into hers in time with your kisses, pulling her on top of you as you both gasp for air. Her glasses get discarded along with her shirt. Your empty stomach chooses to protest with a loud squirk, just as you impatiently fumble with the clasp of her bra. She laughs softly into your mouth

“Gail!” She sits up suddenly, smirking breathlessly at you, “We should either take this into the bedroom, or get up and get something to eat.”

Your stomach rumbles embarrassingly again.

“Ok, I think that’s our answer! This, “ She eyes you up and down with a wolfish grin, “Will keep!”

_“Holly!”_ You whine at her, giving her your most pathetic, pleading, puppy dog pout.

“Nope!” She laughs, jumping off the couch and tugging at your hands, “Not gonna happen!"

“ _But baby…_ ” You whine again, using a pet name this time to try to get your way.

“I know _I’m_ hungry, so I can’t imagine what that raging beast you call your stomach must be feeling right now!” She teases, “I know that there is either Chinese food or a burger out there somewhere with your name on it! Now come on! Move!”

She tugs at your hands.

“If you really loved me, you would call that place and have pizza slipped under the door.” You continue to pout, unsuccessfully.

“No.” She smiles at you with raised eyebrows. “If we have pizza take out for the third time this week, I’m going to make you run an extra five miles with me in the morning!”

“You wouldn’t do that to me in my condition!” You try to sound indignant, but you can tell by the look on her face that you aren’t quite pulling it off.

“What condition is that? Lazy?” She scoffs. “You know you are going to have to change your terrible eating habits when the baby is born. Better to start now!” She pokes playfully at you. “And, for somebody who likes to eat as much as you do, your kitchen is a wasteland! I could be cooking for you right now if we were at mine. Leftover Pad Thai from God knows when, half a jug of milk, three lemons, and a six pack of my favorite beer does not dinner make!”

She rattles off the meager contents of your refrigerator, much to your chagrin.

“Fine!” You grumble, and glare at her, finally getting up, “But you’re paying!”

She laughs as she buttons her shirt and nudges your legs with her toes, “Come on Lazy bones! Let’s go!”

* * *

 

You are lying on your back in bed, staring into the darkness at the ceiling fan rotating slowly, in the night. Light from the city leaks in through the shades and the building hums with the white noise of whatever large apartment buildings such as this make at night, of temperature control systems, and elevators, and plumbing, and so many people going about their lives in one vertical tight space. Holly snuggles closer, pressing her nose into your neck.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Holly whispers.

“What?” You thought she was asleep.

“What are you thinking?” She mumbles into your skin with a sigh.

“I donno. Nothing.” You reply softly, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you up.”

“You’re not really. I just noticed you’re still awake.” She reaches up, tracing your cheek with her hand.

“Bobby’s wife wants to know what I’m doing for their Thanksgiving and for the holidays.” You tell her.

You feel your heart beating loudly in the silence that follows. You don’t know why you’re so nervous, except talking about doing something for the holidays with Holly makes everything suddenly more real somehow.

“Ok…” She prompts you. You take a deep breath. You haven’t talked much about the nature of your relationship after your admission of love on the Cape. You know that things have been progressing, but you don’t want to push, to accidently screw things up.

After a minute you continue, “She wants you to come too.”

“Oh.” She says quietly, “What did you tell him?”

“I told him I would ask you.” You admit. “So… I’m asking. What are you doing for the holidays?”

“Well,” She says carefully, “I don’t have any Thanksgiving plans. And since I have a four-day weekend, I was going to ask if you had any time off because I would love spend it with you!”

There is a warm feeling spreading in your chest. You feel your heart swell as tears spring to your eyes. _Damn emotional hormones!_ _You are becoming a giant sap!_

“I was planning to go home for the week of Christmas,” She continues, “But now, now I don’t know…”

“Why?” You can’t help asking.

“I will miss my family, but I don’t want you to be here by yourself.” She says softly. “I know that you already volunteered to work.”

“Bobby has a big mouth!” You grumble.

“Yeah, well, he worries about you. And I do too!” She admits. “And besides, I want to be with you!”

“You do?” You are surprised by the emotion in her voice.

“Of course I do! Silly!” Her arms tighten around you as she says this.

“Because you know, you don’t have to…” You say bravely, “I would be ok… And I will be working besides…”

“Gail,” She interrupts, “Right now I hate every single person who made you feel like you weren’t worth it!”

Silent tears spill helplessly down your cheeks as she says this. You can’t believe you get to be this lucky! You draw a shaky breath as she smoothes your cheeks with her thumbs and leans in to kiss you.

“They’re all fools!” She murmurs into your lips. “You are so fucking wonderful, Gail, and if they can’t see that they are just cruel, cruel idiots!”

Her eyes search yours intensely in the dim light. You suppress a sob, melting into her as her lips meet yours again, kissing you deeply. _Yup. So very lucky_!


	11. Birthday Girl

Today is your birthday. If you were at home, if you were still one of Toronto’s finest, your friends would be taking you out to celebrate at the Penny tonight. Your parent’s would insist that you see them for a birthday celebration dinner this weekend, somewhere ridiculously expensive that you wouldn’t ever pick to go on your own. If you were home, Steve would be ambushing you right now with some highly embarrassing birthday surprise in the middle of the squad room. But you’re here. Today you are turning twenty-nine years old, and you don’t expect anyone to know or care. But there was a chocolate frosted doughnut with multicolored sprinkles, and a candle, along with a silly card from Bobby on your desk when you got to work today. You have no idea how he knows, but it made you smile in spite of yourself. You don’t have long to wait before Bobby appears out of your boss’s office with your assignments for the day, as well as next week’s schedule. 

“Can we roll outta here in ten?” He asks, handing you a cup of coffee.

“Sure.” You shrug, noncommittally, “Why not?”

You give the assignment sheet a once over with a jaundice eye. Today you will be patrolling East Cambridge through Kendal Square, and then doing a walk-through of one of the older science buildings with it’s cluster of semi-private labs assigned to older students. With midterms just around the corner, you expect the place to be full. While you are there, you have been assigned to investigate some graffiti vandalizing a back stairwell, and the inside of a freight elevator. Oh boy. Will today’s excitement never end?

“Hey Bobby!” You call after him as he turns to go, “Thanks!” You lift the doughnut in a salute, before taking a bite.

“No problem, Birthday Girl!” He winks at you.

Your phone buzzes as you take a tentative first sip of your coffee. Not bad.

Chris: Happy Birthday Gail! 

You feel yourself flush, pleasantly surprised that he is the first of your friends back home to remember.

Champion of the World: Thanks Chris! You Remembered!

Chris: Of course I remembered! Anyway, I hope you have a good one! 

King of the Dorks: Hey! I remembered too! Happy Birthday Gail!

Champion of the World: You only remembered B-cuz Chris told you :p

King of the Dorks: Did not! I told him!

Champion of the World: Whatever.

Chris: We miss you Gail!

You roll your eyes, smirk, and reply.

Champion of the World: Now you are going to make me throw up the delicious doughnut Bobby got me for breakfast!

You feel a twinge of homesickness for the your boys, for your old life. You hate to admit it, but sometimes you miss living in what everyone called the Peckdiazstein frat house. Sure, it was messy, and loud, and there was always something going on, but it was home. And in-spite of the fact that Chris is your ex, and Dov has always been an asshole about your family name, and the privilege he still thinks it affords you, you know that they care about you more than most. 

“Ok Peck! Let’s roll!” Bobby calls to you from across the squad.

“Great.” You grumble, rolling your eyes at him as you grab your coat and your coffee.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

The morning goes by more quickly than you expected and now you are totally kicking ass on the beta copy of the war game connected with the Hubbard case. You can’t quite believe they are making you check it out as part of the investigation – not that you’re complaining! You can see why somebody might be willing to kill for it. With the virtual reality goggles and super sick graphics, it is possibly the most fun you can remember having with your clothes on in quite a while. You are behind enemy lines, about to attack a group of insurgents when there is somebody trying to get your attention by sharply poking at your shoulder.

“What?” You say just as sharply, without removing your goggles or pausing the game.

Poke. Poke. Poke. 

You are about to commit a murder of your own. You wonder if Holly will help you dispose of the body.

“What do you want? Lt. Sanchez of the Cambridge P.D. asked me to take a look at this, so it better be important!” You growl at the annoying person who is poking you.

You are starting to get really pissed off, and it’s weird because no one has treated you like this since you left Toronto. 

Poke. Poke. Poke.

“That’s it!” You exclaim as you hit pause on the game and whirl around, as you stand up whipping the goggles from your face. You are just about to lay into Bobby or whoever thinks they are being funny with you, when your jaw drops in shock.

“Steve?”

He smirks at you for just a minute before answering.

“Took you long enough! Happy Birthday little sister!” He reaches out to muss your hair with both hands. “Jeeze! Look at you!”

“Steve, what are you doing here?” You blink at him barely believing he is standing right in front of you.

“The International Conference on cross border Gang Activity is in Boston this year.” He shrugs. “ I came a day or two early to surprise my one and only little sister on her birthday, and take her out on the town – if she doesn’t already have plans that is…”

“Uh, well, I kinda do…” You say with a frown.

You and Steve just look at each other for a minute. You still can’t believe he’s here to take you out on your birthday! 

“But you know…” You say awkwardly, “Let me make a phone call. I’ll see if I can change them…”

“That’s cool.” He smirks all too knowingly at you, “Why don’t you see if your friend can join us… That would be Holly. Right?”

You freeze in the middle of reaching for your phone that is charging on your desk, and turn to look at him.

“What about Holly?” you demand. You are going to kill Traci for telling him about Holly! 

“Whoa Gail! Relax!” Steve smirks at you. “Traci just wanted me to know you might have plans before I switched my flight and showed up here unannounced.”

“Oh.” You relax slightly, nodding at him. “Is Traci here too?” You ask suddenly nervous again. You know if Traci gets one good look at you she will know about your pregnancy immediately. She has a crazy sixth sense about these things that has always baffled and amazed you.

“Nope.” Steve says, popping the P like you do, wrinkling his forehead, and squinting his eyes at you, “Sorry. Just me. Look, will you stop being so freaky for once?”

“Am not!” You glare at him

“Are too!” He smirks at you

“Am not!” You glare harder

“Are too!” His grin grows wider as he pokes at your ribs.

“Am not!” You dance and twist away, almost evading his annoying poky fingers.

“Are too!” He laughs at you, “And just call her. Ok?”

“Fine.” You poke back at him, your finger scoring hard between his ribs as you scoot to get your phone, placing the chair between the two of you. You can see Bobby watching your antics with an amused and somewhat quizzical expression from across the room as you dial.

“Hey.” You can feel the soft smile forming on your lips as Holly answers, “Steve is in town and he wants to take us out to dinner if that’s ok with you.”

“Steve. That’s your brother, right?” Holly says, sounding a bit perplexed.

“Uh huh.” You nod. You walk away from Steve, hoping for a tiny amount of privacy.

“And he just showed up?” She queries.

“He’s in town for that conference on cross border gang activity.” You state plainly.

“Oh that!” She says excitedly, “My supervisor just asked if I wanted to go sit in with our team on the panel about drug mules and heroine over dose!”

“You are such a nerd!” You laugh at her. 

“But wait… The conference doesn’t start until Monday, or Sunday night if you count the cocktail reception. Doesn’t he hate those things too? And why didn’t you tell me he was coming?” She sounds confused.

“Um, well yeah, I mean no, he does, but I had no idea he was going to be here. And, he came early to surprise me on my birthday.” You grin, suddenly allowing the happiness you felt as a shock when you realized it was Steve poking you resurface. 

“It’s your birthday?” Holly asks you. And there is something weird, like concern, in the tone of her voice that worries you for some reason you can’t place. 

“Uh… yeah…it is.” You answer, suddenly unsure where this is going, maybe wishing you hadn’t let it slip.

“Oh Honey, I wish you had told me! Now I feel bad.” She sounds deflated.

“I’m sorry?” You don’t really know how to answer that. It isn’t like you are hiding it from her it just never came up. You start to fidget and pace.

“Don’t be sorry. I just wish I had known so I could have planned something special for you.” She says softly.

“Oh… Well we were going to have dinner together tonight?” You offer.

“Gail, sitting in front of the TV at my place with Chinese take out is great, but it isn’t special.” She laughs at you.

“Come out with me and Steve?” You ask again softly.

“Yes.” She says firmly after a minute, “Yes, of course.”

“Ok.” You don’t know why you feel relieved, but you do. “Meet me here at eight? Or should we come get you?” You ask.

“I can meet you there.” You can hear the warmth in her voice as she says this, “And Gail. Thanks.”

“For what?” You ask, slightly taken aback by her response.

“You know, “ She says softly, “For this… and letting me meet your brother…”

“Well don’t thank me yet… He is kind of an ass…” You interrupt.

“Alright.” She is laughing at you again. “See you at eight.”

“Bye.” You feel yourself smiling as you hang up your phone. “What?!” you demand as you look up to find Steve leaning on your desk, watching you with an opaque little grin .

“Nothing.” He smiles knowingly at you. 

You look past him and watch Bobby saunter across the room in your direction. It is all becoming so much, so overwhelming. You still can’t quite believe Steve is actually here!

“Hey Bobby, “ You call out to your partner as he approaches, “This is my brother Steve.”

Steve pushes himself off of your desk with his right hand extended. “Detective Steve Peck, Toronto PD.” He says with a cocky grin. “And Gail’s brother.”

“Well Detective,” Bobby says, ignoring Steve’s proffered hand, “Robert J. O’Brien, MIT Security Forces.”

You look nervously between the two of them as they size each other up.

“Steve, this is my partner, Bobby.” You state the obvious, not knowing what else to do.

“Nice of you to show up on her birthday.” Bobby drawls, crossing his arms and lifting an eyebrow.

You feel a swell of warmth for the older, more muscular man, standing protectively between you and your brother. Even though you haven’t said much about your relationship with Steve, Bobby knows how contentious your relationship with the rest of your family can be.

“It’s ok Bobby,” You say, “I’m glad he’s here.”

“Ok.” Bobby shrugs, “So Detective, has Gail given you the tour of our humble little headquarters yet?”

You can hear the sarcasm dripping from every word, and you know it isn’t lost on Steve.

“No, but actually I’m going to let Gail get back to work as I go check in to my hotel. I will be back to pick my sister up after her shift. Would you care to join us for a drink after work?” Steve replies with a smile.

“Maybe.” Bobby turns to look at you, “That depends…”

You know Steve loves you, but he is probably also collecting intel for your parents.

“Sure.” You shrug, “Why not.”

“Ok.” Steve smiles at you, “Then I’ll see you later little sister! You do know Mom is going to have a fit when she finds out about how much you’ve let yourself go.” He pokes again at your thickening waistline, “Even though I think it looks good on you. You were getting to be a little too thin before you left. ”

Bobby looks sharply at him, as you say, “And just who’s going to tell her?” 

Steve shrugs and snaps a picture with his phone.

“Good to meet you Bobby!” He smiles again and strides from the station.

Shit.

You turn to find Bobby looking at you quizzically. 

“So, when are you going to tell him?” He asks in a voice that is more gentle than usual.

“I donno Bobby, but I don’t want to think about what’s going to happen when they find out.” You sigh.

“You know it’s going to happen sooner or later.” He says. “But whatever happens, I got your back.”

You feel a swell of gratitude toward this gruff older man. 

“I know.” You say in a barely audible voice.

“Ok then Kid, let’s get back to work!” He slaps you on the shoulder as he hands you the controller for your game.

“Hey Bobby!” You call after him as he turns to go, “Thanks!”

“For what?” He grins and winks at you before walking off in the direction of the evidence lock up.


	12. Birthday pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail goes out for her birthday with Steve and Bobby and Holly. Assumptions are challenged and secrets revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your support! For the PMs, and Reviews, and Tweets, and Comments, and Tumblr reposts, etc... I'm glad you are all reading and enjoying this story!

You are sitting at the black granite bar of the tiny, yet elegant restaurant in downtown Boston you have no idea how Steve knew existed, never mind would take you to. It’s tucked into the end of a side street, across from a louder less up-scale place you had assumed was your destination before Steve had steered you in here. Holly called to say she was running late, so now you are Bobby and Steve talking about police work as you sip at the soda water with lemon and just a splash of cranberry you ordered, much to Steve’s surprise. 

“I’m on call all weekend.” You say, as Steve lifts an eyebrow at your lack of alcohol.

“That never stopped you before.” He shoots back.

“Well, maybe I don’t want to screw up this time.” Your answer comes out more bitterly than you had expected. You feel your stomach clench waiting to see if Steve was going to buy your flimsy excuse.

Bobby just shrugs as Steve looks over at him. 

“She’s a good one, your sister.” Bobby, smiles at you as he says this, and you somehow know that he means it.

“Oh really.” You raise your eyebrows at him.

“Yeah. Really.” He grins back at you.

Whatever Steve was going to say gets lost as the door of the bar opens and the three of you turn to see Holly standing in the doorway. You feel your breath hitch slightly and a faint blush color your cheeks as she turns to find you. Her hair is smoother and shinier than usual cascading down her shoulders in soft waves over her long, dark, wool peacoat, which hangs open to reveal a deep burgundy blouse and a black suit jacket and pencil skirt that ends several inches above the knee. Her face lights up with a luminous smile when finally she spots you, and you feel yourself hopelessly blushing a darker crimson, speechless.

Damn hormones! Damn pale skin!

You can feel Steve watching you intently. Bobby is the first to move, going over to greet Holly with a gentlemanly kiss on the cheek and an offer to take her coat. He leads her back through the crowded bar, her over coat hanging neatly over one arm. She pulls you into a fierce hug when they reach you, and you feel your heart swell and speed up as you hug her back.

“I’m so glad you’re here!” You murmur into her ear before releasing her.

She smiles nervously at you now, biting her lower lip in a way you find adorable, and sexy, knowing she is unsure if she went too far with PDA in front of your brother and in public. You smile warmly back at her feeling Steve’s eyes on you the whole time. Keeping one hand gently, but firmly anchored on her waist you turn toward him.

“Steve, this is Holly.” You make the introduction feeling more exposed than you thought you would.

“Hey Holly. It’s nice to meet you.” He says with a nod, and you can tell by the gentle smirk on his face that he totally gets what is going on between you.

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you too!” Holly smiles warmly at him. “I’ve heard so much about you.” 

“All lies!” He laughs, “Unless, of course, Gail was bragging about how awesome I am!” He winks at her, and she laughs too. 

“Gail tells me you are a detective in the Guns and Gangs unit of the Toronto Police.” Holly says smiling at him. 

“That’s right.” Steve smirks, “And I know our parents were hoping that Gail would follow in my footsteps, before she resigned and became a Uni-cop.”

“Excuse me?” You feel Bobby bristle next to you and hear the edge in his voice.

“Come on Bobby, It’s not like you guys are on a real police force anymore.” Steve turns to him, “No disrespect or anything, I’m just sayin’.” 

The room is suddenly hot, your stomach clenching around the shame of your brother’s insult; not so much for yourself, that you can handle, but for Bobby. You were hoping that they would get along.

“Steve…” You beg, pleading with him with your eyes to stop.

“No Gail, it’s ok.” Bobby says brusquely, placing a slightly restraining hand on your arm, “I can see where he might think that.”

“I’m sorry man, really…” Steve begins to apologize. “Look… I didn’t mean…”

“You know what? I can see where you might think that.” Bobby interrupts, giving Steve a hard look, “But I’ll have you know that the MIT Security force is made up of highly decorated law enforcement personnel from across this continent. And if your sister was not a an excellent police officer, she would not have earned her position here.” 

You thought Bobby was insulted, but you can’t quite believe that he is standing up for you, taking offence on your behalf. It makes you feel a giant swell of affection for your partner that balloons in your chest, and prickles behind your eyes. You feel Holly moving closer behind you as well, resting her hand softly on the small of your back, in almost an embrace. 

Steve looks like he is about to say something, but Bobby doesn’t let him.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Bobby continues, “That we are just glorified rent-a-cops, but I’ll have you know that most of us retired from the regular job with honors.”

You want to say something, but the words are all stuck behind the giant lump in your throat. You finally manage look at him offering up a small but sincerely grateful smile. Bobby smiles fondly back.

“I hear you used to be a detective too.” Holly smiles warmly at him.

“That’s right.” He says somewhat smugly, “I was the Sergeant Detective in charge of the K-9 special drug taskforce at Division D-4.”

“Why did you leave?” You can’t help but ask, in a quiet voice, hating to betray your ignorance.

“When Theresa, my youngest, was about sixteen months old, I was on a routine Marijuana bust up in the Cathedral Projects, when my team and I got caught in the crossfire between two competing gangs who were fighting over turf.” He shrugs, “My partner took two in the vest. I wasn’t so lucky. I remember being more afraid of what was going to happen when Kate found out, than I was about being shot.” He laughs. “Fortunately the bullet went through and through, nicked my spleen, and missed my spine.”

You see Steve squirm visibly and deflate a little.

“So what happened?” You know it’s a dumb question, but it’s all you can think to say.

Bobby smirks, “I clearly remember Kate threatening to finish the job if I ever got shot again and messed up our girls lives, as they wheeled me off to surgery. So… I was smart enough to take the early retirement package I was offered by my union rep, and get a less dangerous, better paying job. Because I never want to find out what kind of slow, painful death my wife had in mind for me.”

Steve clears his throat, his shoulders sagging slightly.

“Look,” He says again, “I’m really sorry. That came out all wrong earlier.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Bobby shrugs and drinks from the beer bottle he’s holding. “But speaking of which, I should go.” He looks at his watch, “If I miss Theresa’s Varsity Basketball game, I will be spending the rest of the weekend on your couch.” He winks at you. “Happy Birthday Kid!” And turning to Steve, “No hard feelings. It’s good to finally meet Gail’s famous brother. You should know how proud I am to be able to call your sister my partner.”

This might be the best birthday present anyone has ever given you. You watch as they shake hands and Bobby grins, knowing that he’s won.

“See you Monday!” He calls over his shoulder as he swaggers toward the door, leaving a wake in the crowd as he passes.

As the evening goes on, Steve is witty and charming, in a way that makes you nervous. You can tell he is pumping Holly for information with all the subtlety of a freight train, in your opinion, but then again, you were raised by cops and are fully aware of the interrogation techniques he is currently employing on your girlfriend. Holly doesn’t seem to mind, or notice. You wonder how much of this is him looking out for you, and how much will get back to your mother. Even though Steve is one of your favorite people, and you can generally trust him to have your back, you know that he will be expected to give a full report of your visit, and while he won’t really harm you, he will use what he can to his advantage. You wish for just a moment that you could tell him that he’s going to be an uncle, but you don’t want to burden him with your secret. Not yet, anyway. 

Dinner is a lovely affaire; you have to admit, even if Steve does embarrass you by having the waitstaff sing you “Happy Birthday” over the molten chocolate cake he orders for the three of you. And now the three of you have made your way back to the dark, comfortable downstairs Alibi Bar at the Liberty Hotel, where Steve is staying and the conference will be held. You are gingerly sipping the single glass of champagne you are allowing yourself for this occasion, letting the bubbles burst deliciously on your tongue and the alcohol go straight to your head. You know that it’s probably scientifically impossible to be tipsy on three tiny sips of champagne, but you relax into the feeling. You smile as you watch Steve proceed ply Holly with the tequila shots he had intended to buy you. Holly is becoming more animated in her discussion of stab wounds and bullet analysis, much to your amusement. Although he won’t admit it, you can tell that Steve is impressed with Holly and her knowledge of forensic police work. You are just grateful that it takes his focus from you, for the time being. 

You sigh and push your mostly full glass at Holly as Steve leaves your table, going to buy another round at the bar. She drinks it down and giggles at you, clearly tipsier than she has been letting on to be. 

“Gail,” She says placing the empty glass in front of you, and clutching at your arm, “Are you trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me?”

“I am clearly not the one buying the drinks tonight, Holly.” You smirk back at her, feeling a wave of affection for your adorably tipsy girl.

“You gave me champagne!” She accuses, poking you in the chest with a pointed finger to punctuate her words.

You arch an eyebrow at her and purse your lips in a silent challenge. She leans in toward you, lightly gripping your shoulder at the juncture of your neck for stability with her other hand. Your heart skips a beat, and you feel yourself blush as your body responds forcefully to her touch.

“You know how I get when I drink champagne.” Her voice is a low, sexy growl in your ear that sends shivers up your spine.

Her lips are barely brushing yours when you hear Steve clear his throat loudly. The two of you break apart as you whirl around to face him.

“Ugh! God Gail! Get a room!” He mocks, smirking and then laughing at you.

You wait until he has set down the drinks before you punch him in the chest. He laughs and grabs you into a headlock, rubbing his knuckles into the top of your head. You are just about to stomp on his toes and knee him in the nuts when a deep and somewhat familiar voice intervenes.

“Hey! Is everything alright here?”

Steve releases you quickly, ruffling your hair with his palm before letting you go completely. 

“Jacob! I didn’t know you were here!” Steve exclaims, blushing slightly.

You look up to see Detective Jacob Blackstone from Toronto PD Narcotics standing before you. You used to see him hanging around the station. He’s a hairy little man, who has always both fascinated and repulsed you. You heard your parents talking about him when they didn’t know you were listening, talking about the under cover op that Nick and Andy are on right now, talking about how he’s the one running it from the Canadian side. You have always wondered how much your mother’s hatred for your relationship with Nick influenced his getting that particular assignment. Not that it matters anymore. You wonder if he’s here, who is taking care of monitoring the safety of your friends undercover, or if it’s already over.

“You didn’t actually think you would be the only one getting to come to this conference, did you Peck?” Blackstone replies while reaching out to grip Steve’s hand. 

“You know my little sister, Gail, don’t you?” Steve asks while shaking hands vigorously with him. “And this is her friend Dr. Holly Stewart, from the Massachusetts Medical Examiner’s office.”

“Detective Jacob Blackstone,” He smiles and leers in a way that makes your skin crawl slightly.

“Wait. Wait!” You demand, “Don’t you have that thing you’re in charge of? How are you even here?”

“Gail…” Steve says, the tone of his voice warning you to stop.

“No, it’s ok.” Blackstone says turning to Steve, “She has a right to be concerned about her friends, I mean she and McNally were in the same class at the academy.”

You don’t know how he knows this, but he must have read your file and your application for the undercover position before you left.

“Don’t worry,” He says turning to you with that same smarmy grin, “They’re safe enough. In fact, they’re both on a little vacation furlough in Niagara while I’m here. They could have gone home for the week, but they didn’t want to break out of character.”

Even though it is over with Nick, even though you live here now, even though you are with Holly, and you are pretty sure you are a lesbian, you feel the color drain from your face as he says this, confirming everything you suspected was going on before you left. And it hits you. You realize it isn’t Nick, but Andy’s betrayal of your friendship that has your stomach in knots.

“I’m sorry.” Blackstone says, gauging your reaction, “Maybe I’ve said too much.”

“No, no. I’m just glad they’re safe.” You reply in a far less bitchy tone than you feel. “But listen,” You continue, turning now to your brother, “I’ve had a long day, and it’s late…”

“You’re going to go?” You realize he looks slightly hurt as he says this.

“Yeah.” You sigh, and in a moment of impulse you do something you never do. You lean in to hug him and murmur into his ear, “Thanks for the best birthday ever!”

“I’ll see you before I go home.” He says. It’s not a question. Are those tears you see shimmering behind his intense blue eyes?

“Of course!” You punch him lightly on the arm. You turn to Holly who has been silently observing this entire little scene unfold. “Take me home!” You say, with an urgency you can barely contain all of a sudden.  
She smiles brilliantly at you and then at Blackstone and Steve, “It was a pleasure meeting you both.” She says, “Especially you!” She gives Steve a tiny kiss on the cheek that makes him blush and smile.

“Ready?” You say as you shrug on your leather jacket and take her by the hand.

You walk from the bar out into the cobblestone courtyard to catch a cab. You are about to give the driver your address, when Holly leans in and gives him hers instead. In all of the time you’ve known her, you have only been to her place once before. It surprises you. Before you have a chance to say anything, she smiles at you, nervously fidgeting with her glasses, and then kisses you soundly.

“It’s not fair,” she begins to whisper into your lips, “we haven’t had a lot of time together lately, and I have had to behave myself in front of Bobby and your brother all night…” 

“Mmmm, poor you..” You hum back at her.

“And you gave me champagne!” She pouts, “So unfair!”

“Uh huh…” You smile, ghosting your lips across her jaw line to nip at the sensitive skin beneath her ear.

“So now,” She continues in a low voice that hitches slightly at the movement of your tongue on her skin, “I just want you in my bed.”

Your heart stops as you forget to breathe. It’s your 29th birthday, and you swear you could have died right then and there.


	13. Holly's Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail and Holly leave Steve at his hotel and go to Holly's place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the reviews, comments, tweets, PMs etc... It's what keeps me writing!

You make the cab stop at the bottom of her street in front of the late night pizza joint, shoving bills at the driver and apologizing for giving him the wrong address. The night is cold and clear. Steam rises from the runoff grates set into the street, and from the open manhole where workers are doing some kind of late night maintenance. It dances like ghosts in the waltz of yellow light coming from the utility trucks, and the flashers on the corners of yellow and black striped sawhorses that block off the area, and floats away on the chilly breeze that ruffles your hair and gets under your collar. You blow into your cupped hands for warmth, and to give yourself something to do as you watch Holly emerge from her side of the cab and steady herself slightly on stiletto heels and the cobblestone sidewalk.

“After all that, I wouldn’t think you would still be hungry. Well, not for food anyway…” She teases, arching her eyebrows suggestively at you as she says this.

You watch the color rise in her cheeks, and think about how beautiful she is, and how lucky you are. You don’t want to admit it’s your paranoia about giving anyone, especially taxi cab drivers your actual home address that made you cut your ride short.

“I thought we might need a snack for later.” You wiggle your eyebrows at her, making her giggle. Giggle. It has got to possibly be the most adorable sound ever! Oh my God! You know must be in way over your head to be thinking this way! But somehow you don’t mind, and the joy you hear bubbling out of Holly it makes you smile.

You open the heavy, dark wood door by it’s ornate iron handle and the most heavenly aroma of freshly baking pizza, herbs and garlic hits you, making your stomach growl and your mouth water. In spite of the late hour, the place is still quite lively. There are couples at the bar, and a group of guys playing pool, and a jukebox playing classic rock.

“What can I do for you lovely ladies tonight?” The somewhat round, balding man behind the gleaming dark wood of the oak bar asks.

“We would like a large cheese pizza with garlic sauce, to go, and my friend would like a St. Germaine Champagne cocktail while we wait.” You say with a smile. 

This place reminds you of The Black Penny, your regular bar, back home. You offer Holly a bar stool, but you remain standing, somewhat on guard in this unfamiliar place.

“Nothing for you?” He replies as he places a tall, thin glass in front of Holly, with a fresh violet as a garnish.

“How’s your coffee?” You inquire.

“Espresso.” He says. 

You nod.

As he turns to the large, ancient, brass machine you are impressed to see in the corner, Holly leans over to whisper in your ear, “You know, you don’t have to get me drunk to have your way with me, don’t you?”

The room suddenly becomes almost uncomfortably hot, and you swallow around the lump that has formed in your throat before responding. You scoot closer to her, blocking the view of her lap from the room as you run the palm of your hand up the inside of her thigh under her skirt, beneath the bar. You smirk as you watch her momentary surprise, and then her pupils dilate and her sharp intake of breath as you lean closer. “Mmmm…” You hum affirmatively back at her.

The barman clears his throat as he slides a neat demitasse cup with a perfect curl of lemon peal in front of you.

“So…What brings you ladies out here tonight?” he asks.

You smile at him, not removing your hand from where it has nestled against Holly’s intoxicating silky skin. You let your fingertips play lightly with its lovely soft texture as you answer him. “We were just on our way back to my friend’s place after a night out.” 

“That’s nice.” He replies, “ You live in the neighborhood? I haven’t seen either of you in here before.”

Holly shifts, and crosses her legs, squeezing your hand and stilling your fingers. She takes a rather large sip of her drink before replying. “Yes, I live right up the hill from here. But I’m still rather new to the neighborhood.”

“That’s nice.” He smiles at you, “I’m Anthony.”

“I’m Holly and this is Gail.” Holly smiles at you with a mischievous glint in her eye. She extends her hand to shake, and you realize that your right hand is still trapped between the vice of Holly’s thighs, making it impossible to shake his hand or turn to face him fully, so you simply give a little smile and nod.

“A pleasure.” He says with a nod of his own. “Well I should go check on your pizza. It should be up any minute now.”

As you watch him retreat toward the kitchen, Holly sips on her drink with a smirk. “Can’t take you anywhere!” She teases, “If I let you go, are you going to behave?”

“At least until you get me home.” You smirk back at her. “Besides, I don’t really think you want to crush that hand. You like it way too much.”

“You’re right. I do.” She says softly, looking into your eyes while shifting her legs to release you.

You swallow hard, suddenly flushed as you feel the impact of her words and the raw desire you see in her eyes thunder through you.

Holly refuses to let you pay when he returns with the fragrant, warm box. The temperature outside seems to have dropped again, and she hooks your arm as you march up her street, the buzz of expectant want causing you to pick up your pace. Soon, the vast brick facade of the old warehouse that has been converted into artist studios, and lofts looms before you. She fumbles for her keys, while pressing her body into yours, and your ass into the cold granite of the top of the wall that acts as a railing at the top of the wide, stone stairs. Kissing you soundly as she opens the iron bound door, the urgent longing that surges through you makes you feel like you might explode. She tastes like languid summer days, and Christmas morning, and necessity, and hope, with a sweet aftertaste of champagne. You barely notice as she pulls up the gate and tugs you gently forward into the waiting, ancient freight elevator, which is little more than a moving wooden platform, and you are sure is a deathtrap. She hands you the pizza as it lurches to a halt, laughing quietly into your lips at your surprised reaction. 

You follow quickly behind, as she strides down the cavernous, darkly lit hallway to what is clearly a corner unit on the end. You have only been here once, in daylight, and never into her actual home. You feel your stomach clench and thrum with a pulsing need and nervous anticipation that echoes through out your body and beats a feral rhythm in the pulse point of your throat. You barely notice the spectacular view of the city below through her towering arched windows, because all you can see is her. Leaning in the doorway you hesitate briefly as she drops her keys in the bowl by the door and toes her shoes off. Illuminated by only the glow from the street, her eyes glitter with such open ardor you have to touch her now or you know you will burst into flames. You set the all but forgotten pizza down on the bench just inside her loft and turn to catch her by the wrist. The door slams miraculously shut behind you. Your bodies collide and she pushes you up against its cool, smooth surface, her face a dangerous mere centimeters from yours, the heavy warmth of her breath on your skin. You feel the gush of heat, thick and fluid between your thighs, your heart hammering wildly against your ribs as her mouth finds the juncture of your neck and her hands push insistently at the shoulders of your coat, willing it off. It falls to the floor with a thud, quickly followed by her own. As your hands reach to work at the rear zipper of her skirt, she pushes you firmly back, pinning you to the door. 

“Shhhh…” She murmurs into the sensitive skin of your ear, taking a moment to nibble delicately at the lobe, “I just want you…”  
Never before have you allowed anyone to simply take you, to be in such total control; not any of your dates, not your one night stands, not Nick, and certainly not Chris. You involuntarily whimper when she pushes her hipbone into your pelvis, slipping her firm thigh between your legs, pinning you as her hands find their way under your sweater. Fingertips linger on the sensitive skin beneath your breasts, skimming along the indents between your ribs.

“Holy fuck Holly!” You breathe out, as she cups your breasts, her thumbs brushing over your hardening nipples.

Her look is triumphant, cocky, and all together pleased with herself, as she pulls back, dropping her hands to your waist to gaze at you before leaning in to kiss you again.

“Let’s go to bed.” She demands, her voice thick and husky. It fuels the inferno raging inside of you. 

You follow her up the spiral stair that leads to her upper floor, feeling as if you have run a marathon to the foot of her bed. She steps back a pace to click on a low, stained glass lamp on her bedside table.

“I want to see you.” 

She bites her lower lip as she reaches back to unzip her skirt and let it slide from her hips, her eyes never leaving yours. You barely contain the whine that rises in the back of your throat at the blatant longing you see smoldering there. Soon you are both naked. You take a moment to take the sight of her in. Her skin seems to glow, molten and golden, in the amber light of the lamp. Her body moves all as one piece with the simple grace of a wild animal as she glides forward to stand between your legs. And her eyes, her eyes capture you in their depths, in the sincere adoration you scarcely dare to believe is meant for you. You lick your lips as you reach up to cradle her jaw in your fingertips, pulling her closer.

“You are so beautiful!” She murmurs, before her lips fuse to yours once more. And then she is on you, and inside you, and all over you. There are fingers that explore curves, depths, and crannies, and mouths that suck, and taste, and bite, and hips that buck and slide. You are beyond caring, beyond reason, spinning dangerously out of control. Your moan becomes a wordless shout as she enters you while sucking hard on your left nipple, turning you inside out, making you forget everything but this, everything but her. Holding on, fingers digging into flesh, breath coming in gasps, and moans, and cries, you surrender to her as she flays you open with her touch, binds you to her unrelenting rhythm, and burns you to the ground with her eyes. And when you cum, it is the flash that leaves your shadow etched behind on stone, it cracks you open as you are battered by each atomic shock wave, vaporizing everything you know, transforming the very molecules of your being into light.

When you finally open your eyes, she is there snuggled up to your side, her legs hooked and curled beneath yours. You feel her arms tighten possessively when you turn your head to look at her.

“Hi.” She whispers, her fingertips ghosting along your cheek.

“Hi.” You whisper back with a sleepy smile.

“I love you.” She whispers, leaning in to kiss you. “So very much.”

“I love you too.” You say it back shyly, watching your forefinger trace her collarbone.

She cups your jaw gently in her fingertips, causing you to look up into her eyes. She takes a deep breath, “Maybe you don’t know it, but I just feel so lucky sometimes. You know? I never in my life thought someone like you would ever fall for me too…”

Your heart swells at the look you can barely credit in her eyes, at the wonder you feel from her words. Surely she must be teasing you. You bite back the automatic sarcastic retort, and swallow hard as you realize she isn’t. 

“I’m the lucky one.” You finally murmur.

She kisses you harder and you think, this has got to be the best birthday ever.


	14. December

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the week before Christmas and Holly is away for a conference in Miami.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this Chapter has taken so long to get done! Thank you for reading and for all of your comments, PMs, follows, tweets, etc...

There is no more hiding or denying it, at twenty-three weeks your baby belly has officially popped making you feel like even more like an overstuffed sausage than you already did. A grumpy, slightly unevenly over heated, and partially frozen overstuffed sausage; your ankles and feet are swollen, your belly is sticking out, your back is aching, and you are bundled within an inch of your life in down, and wool, and Gortex with a red, running, chapped nose and scarlet cheeks. As the temperature drops and you are stuck doing crowd control in the freezing rain outside of Kresge Auditorium. Fucking former US President Jimmy Carter! Fucking global warming and its impact on poverty in the Third World symposium! You would like to say a thing or two to him about global warming right now, as your feet turn into two numb blocks of ice in spite of the heavily insulated snow boots that were issued to you last week, and your wool sox. The only consolation is the mind numbing Christmas music they are playing inside isn’t being broadcast out here. You know you shouldn’t be in such a bad mood, but no one had better do anything to piss you off today! The sleet continues to batter you, coming down in sheets that are beginning to be mixed with clumpy wet snow, finding its way under your collar, running in icy drips and tiny rivers down your back. Nifty.

It happened at the end of your eighteenth week, right before Steve left. One day your waistline was simply thicker and then the next morning – pop – you were obviously pregnant! You hope the bulky sweater under your even bulker police coat disguised it sufficiently for him not to notice. With one look at the photos of you, you have a feeling Traci will figure it out, even if Steve can be an idiot. You brace yourself for the questions that don’t come when you talk with her the week after Steve’s visit, not sure if she’s holding back or if you’re just being paranoid. But you’re pretty sure she knows and is barely holding back, waiting for you to tell her. She has that tone in her voice you’ve heard before when she works at coaxing things out of you, and out of her son, and out of murder suspects.

Bobby saunters back down the line of waiting attendees to hand you a hot paper cup of coffee. You grip it tightly allowing the warmth to permeate your mittened hands before you take a grateful sip. Bobby you can deal with. He’s someone you have come to count on, someone you actually like. He’s someone who doesn’t try to scold you or stop you from still drinking coffee. 

“Kate says you and Holly should come to dinner again this week.” He says as he looks off across the foggy field, coming to stand shoulder to shoulder with you. 

“Oh really.” You smile into your coffee, “I’ll see what I can do.”

Holly has been away for a week in Miami earning Continuing Medical Education credits, and hanging out with her medical school friends. And as much as you don’t want to admit it, you miss her and you hate it that she’s gone. 

“Katherine said to tell you how much we enjoyed having the two of you for Thanksgiving.” He continues, before taking a sip of his own coffee. “It was fun!”

You can’t help your smile getting bigger at the memory.

“She says I am to be sure to make you come for Christmas.” He continues, looking sideways at you this time.

“You know I’m working” You shrug.

“I know. I’ll be working with you.” He states simply.

“But your family…! Come on Bobby, I can’t ruin your Christmas for you!” You turn, eyes wide with surprise.

“What would ruin my Christmas is having Katherine make me sleep on the couch for a week if I let you take that shift without me. What would ruin my Christmas would be eating Christmas dinner alone at McDonalds when Katherine kicks me out of the house for not bringing you home with me.” Bobby shrugs. “So you see, you have no choice.”

“I guess not.” You feel a warm glow of affection spreading in your chest as you pretend to scoff, “Well I guess we can’t have that.”

“No, not at all.” He continues to look out the dismal weather, scanning the increasingly cold and wet crowd that is still patiently waiting for Homeland Security to clear the Auditorium. You know that this assignment is kind of a big deal, but you wish the honor had been bestowed on someone else this time. Your stomach grumbles loudly. You hope your hunger isn’t enough to wake your unborn child and send “the kid” as you’ve started calling him or her into another flurry of acrobatics. You are always hungry these days, and tired. Yawning into your mittened fist, you wonder where the department’s stupid rookie intern has gone so you can send him off to get you a snack!

The Kid is part of what has been ruining your sleep lately. It is just your luck that you are sure your kid is going to be a drummer, or a gymnast, or a kick-boxer! Just over two weeks ago you awoke in the middle of the night with a gasp and a start, feeling your kid move for the first time. Your OBGYN nurse told you to expect to start feeling your baby move, and all of the things you read about that said to expect feel first movements like tiny bubbles or tickles inside your belly, but nothing prepared you for this! It was like someone was using your bladder as a trampoline! Your jolt to consciousness awakened Holly, who quickly went from worried, to completely enchanted as you moved her hand to feel the pitter patter of little feet kicking against your abdomen wall. By five in the morning the novelty of it all had definitely worn off. To make matters worse, you can tell that Holly finds your grumpy, sleep deprived, slightly rumpled state due to this development completely adorable! Geesh! You shift your weight from one frozen foot to the other, crossing your arms with a soft huff, and a tiny smile at the thought. It’s weird, but you miss her, no matter how annoying she can be sometimes. 

Bobby looks at you sideways with a smirk of his own, “She’s coming home tomorrow, right?”

“What? Who?” You say a little too aggressively, startled by his question. 

Bobby starts to laugh at you. Laugh! At you! Laugh! You give him the look of death, which only makes him laugh harder. You scowl at him and huff louder.

“Come on Peck! Don’t give me that! I know you miss her.” He says smugly. 

You sigh and close your eyes, because you do. It’s ridiculous, but you do. Bobby nudges you jovially with his shoulder. The barbed comment sticks in your throat as you turn to see pure affection glowing in his eyes. You open your mouth but no words come out.

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Your shift was almost over when the kid began to poke you in the ribs, and proceeded to have a dance party on your kidneys. You are thrilled, really you are, that your child seems to be healthy and strong. You only wish she wouldn’t decide to wake up the minute you sit down or try to go to sleep. You are so exhausted you even turned down Bobby’s invitation to come eat meatloaf with his family in favor of going home to Chinese leftovers and a cold bed. You haven’t heard from Holly all day, and as much as you hate to admit it, that’s making you grumpy too.

The hot water running over your body and thick steamy air almost lull you to sleep on your feet in the shower when you hear the bathroom door open and a cool breeze snap you back to being full alert. You know your shower brush won’t be an affective weapon against an intruder, but it’s all you got so you reach for it anyway. The curtain opens and Holly slips in beside you, pulling you into her arms and into a kiss that makes you forget how tired you are. She’s not supposed to be back until tomorrow evening! 

“Holly!” You stutter against her lips, “What are you doing here?”

“I missed you.” She practically purrs into your lips. “Hello Baby!” and then sliding down to crouch in front of you, her hands resting gently on your swollen belly “Hello baby!” She kisses that too.

“Holly!” You whine as her lips inch lower, making you forget how to breathe properly.

She looks up at you with a mischievous grin, “When you thought I was an intruder, what were you going to do, scrub me to death?”

“Maybe…” You blush as you realize you are still gripping your scrub brush like a weapon. “I’m glad you’re not though.” You say with a little laugh.

“Mmmm… me too.” She stands up, taking you into her arms again. “I’m sorry if I freaked you out.”

“I’m glad you’re here!” You sigh, leaning in to kiss her again.

“Mmm Humm…” She hums as she presses her body into yours, pushing your back up against the cool tiled wall. “You are so beautiful!”

All you can do is gasp as her hand runs a neat trajectory down your side to find it’s way between you. She chuckles softly at your immediate response as every drop of longing and missing her pools between your legs. She strokes you gently at first, watching you closely as you lick your lips and feel your knees begin to buckle.

“I want you,” She whispers, “I have been fantasizing about touching you for days.”

Her admission sends you rocketing toward the edge, setting you on fire, even though she has barely touched you yet.

“Oh really.” You manage, before her fingers probe deeper, making you shutter and cling to her. She holds you steady you as you cum suddenly, and then grins and laughs as you snort and sputter the water you inhaled out of your sinuses.

“Come on!” She says with a cocky grin, “Let’s get you to bed before you drowned.”

With any of your previous lovers you would have found a biting, defensive comeback. But with Holly, you simply let her turn off the water and wrap you in a towel, happy that she’s here, happy to follow her compliantly off to bed.


	15. The Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail receives an unexpected call from Chris on New Years Eve

 

The call, when it came, was not what you were expecting, or who you were expecting it to come from. You were napping on your couch, cozily wrapped in an old patchwork quilt that had been your Grandmother’s, enjoying your first full day off in about ten days. It’s New Year’s Day, and you had expected to hear some overly cheerful, sappy New Years greeting, but surely not this!

 “What the fuck Gail!” Chris starts in angrily the minute you pick up the phone.

 “Excuse me?” You say calmly, wondering what has gotten into that boy. “Happy New Year to you too Chris.”

 “Uh… yeah… right… Happy New Year to you, Gail. What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He continues heatedly. “I know that you left under less than ideal circumstances, but come on! How long were you going to keep this up? How long were you going to keep lying to us? To Collins? It is his, right?”

  _Shit! He knows!_ His words hit you like an electric jolt. You feel yourself flush as your heart starts to race.

 “Why is this any of your business, Chris?” You manage to say as coolly as possible while trying to get yourself back under control.

 “You’re right. I guess it’s not.” He huffs angrily, “I mean, it’s not like you actually care about anybody else’s feelings.”

 “Just what’s that supposed to mean?” You shoot back at him. You wait a minute for him to respond, “Chris?! Just what did you mean by that??!”

 “Come on Gail, you were always kind of cold, even when we were together. It’s not like you ever let anyone in.” He replies, “But I thought that we were, at least, friends.”

 “Yeah. Thanks Chris. You’ve always been so… understanding.” You interrupt, allowing all of your annoyance to creep into your voice.

 You remember, this is the guy who dumped you because you made friends with Dov, who he had wanted you to make friends with in the first place, and then freaked out at you because Dov developed feeling for you. Like that was your fault! And now he keeps moping around about not being with you anymore, because you got back together with Nick, because he dumped you. _Loser! Ugh! Boys!_ You are so glad that you are done with them all!

 “So… Where is Nick?” You keep your voice deadly calm, “Have you seen him? Has anyone heard from him, in… oh… uh… six months or so?”

 “That’s not fair Gail.” Chris says softly, “You know where he is as well as I do. Probably better. You could have gotten word to him through channels.”

 “Through my family? I assume that’s what you mean.” You answer coldly.

 “Well.. Uh… yeah.” He says.

 “Great. That’s just great.” You get up from your couch and begin to pace. “You know, why is it that you guys always think that I’m the one being unfair to you..”

 “Gail…” His voice is softer now, trying to appease you.

 “No, really.” You feel the wave of anger and disappointment building, helpless to stop the flow of words that come tumbling from your mouth, “ Really. What part of you were the guy who was in charge of Booking, who was so wrapped up in his own personal drama that he wasn’t paying attention and lost control, who put two perps from the same fight in the same cage without bothering to once searching either one of them, who then got off without a single scratch to his service record, what part of that is unfair to you? What part of my taking off time after you were stabbed to take care of you was cold and unfeeling? Unfair Chris? Unfair? Really? Wow.”

 You stand in the middle of your apartment listening to him breathing into the phone.

 “Gail… I…” He starts again.

 “No. Look, I know that you’re still pissed off about Denise. And ya know Chris, I would be too, but don’t you dare take that disaster out on me. I’m not her. This is totally different.”

 “Is it Gail?” He asks bluntly.

 “Yeah, it kinda is.” You can’t believe how much of a dick Chris is being right now. “So, who else knows, and how did you find out?”

 “Well, Steve was showing us pictures from his trip to Boston last night, when Chloe looked at the one of the two of you standing at a bar and kind of blurted it out. I mean it’s kind of obvious if you are thinking about it.” He tells you.

  _Of course she did._

 “Great.” You sigh, “So that means everybody.”

 “Yeah, pretty much.” Chris confirms.

 “Lovely.” You groan.

 This isn’t how you had hoped Nick would find out about this. You had hoped to be able to tell him yourself, but you know that gossip travels faster than you will ever be able to reach him. You wonder how Steve is reacting and why he hasn’t called. You wonder how long it will take for your mother to try to reinsert herself back into your business. 

“And Steve? What did Steve say?” You can’t help asking 

“Not much. He’s your brother, why don’t you ask him?” Chris shoots back at you, and then sounding somewhat apologetic, “I’m sorry Gail… I didn’t mean… He seemed kinda shocked, but Traci calmed him down considerably. How did you think he was going to react? It’s funny, though, Traci didn’t seem surprised at all now that I think about it…”

 

* * *

 

 

You can’t remember a better New Year’s Eve, even if you were working. Bobby got the two of you a special shift with the Boston PD creating an increased police presence at Boston’s First Night festivities. Begrudgingly, you have to admit, it wasn’t so bad, in fact it was kind of fun. It seems that Bobby is always finding ways to pick up extra special assignments for the two of you. _If only your mother could see you now!_ You know that it’s exactly the kind of thing you resented her for pushing you to do with the TOPD, but with Bobby you don’t mind. It’s not like anybody here is going to complain when Bobby gets you some cherry assignment. And no one here cares that you are a Peck, and therefore assumes that you had it, and every other thing handed to you on a silver platter. With Bobby you are grateful for the opportunity to prove yourself, and for the Special Duties bump in your paycheck. 

Holly was on call through the holidays too, being the newest member of the forensics team, and working almost as many hours as you did. She dropped you off at home this morning on her way into the morgue, after her work phone woke you just before six, because, as she says, suspicious death waits for no one. Last night, Holly and Katherine, and Bobby’s youngest daughter Theresa, had been enjoying the concerts, and the ice sculptures, and the parade at First Night as well. Just before midnight, they picked up hot chocolate and warm cider doughnuts, and met you on the Boston Common where you were helping with crowd control, just in time to watch the fireworks. As the first firework blossomed in the sky you felt Holly slip her hand into yours. Bobby smiled and winked at you and nudged his wife conspicuously, watching the shy grin that formed on your lips as Holly dropped her head onto your shoulder. When it was done, you and Bobby escorted your girls down to the Frog Pond where they put on their skates and joined the other celebrants on the ice until the rink closed at one and your shift was over. To top off the night, somehow Holly got all of you to come back to her place for a post midnight celebration. You’re still not sure how it happened, but you suspect it was the cake. After all who were you or Bobby to deny Holly’s family tradition of eating her grandmother’s special New Years cake before bed on New Year’s Eve for a sweet and prosperous year? When Holly brought out the decadent looking chocolate gateau, frosted with ganache, and covered with raspberries and tiny flecks of edible gold leaf from her pantry, you almost asked her to marry you right there! 

_Why does everything always have to go to shit right when you think you can finally be happy?_ You are still sitting at your kitchen table, staring out of the window at the last warm rays of the winter sun over the river, over your silent phone, and over the same glass of water you poured yourself when you sat down after Chris’s call. Holly’s key jingles in your lock announcing her arrival.

“Gail?” She calls to you as you hear her removing her coat and her boots, “Why are you sitting here in the dark? Is everything alright?” 

You sigh and close your eyes with a scowl. Your mind has been racing for hours and you have no idea where to begin. 

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Cool hands caress your arms as she leans down to kiss the top of your head. 

“Chris called.” You state bleakly, “He knows.” 

“Knows?” She inquires, moving slowly to sit by you, her hands never leaving the skin of your arms. 

“About me. About the kid.” You can’t bring yourself to look at her. 

“O-Kay…” She replies cautiously, “What happened? Did Steve…?” 

“No. Well… Steve was showing pictures from my birthday around at The Penny last night, and Chloe figured it out, and just blurted it out to everyone. Because that’s what that freaky little Disney cartoon princess does!” You state glumly. 

“Oh.” She says quietly, squeezing your forearm gently with her hand. 

You sit there for a moment, listening to the ticking of the clock on your kitchen wall and the silence growing louder every second you don’t say something. You still can’t bear to look at her, so you close your eyes and take a deep breath. 

“I don’t know what to do.” You admit quietly, “I mean I wanted to be able to tell Nick myself and decide what I, or we are going to do with this kid before everybody else interferes.”  

Holly remains silent, and you know she knows you mean your mother when you say everybody. You wonder why you haven’t heard from her yet, expecting any minute now for your phone to ring, and all hell to break loose. But somehow the silence is worse. 

“What are you going to do with your baby?” Holly asks quietly, “I mean I always assumed you were going to keep it, but now you think you might not want to…?”

 “I don’t know Holly.” You turn to look at her, “I mean, this may sound funny, but I want to be fair to Nick. And if I keep her, it’s a lot to ask from you. And well, I mean, I haven’t really thought too much about it, until now. But I know whatever I do I want it to be the thing that gives her the best life possible.” 

“I know that.” Her hands find your face, her thumbs stroking your cheeks soothingly, “But I also knew what I was getting myself into when I found out you were pregnant and I decided to stay.” 

You lean into the palm of her hand, finding solace in her touch. 

“Her, huh.” She hums at you. 

“Yeah. Her. Maybe. I don’t know Holly, but it would be nice to have a girl.” You smile wistfully. 

“Huh.” She kisses your forehead with soft lips and then leans in so your foreheads are barely touching. 

“I love you, and I will support you whatever you decide.” She says finally, “I never thought much about having kids, but I would love to be a part of this one’s life in whatever capacity you want me to be.” 

“Thank you.” You whisper, turning your head to kiss the palm of her hand, feeling as if you set down a great weight you didn’t even realize you were carrying.

 

* * *

   

The silence at the station is thick and heavy as you come out of the locker room and set your coffee on your desk. 

“What!” You demand with a scowl, as you feel every eye in the place upon you. 

Its still early, and Bobby isn’t even here yet. Your shift doesn’t start for another half an hour, but you came in just after your prenatal yoga class in hopes of getting a jump on some leftover end of the year paperwork before the week begins. 

“Peck! A moment of your time please!” Captain Yoshida, your boss, steps from his office and beckons to you. There is a sinking feeling that starts in your chest and settles in the pit of your stomach. You would wonder what he wants, but you are afraid you already know. The thing you don’t expect is the woman who rises from her seat as you enter his office. It’s been a while since you’ve spoken, and longer since you’ve laid eyes on her. She seems smaller than you remember, but no less fierce. She tugs at the bottom of her crisp blue uniform jacket as she turns to rake you over with her eyes. 

“Hello Mother.” You try to keep your voice as neutral as possible. 

“Well,” She begins, looking you coldly up and down again, “I can see that the rumors are true.” 

“What are you doing here?” You ask her flatly, all the while trying to calm the panic that has taken flight in your chest. _What is she doing here? It’s not like her to show up anywhere in person, unless…”_

Her tone is pleasant enough, but you can already feel the cut from the knives under the velvet as she smiles at you without warmth, “Can’t a mother be concerned about her only daughter?” 

“A mother can.” You agree, crossing your arms and lifting a sardonic eyebrow, “But as you can see, I’m fine.” 

Before she can answer Captain Yoshida clears his throat, “Peck, why don’t you take the morning to give your mother, the visiting Police Superintendant, a tour of our facilities.” 

“Yes Sir!” You say smartly standing at attention. 

“Very good!” He smiles warmly at you. “And please have her back here by eleven thirty, as we will be meeting several members of the faculty for lunch, who will be giving her a tour of our cyber crimes program and the Forensics laboratories this afternoon.” 

“Thank you Norio.” Your mother cuts you off, leaving you with your mouth hanging open as she turns her smile on him. 

_Awesome. That’s not embarrassing at all._ You close it quickly and school your expression to be as neutral as possible. 

“Our pleasure Elaine! Anything we can do to assist law enforcement agencies improve their facilities and departments.” He smiles back at her, “And by the way, I want you to know that Gail is a highly valued member of our team. We feel fortunate to have her.” 

You feel the heat rising to the tips of what you are sure are now your very red ears at his praise. 

“That’s very kind.” She replies. 

“No. Really.” You watch his eyes narrow slightly, but his smile never dims, it simply loses some of its warmth. 

“Thank you Sir.” You smile at him. 

“Very Good!” He says again crisply, “O’Brien will be meeting you outside with a car in ten.” 

_Bobby will be joining you! There is a God!_  

“I’m leaving you in very capable hands. I know your daughter and her partner will be able to answer any questions about our program you may have. Have a good tour and I will see you both at lunch.” Captain Yoshida stands up to shake her hand, ushering you from his office.

 She turns on her heal striding back out the door into the station. 

“Gail? Are you coming?” You hear her call from across the room. 

You groan inwardly as you continue to compose yourself carefully. You have no intention of discussing the details of your pregnancy with her until you’ve at least had a chance to talk with Nick. You sigh. It’s going to be a fucking long day.


	16. Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail and Bobby take Elaine for a tour and then to a lunch presentation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your reviews ans comments! They keep me going!

The best thing about days like this was always the quiet, that and the way that riding around the city in it made you feel special, like a superhero – not that you would ever admit that to anyone now. When You were a little girl you remember looking forward to snowy days, not because you got to stay at home like your other classmates, but because you knew you would get to spend the day cruising around the city with your Dad, or one of your many “aunts” or “uncles” on the force, heat blasting, as the snow drove everyone but you indoors. You would sit and wait as the officers would stop to help people stranded by the storm, or sometimes they would let you hit the siren, bouncing with excitement in your seat as they rushed to the scene of an accident, or fire, or another call. Sometimes you were even allowed to answer the dispatch on the radio, like a real, grown-up cop! By the time you were six, you knew every street, every code and every bit of police lingo by heart. The absolutely best thing about snow days though, was coming back to the station and sitting on the high counter top in booking, or at your father’s desk in the Sergeant’s office with a doughnut and a cup of hot coco, and having your mother come in to ask questions about your day. You can still feel the warm glow that starts in your chest, at the bittersweet memory of the beaming smile, and the way your mother’s eyes would shine with pride as you answered each question in detail about every call and every incident you attended that day. You can’t remember exactly when it changed, sometime between your ninth and tenth birthdays, but it did, it all changed, when your mother became critical of everything you were and everything you did, when your father became distant and distracted, when nothing you did was ever good enough, when your childhood ended and the serious business of learning how to be a proper Peck began.

* * *

 

The snow has begun again, thicker than before, muffling the sounds of the street, causing the tall buildings to take on a dreamy quality that only adds to the unreality of your day. The back seat of the car is cozy and warm, and the murmur of the windshield wipers along with the muffled conversation from the front seat makes you sleepy and listless. Granted, you are always tired these days. You know you should be on high alert with your mother in the front with Bobby, but all you want to do is curl up into the plush leather seats in the cave of the back of the Town Car and disappear. Even the kid is quiet today, prodding you with the occasional stretch or kick, but not performing her usual acrobatics. Your mother hasn’t turned around or acknowledged you once since this ride began. Listening to her cheerfully interrogate Bobby about the highlights of his career, you wonder how long this will last.

Bobby has just put the car in park in front of One Kendal Square when your mother finally turns her attention to you with a backhanded complement about your hair cut. You know you must look as awkward as you feel, but she turns her attention back to Bobby before you can say a word. You hate it when she does that. You always have. Bobby turns to raise his eyebrows at you but says nothing.

You clamor out of the car and follow them through the revolving glass doors and up the elevator to the offices of the cyber lab. You realize with a sudden shock to your solar plexus, as you follow closely behind, that for once in her life your mother may not know what to say to you. You are sure this won’t last, and you brace yourself for what will inevitably come when she does. Lost in your thoughts you barely register the question the young man standing before you asks as he leads you into the lab.

“I’m sorry. What did you want?” You scowl at the nerd as both Bobby and your mother turn to look at you.

“Cyber stalking.” The man repeats, “That’s why you’re here, right?”

“Uh, sure.” You shrug, “That and tracking the movements of international criminal activity through online transactions.” You reply lifting an eyebrow at him, trying to act nonchalant with your mother’s eyes boring into the side of your face. “You know… all things cyber crime, and bringing law enforcement into this century.”

You gesture impatiently at him. He smiles at you then. _Nerds. They seem to get you. Who knew?_

“Sure,” He says, bowing ironically at you, “follow me.”

With a sweeping hand gesture of his own, he leads the way into a small, dark room with several people sitting in front of large monitors.You stand back and watch as she questions them carefully, you see the dangerous smile, the one that is supposed to put them at ease, but puts you on edge. You see the tension in her body, the way she tilts her head to give the impression she’s listening, and realize for the first time that she’s getting older. You watch her struggling to understand the new innovations in technology. Your mother has always been larger than life, and now, it comes as a shock, maybe because of your own impending motherhood, that you see her as more human.

The ride back to the station is quiet, with your mother looking over the ream of paperwork and notes she’s taken on her tour. You can tell she is preparing herself, strategizing her best plan of attack, getting all of her facts in order before you go to lunch, so by the time she arrives she can go toe to toe with any expert in the field. Its something you’ve watched her do your whole life. It’s the reason why you have a photographic memory and the ability to pick up random facts and languages so quickly, needing to be prepared with the correct answer if she ever turns the brilliant gaze of her attention to you.

Back at the station, you manage to sneak back to your desk and are hoping to avoid the official lunch with your mother and your boss, as well as high-ranking officials from the cities of Boston and Cambridge, but you have no such luck. The station is quiet, with the usual shuffle of officers coming and going, but little else. You look up from your paperwork to find her standing there, watching you with her eyebrows slightly arched, and a small ironic smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

“Your father says to tell you he’s sorry he couldn’t get away to come see you this trip.” She begins in a softer voice than you expect.

“Oh really.” You reply, not quite knowing what to say, so you stay quiet.

“You know Gail, I’m not your enemy.” She says, and you realize that she is making an effort.

“We don’t have to do this, you know.” You shrug without getting up.

“I know that Gail.” You see the sadness in her smile, “But I am your mother and I love you in spite of what you might think.”

You sit in silence for a moment, clenching your jaw against the sudden prickle of tears behind your eyes and the biting comment on your tongue. You know she’s watching you, waiting for you to break, waiting for you to say something, most likely something incriminating. Finally she sighs and begins to turn to go. And you do break, she’s your mother after all, and you can’t seem to help yourself.

“What are you really doing here, Elaine? And why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” You call after her retreating form.

That stops her. She crisply turns to look squarely at you with her hard blue eyes.

“I wish you wouldn’t call me that.” She smiles sadly again and her eyes soften slightly. “Had told you about this trip, would you really be here? Or would you have found an excuse to hide from me.”

You feel yourself flush with something like shame as her words find their intended target. “No, probably not.” You reply finding it hard to hold her gaze, determined not to let it show that she makes you feel like you are about twelve years old.

“Your father and I love you, you know. We are not your enemy. We do, and will always only want what’s best for you.” She says crossing her arms.

You shrug, not wanting to make a scene in the middle of your new job. You know you’ve screwed things up, again. She stands there, arms crossed, leaning on the spike heel of her boot, just watching you for a moment, waiting for you to respond.

“Oh good! I was hoping to find you here!” Captain Yoshida interrupts.

_Thank Goodness!_

“Thank You Norio! My daughter and I were just taking a moment to catch up.” She turns to smile at him. “Shall we go?”

You don’t move as they turn to walk away.

“Come on Gail! Hurry up! We don’t want to keep people waiting.” She turns back to smile dangerously at you again.

* * *

 

 

The last thing you expect when you enter the private dining room at the back of Legal Seafoods is to see Holly standing by the bar with her boss. She turns to smile at you, but you can tell how uncomfortable she is by the way she unconsciously readjusts her glasses. _Nerd._ Your mother has hooked your arm in a vice grip and is parading you around with her, as your boss guides her around the room. Being the consummate politician, she has done her homework as always, and seems to know, and comment on, some impressive fact about each and every person she is introduced to. As you reach the small cluster of forensic scientists you see her gaze rest on Holly for a moment longer than absolutely necessary. Holly’s face gives nothing away, but you feel the heat begin to rise from your collar anyway.

“Dr. Allan Grahm! Such an honor and a pleasure to finally meet you!” Your mother extends her hand to Holly’s boss, before Capt. Yoshida has the chance to introduce them formally, “Our chief Medical Examiner, Dr. Ross has spoken so highly of you and your department.”

“The pleasure is all mine, Superintendant!” He takes her hand, smiling warmly at her. “Please, call me Allan.”

“Then you must call me Elaine.” She replies, turning up the charm.

“Elaine then.” He concurs, and then turning to Holly, and to the other member of his team you know vaguely as Richard, he introduces them, “Dr. Richard Poole and Dr. Holly Stewart, Toronto Superintendant of Police, Elaine Peck.”

“A pleasure.” She practically purrs at them, “Dr. Poole, the paper you published last month on the advanced retrieval finger prints from previously unsuitable surfaces was quite remarkable!”

You notice as he blushes and thanks her, but your focus is on Holly, who you can tell is trying hard not to fidget.

“And Dr. Stewart, I’ve heard so much about you!” She continues, her smile growing wider. “I understand you are about to publish your second, no, your third book on autopsy and crime scene analysis. Impressive.”

“Thank you.” Holly says evenly.

“And of course you know my daughter, Gail.” She indicates at you with her hand.

“Yes, of course.” Holly replies neutrally, “Gail and I have become friends.”

“Good. Good.” She reaches out to pat Holly’s arm. “It’s so nice to see her spending time with somebody who has such a promising future and inspiring career path.”

_What the hell?_ You’re not sure where this is going, but you are sure you won’t like it.

“Thank you Mother.” You say, rolling your eyes.

“It won’t be long now Gail. When you’re a mother you’ll understand.” She looking you up and down with a flicker of her eyes, and then turning her attention back to Holly, “Gail and I will be meeting for dinner at the station when her shift ends at six, would you care to join us Dr. Stewart? If you have no other plans for this evening, that is.”

This is news to you, but you’re not surprised that your mother has ambushed you in this way. You need to call Steve to find out just how much she knows about your relationship with Holly, not that you’re hiding it, but it’s good to be prepared. In fact, you would still like to know why she’s here in the first place.

“I will have to check my schedule once I return to the lab, but I believe I’m free. Thank you Ma’am, I’d love to.” Holly replies with a somewhat forced smile.

“Good.” She smiles back in that calculating way you’ve seen her do all of your life before she goes in for the kill and nails the perp to the wall.

You feel your gut clench and your palms begin to sweat.

“In the meanwhile,” She continues, “I can’t wait to see what you and the rest of your team have prepared for us!”

“I am always excited when law enforcement organizations can implement our research and interface with new technology to increase the accuracy and efficiency of their forensic sciences departments!” Holly smiles back at her. “It looks like Dr. Grahm wants to get started, so why don’t you find seats at the table and I will see you later.” She says with a cocky grin, giving her boss a small thumbs up.

In spite of your mother’s presence, you can’t help feeling a warm glow of pride and affection as you watch Holly swagger across the room to where her boss is waiting with an open laptop.

“So this is the friend you brought to Jonathan’s daughter’s wedding.” Your mother purrs into your ear as she shepherds you into a seat next to her at the table before you can escape, “I’m glad to see the caliber of people you are spending your time with has improved at least.”

You sigh and don’t respond as Holly steps up to a podium at the front of the room and begins to speak.


	17. Memory lane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all of you who are still reading this! It has been a crazy few months, I have a new pt job on top of my regular work, plus a series of family emergencies ranging from needing too find a new personal care assistant for my disabled friend, to dealing with a sudden death in the family. I will try to update more often, but I make no promises at this time.
> 
> i hope this chapter isn't too disjointed. I've been writing in between every thing else.s
> 
> Once again I love hearing from you! All of your reviews, comments, pms, tweets, etc... Keep me going!

The soft light from the city below illuminates the silhouette of your girlfriend sitting in the window of her loft in nothing but her old light blue hoodie and a faded pair of dark red cotton boy shorts. You can tell by her reflection that her eyes are still closed as you put down your go bag and take off your boots. Her hair is down in a wild cascade that falls in her face and tumbles over her shoulders, catching the yellow glow from the street lamps, errant strands waving gently in the warm draft from the radiator below her ledge. You told her that you'ld be late, not to wait up for you, but you can't help the warm glow that begins spreading in your chest at the sight of her. She looks so tired, her glasses dangling carelessly from her fingertips, you don't want to disturb her, but you can't see to help yourself. You glide across the polished wood floor on silent wool sock clad feet to press your face into her side. She sighs and wraps an arm around you, pulling you closer. You nuzzle her torso gently, breathing in the comfort of her scent as you feel the kid shift and stretch inside of you. The kid hasn't let you get much sleep these past few nights you've spent in your own bed alone, and you hope she won't keep you up all night again with her acrobatics. You groan softly and shift, trying to get her foot, or hand or head off your bladder.

You haven't had much, if any time alone with Holly since your mother blew into town at the beginning of the week and the stress from it is beginning to affect both of you. You drove Elaine to the airport this morning, having forged an uneasy truce you hope will last. Her trip was nothing, if not educational for you both. She kept insisting you should return to Toronto to have the baby, that you should move back in with your parents, at least for now, that you can't possibly raise her first grandchild properly on your own, and that worries you. Having Elaine try to exert control over raising your child is the very last thing you intend to allow to happen.

It's funny, she seemed almost relieved when you explained your relationship with Nick was over, and that you won't be marrying him. However much your mother has wanted to marry you off, she has always hated Nick. In-fact, none of the young men you dated ever seemed to live up to her standards. And now she has resigned herself to believing you will be a single mom without the possibility of attracting a suitable mate any time soon. She couldn't seem to hear that you are seeing someone new, that you like your new job, that you wouldn't be going anywhere if you have your way. You tried to tell her about you and Holly all week, but somehow the conversation always came back to your present condition and what to do about Nick, and how lucky you are to have made friends like Bobby and his family, and Holly, if you don't screw it up. Although you know she would never interfere with Nick's undercover assignment, you hope she keeps her promise and lets you tell him about his child yourself whenever he returns. You know just how ruthless she can be about "achieving her goals", as she likes to say, and how she has been known to strategically, "accidentally", let things slip in what always begins as a seemingly innocent conversation.

"Hey." You murmur softly, as your hands secret their way under the edge of Holly's hoodie and come to span across the smooth expanse of her back.

"Mmmmm..." She sighs, leaning in closer until her chin is resting on the top of your head with your face pressed into her chest. "You're home late." She mutters into your hair as she kisses the top of your head. "Is your Mom gone?"

"Uh huh, Bobby and I dropped her off at the Airport this morning to catch the eleven o'clock back to Toronto." You sag further into the comfort of her arms before The Kid gives you a sharp jab in the side causing you to gasp and shift.

"Well somebody's awake!" Holly laughs softly, sitting up and pulling you to stand between her legs.

"Don't I know it!" You grumble, butting Holly gently in the stomach with your head, while reaching down to attempt to sooth the squirming under your taught skin.

Holly slides from her perch to stand in front of you , cupping your face gently in her fingertips before leaning in to capture your lips with her own, the soft contact sending shockwaves of pleasure coursing through you.

Damn hormones!

"I've missed you." She murmurs into your lips, before kissing you again, sliding her tongue into your mouth, tasting, teasing.

You grope helplessly at the collar of her hoodie your knees suddenly threatening to give way, hands fisting in the soft material in a vein attempt to steady yourself as she sets your world on fire.

"Take me to bed!" , the words come roughly, insistent, in a horse whisper you barely recognize as your own voice.

"So demanding!" She teases, as her hands play with the buttons on your shirt.

"Holly!", You whine at her.

She laughs quietly at you with a knowing smirk, none the less taking you by the hand and leading you up the stairs to the large, dark, four-poster at the top. She removes your shirt without bothering to unbutton it entirely. As you sit on the edge of the bed, allowing her access to undo your pants, the kid starts spinning in a flurry of excitement causing you to close your eyes with a grimace, squirm uncomfortably, and freeze as the kid kicks you again. Just great! Thanks kid! Way to kill the mood.

Suddenly, Holly is sitting beside you, arms wrapped protectively around you, her warm comforting hands on your belly, next to your own. You feel your tears embarrassingly bubbling up from your chest, as the frustration of this moment brings all the stress of the past week crashing down on you.

"Shhh, baby... It's ok... I got you." Holly whispers in your ear, "What do you need?" She strokes your hard belly gently, magically soothing the kid, and sending shivers of pleasure up your spine.

"I just... I just need a minute. And you." You find yourself admitting. You blush, suddenly bashful, and swallow hard against the vulnerability you are feeling, unable to open your eyes to face her.

"You have me." She whispers, kissing your neck and pulling your back flush against her bare breasts.

Her gentle teeth find the sensitive shell of your ear as a hand roams up your torso to cradle your breast, rolling a stiff nipple between electric fingers causing your whole body to hum and judder.

"Fuck! Holly!" You groan, twisting, trying to catch her mouth with yours.

"Now, let's see if we can't put the kid to sleep for a while." You can hear the smirk in her voice again at your body's reaction. So fucking smug. A smirk you would have once wiped off her face by rolling her over and pinning her to the bed and turning the tables on her. But you need this. And you realize with a sigh that Holly is the only person you have ever trusted enough to surrender yourself to, as you melt into her.

With one arm still cradling your belly, she pushes her other hand down into your pants, reigniting the embers left smoldering there. You moan and gasp at the contact, your hips thrusting instinctively forward against her fingers with a mind of their own. You stop and take a moment to help her peal your pants from your hips to allow her more access, before losing yourself again in her touch. Hooking one of your legs with hers, she pulls you over to sprawl on top of her, moaning softly in your ear at the wet heat she finds, working you up even more. Legs spreading wider, whole body staining for release, you know it won't take long as she enters in to you, leaving you breathless. The sensation of her pelvis pushing hard into your ass, and her hot breath panting in your ear as she enslaves you to her rhythm is what does it, sending you cascading blissfully over the edge, faster, more powerfully than you thought possible.

You can feel her beneath you, trying desperately to calm her breathing and her heart beat, to give you everything, but you know just how turned on she's become. You capture her hand as she brings it up to hold you and push it down between your legs once more.

"Oh really... " She teases, her voice husky, dripping with desire, "Someone's insatiable tonight."

"Mmmmm..." You reply softly, "only for you."

You lace your fingers with hers and push your joined hands deeper, until you find her below you. She gasps and bucks as your joined fingers brush lightly against her, causing you to lean forward and grind yourself into her lap.

"Gail?" She pants, "Gail...What are you doing?"

"Really Holly, you can't tell?" You chuckle, sitting up and widening your legs to straddle her hips while pushing your hand deeper into her.

"Gail... I... Oh!"

You feel her whole body move as you lean forward to enter her. You can feel her thrusting up against you, as her hand begins to move against herself and you push deeper into her at a demanding pace. You can tell she's getting close as her movements become sloppy and spastic, finally coming undone, sitting up to curl around you, holding on. You get up and turn awkwardly around so you could hold her, kissing her with everything you can, needing her to know what words can't say. Rarely in your life have you felt so completely cared for. You cling to her, wanting nothing more than to hold on to this moment, to this feeling.

You hadn't meant to fall asleep, but you wake with a start in the dark, still half in a vivid dream that leaves you sweating and gulping for air, and scrambling for solid ground. It was late October at your grandparents' home by the lake, the house that later became your parents' summer cottage. The air was crisp, the leaves were a bonfire of bright colors against the impossibly blue sky and the steel gray lake as your five year old self happily watched blue and purple dragonflies dance across the surface of the water. You feel the tears on your face and that hollow ache of betrayal like it only just happened. Steve throwing you off the dock fully clothed into deep water. You never actually saw your assailant, but you know who it was at the moment of shock when you were you were grabbed from behind, your feet swept out from under you. You remember your flight through the air, a vivid snapshot before hitting the freezing water, followed by panic as you realized the bottom of the lake was miles away. You could swim by yourself for as long as you could remember, but that was nothing like being taken so fully by surprise, sucking in icy water as you gasped in shock, your feet kicking uselessly in their sneakers, and being weighed down by your jeans and the brand new Tinkerbell hoodie your Gran gave you for your first day of Kindergarten. After what seemed like an eternity you came sputtering to the surface, fighting your way back to the dock, falling sick and shaking upon dry land, and finally stumbling back to the house. You remember your father making you wait outside, standing on the big front porch, teeth chattering against the cold air as he went to find your mother to get you a towel. You remember the look of disappointment on their faces at your failure, for being careless, for letting yourself be taken off guard. You remember your mother's angry lecture, and worse, your father's silence that lasted the rest of the weekend. You remember Steve's pale, frightened face peeking out of his room at you, but nothing bad happened to him. Nothing ever did. It was always your fault. You cried yourself to sleep then, just as you cried yourself awake now, knowing if you had paid more attention, if you had screwed up, you wouldn't have lost your position on the TOPD, if only you hadn't been so careless, Jerry would still be alive today.

Your head is still spinning, clouded with sleep and memory, and realizing you can't breathe, and trying to roll away from the painful stabbing in your gut.

"Hey." Holly's voice is thick with sleep and soft with concern.

You moan and clutch your swollen, aching belly with one hand while trying to find purchase on the bed to stop the room from spinning.

"Gail? Honey?" Her hands are soft on your face.

You push yourself upright and lurch past her, barely making it to the bathroom in time. You remember your senior year of high school buckling under the weight of your mother's scrutiny, to the point where you were sick several times a week. It's been a while, but you remember this feeling. You used to stave it off with alcohol, and one night stands, and junk food, and reckless behavior, but now you can't. Doesn't it just figure that you feel worse now that she's gone. Shit.

"Gail?" Holly's voice comes through the bathroom door laced with concern.

"Yeah... Uh... Just a sec..." You call back. You haul yourself up and begin to search her cabinets frantically for cleaning supplies. It's not that you've made a mess, but from as far back as you can remember, the one hard and fast rule after getting sick was to clean the entire bathroom before you could do anything else. It embarrasses you that all you can find is tampons, toilet paper and one extra bottle of hand soap.

"Honey?" Holly's voice calls again "You've been in there for almost an hour. Are you ok? Please open the door."

It's the tremor in her voice that does it, and the memory of the last time you disappeared into the bathroom and cut off all your hair. You stumble forward and open the door, shutting it quickly behind you.

"Sorry." You mumble, "I, uh, I wouldn't go in there right now if I was you."

"It's ok Baby." She murmurs, pulling you into a warm embrace.

You hick-up softly as the tears begin to come. "I'm so sorry Hol..." Is all you can say.

"Shhhhh..." She strokes your back gently, "Don't worry. I'll take care of it. Why don't you go back to bed?" She takes your hand, and tucks you in once she has you settled on a mountain of soft pillows.

She's back more quickly than you would have thought possible, sliding carefully between the covers so as not to disturb you. You can hardly believe that she's not mad at you.

"Hey, thanks for not hating me." You whisper as you reach out to her. "I'm sorry I couldn't find your cleaning stuff."

"Gail, " She says firmly, "What are you worried about. You didn't make a mess, and even if you did..."

"Germs, Holly, germs!" You insist, "you're a doctor! I got sick in your bathroom and I didn't clean up my germs!"

"Ooo-kay..." She snuggles into you, holding you close, one hand pressed gently, comforting against the kid in your belly.

"What?!" You counter. "If I ever did that at home, I'd be in so much trouble!"

"Honestly, Hun, I think your sleep is more important right now." She kisses you softly on the forehead, "when do you have to work tomorrow?"

"I don't. I'm off until Tuesday." You say sleepily.

"Maybe I'll take Monday off too, spend some time with my favorite blonde." She nuzzles your neck sleepily.

"You would do that?" You ask, surprised by the flood of gratitude you are feeling.

"I guess so." She yawns, but you can still hear the smirk in her voice.

You feel her breath become even and her hand on your belly go slack. You aren't sure how long you lye in the darkness listening to the calming sound of her breath, but you know that you will never want to be anywhere else.


	18. Friday the 13th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the Friday before Valentine's Day

You can feel Bobby standing there, looking at you, making the hair on the back of your neck prickle before you even turn around. Back home both Dov and Steve used to do this to you just to make you crazy. They would also try to sneak up on you to see how close they could get before you reacted. You know Bobby isn't messing with you like that, but you still hate it when he does this, and so you are going to make him wait for your attention. The report you are working on is almost done anyway. You can hear him behind you shifting his weight impatiently, and you try not to smirk.

"What do you want Bobby?" You ask without looking up, as you keep typing. "I already told you this will be done by four o'clock."

He laughs at you, and then comments, "I always suspected you have eyes in the back of your head. They'll come in handy once that kid of yours is born.".

You scoff at him and keep typing.

"What are you doing with Holly tomorrow?" He asks trying to sound innocent.

"I donno, maybe Chinese and a movie. Why?"

You start to turn around in your seat to face him when he continues.

"So, you're telling me you don't have anything special planned?" His voice is condescendingly patient.

You freeze as his question hits you in the chest. Damn it!

"What do you mean, Bobby?" You hope to sound casual, but you can already feel your ears turning scarlet, as your blood turns to ice.

Damn you pale skin!

"Come on Gail, don't be coy with me. You do have something planned. Don't you?" He sounds amused until you shrug in response. "Don't you?" He asks more forcefully, spinning you around in your chair to face him.

"What." You say dryly, narrowing your eyes.

"Please tell me you're not going to blow off your first Valentines Day with Holly." He says, starting to look concerned.

You shrug. "Do I look like a sugar coated Disney princess to you? Come on Bobby, it's not even a real holiday. It was created by a greeting card company to make single people feel bad about themselves. But, hey, you know, if you want to pay five times more on that one day a year for dinner out and a dozen dead roses just to prove you're not some kind of desperate loser, be my guest." You roll your eyes.

"Gail..." His voice is weary, "I know you can be stubborn, but you can't be that stupid."

You wrinkle your brow and glare at him. The kid kicks you, again, in the solar plexus this time, making you wince just as you are about to retort. You sigh, maybe you should do something after all.

"Fine. But no stupid hearts, or flowers." You grumble.

"Have you even talked with her about what she might want to do?" Bobby gives you a piercing look.

You shrug. And grunt at him.

"I'll take that as a no." He nudges you.

"Ok Cupid, if you're so smart, what are you doing with Kate?" You reply, allowing the annoyance you are feeling to creep into your voice.

"I'll have you know that I scored us a 7:30 seating at the chef's table at Oleana." He says smugly.

"Shit! Bobby! I don't even want to know what you had to do to get that!" You nod, impressed. "But if you need an alibi, I got your back!"

He just grins smugly at you.

"Ok, ok, I'll think of something." You concede.

Of course you have thought about it. Doing something special for Holly, that know how much she likes it when you surprise her with silly romantic gestures. You're sure she hasn't brought it up because she doesn't want you to feel pressured into anything. You've even been eyeing a turquoise and silver cuff bracelet at a little shop in Harvard Square you know she would like, but you wonder if giving her jewelry would be too much at this stage of your relationship.

You wait to make the call until you are safely alone in your apartment. You aren't sure why, but your heart begins to beat wildly and your palms start to sweat when Holly answers the phone. You try to play it cool, but the flutter of nervous excitement in your chest makes you get up and pace just to ask her to meet you at yours when she gets off work later. You know you're being weird about this, but it's only been four months since you and Holly officially started seeing each other, and somehow it being Valentines Day tomorrow is bringing up all of your old doubts and insecurities. Sure, you've been practically inseparable since your birthday, but what does it all mean?

"Gail," she asks softly, "is everything alright? You sound weird."

Busted! Damn it! Of course she's going to notice that something is off. She always does.

"Uh... Yeah... No... I mean... I'm fine, I'm just in a bit of a rush." You lie.

""Honey, you don't sound fine." She sounds worried, "Are you sure?"

She called you Honey! You don't know why, but the use of that term of endearment always seems to calm and melt you. Every time. You sigh.

"Yeah, yeah, I am." You manage around the embarrassing lump growing in your throat. "But listen, I gotta go."

"Ok." She sounds unconvinced, "Hey Gail...?"

"Yeah?" You breathe out.

"I love you." She says, simply.

"Love you too." You manage, before hanging up the phone and sinking on to your couch.

You close your eyes and let your head fall back against the cushions. The kid squirms, making you shift uncomfortably and stretch out with your feet up on the coffee table. You rub your belly and hum "Stay with me" absently as she stretches and squirms again, until her movement stops and you both drift off to sleep.

You aren't sure if it's the rumble of hunger in your empty stomach or the vibration of your phone that wakes you, feeling light headed and somewhat grumpy. You answer it without looking at the incoming name, hoping that it's Holly calling to ask if she should pick up pizza on the way.

"Gail. Hey." The familiar voice on the other end shocks you fully awake and alert.

"Nick. You're back." You say, hoisting yourself into an upright sitting position.

"Yeah, yeah I am." He sounds nervous.

You suppose you should be too, but all you can feel at the moment is the dull ache of disappointment, and muted anger, and the sting of betrayal for his having abandoned you, yet again. You know you should say something, but your silence hangs heavy on the open line as you stare at your phone not quite knowing what to say. You suppose you will have to eventually say something.

"Tell me Gail, is it true?" He finally asks.

So he knows. You wonder who told him, not sure whether to be relieved, or sad.

"That depends Nicholas. Is what true?" You know you sound impatient.

"Come on Gail! Don't play games with me!" You can hear the agitation in his voice mixed with exhaustion and something else you can't quite place, "You are pregnant, aren't you?"

You sigh heavily.

"So it's true then." He says in a steely tone, "and you're certain it's mine?"

"No Nick, I got knocked up in a three way with the tooth fairy and one of Santa's elves. Of course it's yours, you asshole!" You snap at him.

You really didn't want this conversation to go this way. Then again, and you realize that it was probably too much to ask for, you were hoping to be able to break the news to him yourself. His hurt silence on the other end of the phone is starting to piss you off too. Why is it, for good or bad, that things with you and Nick always seem to quickly spiral out of control?

"I can't believe you even said that to me." You finally growl at him.

You hear him sigh.

"Look, Gail, can we start over?" He asks softly but doesn't apologize.

"Yeah. Sure. Fine." You concede, trying to pull back the angry hurt that is making your fists curl and your jaw clench. You take a deep breath. "So... Nick... Just when did you get back?" You ask in an overly sweet, and fakely cheery voice.

"Come on Gail, didn't you think I had the right to know you were pregnant with my kid?" Nick sounds angry and hurt.

"Oh no. No. No. No! You don't get to play that hurt little boy card with me. You left. You're the one who disappeared in the middle of the night, again. You're the one who couldn't be bothered to make one five minute phone call, or even send a quick text to say goodbye. Six and a half months! Six and a half months Nick, you left without a single look back right when my whole world was falling apart, and now you think you have the right to be hurt because why? What's wrong Nick? You made your choice." The words come spewing from you in a stream of bitter, cold, and quiet furry that surprises even you.

"I seem to remember you putting your name in for that assignment too." Nick replies, "You know damn well how it works. Maybe better than any of us. You know I couldn't contact you and break my cover. And further more, don't tell me I'm the one who left when you're the one who's living in a whole other country."

"If the tables had been turned, and it had been you with your neck on the line, I never would have done that to you, you know. I would have stood by you instead of running away and leaving you to twist by yourself in the wind." You hate yourself for allowing the vulnerability to creep into your voice.

"But you weren't alone were you, and the charges were dropped." He says coolly.

"Yeah, well Nick, I guess I was lucky enough to be the only victim of a serial killer that survived long enough to be able to testify against him, and lucky that the prosecution needed me to retain my badge long enough for that testimony not to be discredited." You hear Nick's sharp intake of breath as you say this.

"That's right Nick, my family had nothing to do with that. But I guess I was lucky enough to be forced to resign my post and then be sent as far away as possible so as not to further embarrass my parents when it was all done." You continue, in a deadly calm voice laced with irony. "I'm damaged goods you know, and we can't have that, now can we. I mean, who knows what that would have done to my mother's political aspirations."

Last week Traci called to let you know she and Steve were taking some space, and why. They had been staying at the lake house, when he sent her into your mother's office to look for an end of the month expense report form in her desk so that he could fax it back in to the division, because he had forgotten to turn one in before they left. It was there that she found the letter from Internal Affairs recommending you be demoted back to Rookie status for up to one year with a cut in pay upon completion of your testimony at the Perrick trial. A recommendation that had been denied from the Superintendent's office, stating you should be accorded no special treatment. When Steve had shrugged sadly, and said you should have been more careful, Traci told him she wanted to go home - alone. She told him she wouldn't be the girlfriend who forced him to choose between his parents and her, and that she refused to be involved in anything so shitty to you, her friend. He had tried to explain that Pecks needed to live up to a higher standard, which was when she replied "Well thank God I'm not one then!", and insisted he drive her into town where she could rent a car to drive herself home. He had, of course, driven her all the way back to her place, but they hadn't spoken since. You told her she shouldn't break up with Steve because of you and your mistakes, and she told you she had a lot to think about if she was going to consider taking him back.

"Gail..." Nick's voice cuts softly through the dusky red haze of anger, and disappointment as you remember that conversation. "Look, I didn't call you to fight with you. We closed the case last night, and when we got back to the fifteen, Steve was waiting for me. He pulled me into an interrogation room, and punched me in the face... And told me... I mean, jeez Gail, I didn't even know you were gone..."

You wonder if Steve was acting on his own out of some kind of misguided protectiveness for you, or if your mother put him up to it.

"I'm sorry you had to find out that way. I made my mother promise she wouldn't tell you before I had a chance to talk with you..." You groan.

"And technically she didn't." Nick interjects.

"Whatever." You roll your eyes.

"Look, I know that things between us haven't always been... Well... You know... But I want you to come home. You know, you could marry me, we could be a family." He offers.

You start to laugh. You know you shouldn't, but you can't help it, and it silences him.

"Oh Nick," you say, wiping your eyes when you can finally speak, "That's so very noble of you, but..."

"No really Gail, I mean it. I want to do right by you and our baby." He interrupts.

"I know you do. You are a good man. But honestly Nick, you would have me do? Come back and do what? Stay at home and play house while chaining you to a life and a relationship that we both know we will both grow to resent? I don't think so!" You say softly, "And besides, I am home now." As you say it, you realize for the first time in a long time, that it's true.

"Ok..." He says slowly, "but I want to be a part of our child's life, and more than just for three weeks in the summer and every other holiday."

"I want you to be a part of our child's life too." You tell him. "I know it will be difficult, but I'm sure we can work it out."

"After I am done here with the paperwork on this case, I have about three weeks off. Can I come see you?" He asks tentatively.

"There is something else, or rather someone else." you take a deep breath and go on, "I want you to know that I'm with someone now, and I need you to be ok with that." You feel your heart clench as you wait for his answer.

It seems like an eternity before Nick replies, "Ok... I just need to know, is he good to you Gail?" In a shaky voice filled with emotion you didn't expect to hear, "Are you happy?"

"Yeah, Nick, I am." You feel your throat tighten and emotional tears prickling behind your eyes as you blink them back. "Her name is Holly, and I didn't plan for this to happen, but I'm grateful that it did." You hear yourself admit, "I don't know what I would have done without her and her support for these past few months."

"Good." He finally breathes out, and you hear the regret in his voice, "I'm so sorry I wasn't able to be there for you Gail, but I'm glad that somebody was, and is."

You feel the weight of a giant boulder lift from your chest as you know he means it.

"Thanks!" You let out the breath you didn't realize you were holding.

You are still sitting on your couch, staring into space, as you hear Holly enter your apartment. You hear her kicking off her boots and hanging her heavy coat on its peg by the door, and shuffling through your refrigerator, before coming around to plop herself down next to you with a sigh as she places her beer on the coffee table by your feet.

"Hey Baby!" She says quietly, and you can hear the soft smile in her voice.

"Hey." You reply without looking at her.

"And who said I was talking to you?" She leans over to kiss you on the stomach, and you feel the kid stretch out in response as she lifts up the hem of your shirt and rubs her cheek against your swollen abdomen. "Hey baby!" She says directly into your middle this time, giving you goosebumps as her lips brush against your taught skin, and kisses where the little toes are digging mercilessly into the bottom of your rib cage.

"Oh really." You can't help but smile at this little game she likes to play.

"Mmm huhm.." She hums happily back at you.

You stroke her hair as she rolls over to grin up at you.

"Hey Baby!" She sits back up, cupping your chin in her fingertips, leaning in for a kiss. "Happy Friday The Thirteenth!" She murmurs into your lips.

"You're so weird." You laugh, before kissing her again, more soundly this time.

"You like it." She says smugly when you pull back, as she leans her forehead against yours and nuzzles your nose.

"I do." You admit with a grin. "Why is it that you always know just what to do?" You sigh and close your eyes, feeling better than you have all day.

"I don't. But I'm glad you think so." Her voice is warm with affection.

"Holly?" You know you sound as small as you feel, "Are we doing anything about tomorrow?"

"Are you asking me this because it's Saturday and we both miraculously have the weekend off together, or are you asking because it's Valentines Day?" She asks gently.

"Uh... Maybe cuz it's Valentines Day, and I don't want to disappoint you." You crack your eyes open to look at her then.

"Oh Honey, is that why you've been being weird all day?" She tilts her head at you, her soft brown eyes filled with so much warmth and care you can scarcely credit it.

"Maybe..." You hedge.

"Just because I may have a little something planned for you doesn't mean I am expecting you to do anything for me. I know you love me." She replies, and then pokes you with a smirk, "And I suspect you think Valentine's Day is dumb, given how much of a Scrooge you were about Christmas!" She laughs.

"Hey!" You squirm away from her, "I like Christmas just fine, thank you very much!"

"And yet, I have never heard anyone complain so much about Christmas music on the radio, holiday shopping, and how the holiday season is designed to make people feel like losers." She arches her eyebrows at you.

"Did not!" You grumble and try not to smile back at her, so you pout instead.

"Whatever you say dear." She keeps laughing at you.

Bobby was right, and you are glad you took his advice and wrote her a sappy love letter on a hand made card. You also went ahead and got her that bracelet after all, even though you are still afraid it might all be too much.

You take a deep breath, "And Nick called me today." You say quickly, and brace yourself for her reaction, praying that she'll be ok with this.

You can feel yourself flush as your heart pounds in your ears, and you watch her stop laughing and her face become sober.

"Oh." Her voice is so small you can barely hear it.

You wait for her to say something, anything as the silence grows viscous and begins to fill your apartment.

"What did he say?" She asks quietly, and you notice the effort she is exerting to try to keep her voice from shaking.

"He wants to be a part of our kid's life." You begin, finding it hard to speak, you lick your lips and try again, "He wants me to move back to Toronto, and he asked me to marry him, but..."

You feel Holly begin to get up as you watch the color drain from her face and her lips become grey. No,no,no, no, no, no! Fuck!

"But..." You feel your heart sink as you watch a silent tear roll down Holly's cheek. You gather your courage and grab her wrist just as she is standing to pull her back down next to you.

"Holly!" You feel the pain from where her reaction is cutting you blossom in your chest. It's like Chris all over again, but one hundred times worse. You know you've fucked this up, but you are determined to tell her the truth, if it kills you!

"Gail... don't..." She won't look at you.

"I told him no!" You say, desperate to see her eyes, "And I told him about us!"

"You did?" She turns to face you then, her eyes wide, and wild with a storm you've never seen there before.

"Yes, of course I did!" You feel like you're drowning in your own blood.

"Gail... I'm so sorry... I panicked... I..." She stammers.

"Ya know what Holly, maybe you should go." You tell her coldly, trying your best to staunch the bleeding.

"Get. Out." You glare at her while pointing at the door, all the while praying that she won't.

But of course she does. You wait until she's gone before you collapse, your sobs ripping at your chest apart, prying open the gaping wound you had almost forgotten was there, when you were with her.


	19. February

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail gets caught up taking care of an emergency situation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patients!

It's fitting that the storm raging outside almost matches the one inside your head. A brutal wind pushing thick curtains of unrelenting snow the plows are desperately trying to subdue batters your car as your radio crackles and you watch the work crews struggle to get the power back on, slowly clearing another downed power line. Your windshield wipers squeak and the heat blasts air that's almost too warm inside the cocoon of your squad car. Holly has called you no less than eight times in the last twenty four hours, but you don't know quite what to say to her. You haven't been able to bring yourself to listen to her voicemails either. You admit you are afraid of whatever angry thing you are sure she's going to say, before she dumps you. With Chris, you chased after him and begged for him to take you back, but you are sure that you're never gonna do that again with anybody, not even Holly. You bite the inside of your lip to stave off the murky waters of self-pity that are threatening to rise up and drowned you. The single rose, the box, the envelope, you found on your kitchen island after she left eat at your heart, you couldn't bring yourself to look too closely at them. Just thinking about it made you flee your apartment, to find yourself here, working your third shift of emergency weather patrol on what should be your second day off. You are so tired, and there is a growing cramp in your lower back you attribute to having slept badly on the cot in the back of the women's locker room. 

You sigh as your radio crackles to life, there is a car off the road on Memorial drive, partially in the river, requesting assistance. You wonder how fast these losers must have been driving to have their car breach the giant snow bank lining the side of the road. Your cruiser fishtails on the inch or so of accumulated snow that's fallen in the past half an hour as you hit the gas. And then you see it.

Shit.

The Honda CRV is perched precariously, half on its side, holding on to the wall balanced on the metal railing, on the part of Mem. Drive that swings out over the Charles its self. The wind howls and batters you as you jump out of your car to check on its occupants.

"This is Peck, I need a rescue team, NOW!" You radio in, you hear the car groan and creak as you watch it sway dangerously. 

You give the location and the GPS coordinates hoping that help comes soon. The CRV rocks again as you see movement in the front of the car. You know you shouldn't do this, but you rush to the trunk of your vehicle and grab the haul chins, and secure them to the bars on the front of your cruiser. It's so cold you can barely feel your hands, even with the thick mittens you are wearing. Another blinding wall of snow and freezing rain hits you as you struggle forward to hook the other end of the chains to the floundering vehicle. As you get closer you can see movement in the drivers seat making the car teeter on the edge of the wall. You move forward again, hooking the chains to the other car's frame, hoping that what you are doing isn't incredibly stupid. 

"This is the police, please remain as still as possible and try to stay calm." You announce over your cruiser's PA system as you hop back into your car, feeling the rush of adrenaline.

Putting your car in reverse, you slowly back up until the chains between you tighten and you can feel the unnerving movement of the other car. You don't dare try to back up any farther, but you hope this will keep them out of the river. 

Where the hell is fire and rescue? 

You sit and wait, and wait, and watch the temperature drop to -2F on your cruisers thermometer. You know you have to do something. Shit. 

You sigh, get out of your car once more and stride forward, feet sliding on the slippery surface of the road. You know you can't think too much about what you are about to do, and you have to do this before you lose your nerve. Grasping the metal bars of the railing, you pull yourself up to stand on the wall next to the car. You feel it rock slightly as you cautiously open the back door. 

Shit and double shit! 

Frightened eyes, as blue as your own, stare at you from a mocha face and a mop of bright curls strapped into a car seat. You hear the man in the drivers seat groan in pain. The car rocks again and you know what you must do.

"Hi! I'm Gail! What's your name?" You address the little girl as she starts to cry.

"Sh-shawna." She finally replies.

"Ok Shawna," You smile, keeping your voice calm, "Are you feeling hurt anywhere?"

"N-N-no. No." She stutters at you.

"Ok. Good." You notice the wind has picked up, and the movement of the car on the wall has increased and is causing your car to slide forward on the slick surface of the road. "Hey Shawna, who's this?" You ask pointing to the man in the driver's seat.

"That's my Daddy." She replies in a tiny voice, as her tears start to come again.

"Ok, ok... Help is on the way." You tell her, praying you aren't wrong. "Sit tight, try not to move and I'll be right back! It's going to be ok!"

"Don't go!" She wails at you.

"I have to go, but I'll be right back!" You promise, gently shutting the door and hopping off the wall. 

Returning to your car you radio in " this is unit twenty seven, ten eighty rollover Mem drive EB, adult African American male, mid twenties, semi-conscious in the driver's seat, J in back requesting ten thirty three over."  
(Translation: this is unit twenty seven, motor vehicle accident with high-priority injuries needing an ambulance, rolled over on its side, on Memorial Drive East bound, Child in the back of the car, need immediate assistance.)

"Ten four, twenty seven, fire and rescue in route" comes the reply.

"What's their twenty?" You ask impatiently as you put your cruiser in reverse and feel the wheels begin to spin as the chain connecting you becomes taught.

"They should be on the scene in five." Dispatch answers.

You feel your car jolt as the SUV on the railing begins to rock violently. Without hesitation, without thought, you leap from your car and rush back onto the edge of the bridge. You can see the man in the drivers seat flailing, causing the car to inch closer to the brink of disaster. You climb up and knock on the rear window. The flailing stops, but the car keeps swaying dangerously. 

"Hey!" You scream, feeling the wind tearing your voice away from you. "You need to calm down sir! Help is on the way!"

You gingerly reach forward and open the rear door again. The car rocks and creeks. Shawna is screaming a wordless high pitched keening that goes straight through you. It makes you lean further into the car than you know you should to grasp her by the arm.

"Shawna!" You command, and miraculously the screaming stops. "You need to calm down and be quiet!"

A hand grips the collar of your jacket, pulling you dangerously even further inside.

"Save my baby!" The man's voice rasps in your ear.

"Help is on the way. It's going to be alright!" You tell him. 

You wish that Bobby or somebody were here. Time seems to stop and it's just you and these two incredibly scared, precious people clinging to life as you feel the car rock and slide a little more toward the river beneath you. You take a deep breath and focus.

"Can you tell me your name sir?" You gently grasp the hand that's gripping your collar.

"David. David Johnson. And this is Shawna." He replies more calmly.

"Ok David, do you remember what happened?" You ask.

"I was coming home from work, when I picked Shawna up at my sister's house, and we were driving home when I must have hit a patch of ice. I remember the car starting to spin out and now this." He answers.

"Ok, ok good." You need to keep him calm and talking. 

You can hear the sirens approaching, and soon there is a tap on your leg. You watch, shivering and soaked to the bone from the back of the rescue, allowing the EMTs to wrap you in a blanket and hand you a steaming cup of coffee. You refuse to leave before both Shawna and David have been safely loaded onto an ambulance. Your cruiser has become a part of this mess, so you leave it to the Cambridge Fire Department to sort out and catch a ride over to Mass General Hospital with a Cambridge rookie. 

You have just finished taking David's statement, and are walking out into the hall when you see Bobby striding in your direction.

"Peck!" He calls out to you with a scowl, "What the hell were you thinking!"

You want nothing more than to curl up and cry, but you shoot him the look of death instead.

"Nice to see you too Bobby." You reply.

"Come on Gail! Of all the dumb-ass things..." He huffs. "You should have waited for back up!"

"They said that car would have fallen into the river, and those people..." You shutter to think about it, "come on Bobby, what would you have done?"

He stops walking and looks at you, and you watch his shoulders sag as he lets out a deep breath. "You just had to go and be the fucking hero with out me." He straightens up and bumps your shoulder playfully with his fist.

You laugh and punch him back, feeling better than you have since you kicked Holly out of your apartment.

Bobby drops you off in front of your building and waits to go until you get inside the first set of glass doors. You lean heavily on the side of the elevator on the way up, wanting nothing more than to sleep for about a week. You notice the light is on in your kitchen as you enter your apartment, and wonder if you left it that way in your haste to leave. You should be hungry, and you know if you don't eat, the kid will wake you up in the middle of the night demanding to be fed, but for right now, now that the adrenaline has worn off and your job is done, you are just too bone weary to even think about food. 

You let your uniform jacket fall to the floor with a heavy thud. You kick off your boots and then peel your still damp pants and squelchy socks off of your body to land in a crumpled heap by your door. Shuffling barefoot into the kitchen, you briefly consider grabbing one of Holly's beers from your refrigerator, but opt for hot tea, putting on the kettle instead.

It's then that you realize you are not alone. You see movement in your dark living room out of the corner of your eye, and turn sharply to watch her rise like an apparition from your couch. She is on you in three quick strides, grabbing you and pulling you into a savage embrace, clutching you so fiercely it takes your breath away. You stand in ridged shock for a moment before lifting your arms to wrap softly around her. It's then you realize she's crying softly into your shoulder.

"Hol..." You murmur, but she doesn't let you finish, grabbing roughly at your face and crashing her lips into yours. You taste her full and deep, bitter, and salty, and sweet, breathing in her warmth, and light, as she tells you how very much you are loved without saying a single word.

She's breathing hard as she pulls away, still cradling your face in her hands, "Don't you ever shut me out again." She pleads, her eyes searching yours.

"I won't.", You whisper.

"Come here!" She demands, tugging you toward your bedroom by your hand.

"Ok." You nod, knowing that all you can do is let her lead you, and trust. And you do.


	20. So tired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bitter cold and the snowiest spring on record makes Gail not mind being stuck on desk duty for the last eight weeks of her pregnancy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the next chapter that you have all been waiting for! Thank you for sticking with this story in-spite of life's little emergencies and surprises getting in the way of my getting it done in a timely way. The next chapter should be done sooner and be somewhat longer. Once again, I love hearing from you! I love your comments like Gail loves doughnuts!

The dream that woke you while it was still dark out isn't one you remember ever having before, but it still rudely sent you from sleep to full alert, in a cold sweat, in seconds. You sit up, rubbing your face, tangled in the sheets, trying to get a grip on it as it slithers away into the darkness of your unconscious. All you can remember is being strapped to a table under blindingly bright lights as the monster inside you starts to claw its way out of your belly, Alien style.

Fuck.

Your old shrink back in Toronto would have a field day with this. You know enough about psychology to know that it's not your kid that you're afraid of, but hospitals, doctors, medical procedures, and being restrained, drugged, and not in control. Why did you think this giving birth thing was a good idea again? You sigh and wrap your belly protectively in your arms, willing the sharp cramping pain that woke you along with your dream to go away, trying to get your breathing under control. Maybe you won't tell anyone when the time comes. Maybe you'll just stay at home. Women have been giving birth without hospitals forever, right? How bad could it be? You know you won't really do this, but for now you don't want to think about it.

You are worried about the future too. Nothing seems to be going as you had planned, or hoped. Holly has been more distant lately, ever since you told her about Nick being back. She keeps telling you that nothing's wrong, but you've been seeing less of her, and you keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. You do know that the morgue actually has been extra busy with the increase in deaths due to the sub-zero weather conditions and record breaking snow. You also know she really is working a lot of double shifts. While you hope she's telling you the whole truth, a little voice in your head keeps telling you she's looking for a way out. Just like everyone else. Glancing over at the clock you swing your feet to the floor and get out of bed. You may as well get up now, you're never getting back to sleep, no matter how exhausted you are.

The only thing that seems to be going right is that Nick has been talking with you more than he has in years. He's taking this whole fatherhood thing far more seriously than you ever expected, while letting you take the lead on what's going to happen once your daughter is born. Your daughter. You finally had your OBGYN confirm what you know Holly and Bobby already knew by looking at the ultrasound pictures. Somehow, you know that Nick is going to be a great Dad, even if he was a crappy boyfriend. You and he have already started looking for an apartment to sublet nearby for when he comes to stay for his thirty five weeks of parental leave after the kid is born. You, of course, will be returning to work after only eight weeks, and you can't help being jealous, even if his presence will give you some time after your maternity leave ends, and make the first year easier. You only wish you could make Holly understand that you never felt about him the way you feel about her. When you tried to tell her that being with her was like being Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, never seeing the world in color until you met her, she laughed at you for picking the gayest movie reference ever. She then kissed away your pout, making your toes curl, making your mind go blank, making it impossible for you to be upset with her for laughing at you.

A sparkling spectral shower of glittering snow shimmers in the light of the street lamps as you wait for Bobby to pick you up, leaning against the cool tiled wall, listening to the wind moan and occasionally rattle the glass doors of your building. Wishing you could just go back to bed now that your panic has passed, leaving you queasy, and shaken, tired, but still wide awake, you watch the ark of headlights pulling into the circle before you. Your boots slide and squeak on the freshly fallen snow as you shuffle to his car. Climbing in, you lean back, letting your head fall against the headrest, and close your eyes for just a moment before moving to buckle up. Bobby gives you a concerned look when you refuse the offered doughnut, and sip gingerly at your coffee, but says nothing.

Sitting at your desk, trying to keep your eyes open, you listen to the sound of the heat clicking back on and the wind outside. For once you are not complaining about being stuck riding the desk as another storm batters the city bringing with it sub zero temperatures and more snow. After the incident on the bridge just over three weeks ago, both Bobby and Holly persuaded you to sit out the last eight weeks of your pregnancy on desk duty. You yawn and stretch trying to ease the cramp in your back and in your legs, and the heartburn you have been feeling all day. The kid pushes back, digging her toes deeper into your rib cage. Who knew you could feel even more bloated and uncomfortable than you did before?

Great.

You get up and waddle to the break room, hoping that the new single serving coffee maker has the mocha-caramel cups you have started liking recently. You are poking absently in the cupboards wondering if your Dad mug is clean, and looking to steal one of Bobby's Pop-tarts when the cramp in your back gets suddenly worse. Clutching your side as you steady yourself by gripping the countertop with your free hand, you gasp for breath as the pain rolls through you. After what seems like an eternity it subsides into a dull ache leaving you panting and shaking, and sweating. What the...?! Traci warned you about Braxton Hicks contractions starting about a month before the real thing, but this is ridiculous!

Your phone starts to ring just as you make it back to your desk, relieved that no one seems to have noticed your discomfort or be paying any attention to you at all.

"I missed you last night.", The buttery warmth of her soft voice purrs in your ear, making you smile in spite of yourself.

"Oh, really." You try to scoff, but it's nearly impossible as her tone suddenly conjures the visceral texture of her skin against your lips.

Your emotions have been all over the map, even more than usual. Bobby is annoyingly sympathetic about it too, treating you with gentle humor every time your mood swings violently. Stupid hormones!

"Mmmm, I did." She hums.

You feel the embarrassing heat rising up your neck, coloring your ears and cheeks. The problem is, every time she speaks to you in that sexy tone, you can't help but to surrender. You've never allowed anyone to have this effect on you before, but you find yourself powerless to stop her.

"Did you miss me too?" She continues, making your heart beat faster.

"Maybe..." You grin into the phone

She laughs at you before dropping her voice into a low pitched whisper, "I guess I'll just have to find a way to make it up to you."

You try to form words, to give her a snappy comeback, but your mouth is suddenly as dry as Death Valley and all that comes out is a muted whimper.

Pathetic!

If this isn't embarrassing enough, Bobby is back from patrol, placing a cup of ice cream from Toscanini's on your desk, while smirking knowingly at you.

"Just what are you smiling at?" You snap at him, blushing harder as you hear Holly laughing at you in your ear.

"Awww, you're so cute when you blush like a girl! Say hi to Holly for me." He says in a syrupy voice, batting his eyelashes at you.

"Fuck you Bobby!" You stick your tongue out at him.

"And here I went out, risking my life in this weather to get you the best ice in the city, and this is all the thanks I get..." He replies, clutching his heart in mock horror.

You make a sour face at him and then turn your attention back to your phone, "I gotta go. See you later?"

"I am absolutely counting on it!" The sexy purr in her voice is back, "I should be done tonight by eight."

"Mmm, K, bye!" You manage to squeak, while giving Bobby, who is smirking at you, your best death glare.

As you take your first bite of your snack, you moan appreciatively, and let your eyes roll back in your head, earning a chuckle from Bobby. And truly, how can you be mad at him when Toscanini's Dark Chocolate Orange with salted caramel sauce is better than most of the sex you've had in your life. The problem is, once you are done, you sugar crash so hard that you can barely keep your eyes open. Bobby returns to find you nodding off over the paperwork involving the possible theft of lab equipment from building C, and it's possible conversion into a portable still, allegedly used to make moonshine at several parties in off campus housing.

"Hey Peck! Why don't you call it a day?" He says, as he wakes you by gently placing a firm hand on your left shoulder.

You snap upright, dizzy and disoriented, but at full alert as your childhood training to never be caught off guard kicks in.

"What?" You spin quickly in your chair, nearly elbowing him in the nose. "Oh, uh, sorry Bobby." You smile sheepishly at him, and the look of surprise on his face as you realize who it is.

"No, no, my bad." He shrugs, "listen Kiddo, why don't I take you home before the captain catches you drooling all over that pile paperwork."

"I'm fine Bobby!" You insist, even though you know you're not. You are light headed, and nauseous, and the room won't stop spinning. As you try to get up the pain in your belly is back, and everything goes a bit topsey-tervy. "Whoa!" You breathe out, while clutching at the edge of your desk in an attempt to get the world to stop swimming. You see Bobby's look of alarm. You see him take a giant step forward to catch you in slow motion as everything fades from color, to brown, to black. You can hear him shouting, but he's so very far away. And you, you are so very tired.


	21. Complications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail finds herself in the emergency room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the short chapter, but I figured you would rather have it now, than have to wait until I get the chance to write more. Once again, I love to hear from you! Your comments are what keep me writing!

The room is far too bright and noisy, and all you want to do is sleep. There is something foreign on your face, and your mouth tastes unpleasantly like copper, and your middle feels like you are being squeezed, even though you seem to be lying on your back. Reaching up to brush off the offending object, your fingers close on the cool plastic of the oxygen mask you are wearing, and you feel the panic begin to take hold.

"And there she is!" You hear Bobby's voice, far too cheerful for this time of day, exclaim, strangely annoying and yet calming as you struggle to understand where you are, and what's going on.

"What the...?!" You gasp as you grip the side rail on the bed, and struggle to sit up.

"Careful Sweetheart!" Katherine says placing a firm hand on your shoulder, pushing you back into the pillows. 

A motor sounds from somewhere deep inside the bed behind yo as you are raised to a more upright position. You know that you aren't dreaming even though your brain stubbornly refuses to make sense of anything.

"Holly?" You look wildly around this strange hospital room, frantically searching for the one person you need.

"She stepped out to talk with the doctor." Bobby informs you, "Relax! Your girl will be back soon." He smiles while easing the oxygen mask back onto your face and then sitting in the metal chair at the end of your bed, tipping back on two rear legs to prop his crossed feet up on the bed-frame. 

"What... What happened?" You stutter, trying to wrap your brain unsuccessfully around how you got here.

"Why don't we wait for Holly and your doctor to return. I'm sure they can explain things to you better than we can." Kate smiles kindly at you.

The kid stretches, pushing her head into your pelvis, making sitting painfully uncomfortable. "I got to get out of here!" You grumble as you reach for the annoying strap around your middle.

"Whoa there Kiddo! Slow down!" Bobby exclaims, holding his hands out before him, "why don't you just wait to hear what the doctor has to say."

You grunt your ascent and fall back into the waiting pillows.

A nurse appears in your doorway pushing some kind of medical station on a cart. She is so fucking cheerful it makes you want to puke.

"Officer Peck! Hi! I'm Angie!" She chirps at you.

"What do you want." You glower at her.

"It's so nice to see that you are finally awake!" She smiles toothily at you, "I'm just here to take your vitals." 

"Whatever. Just lets get it over with." You continue to scowl at her.

You roll your eyes at Bobby, who smirks knowingly back at you, as she takes your temperature, and continues to natter on about how excited you must be to be becoming a first time mom soon. Katherine abruptly stands up, brushing imaginary dirt from her jeans, and leaves the room. Watching the bustling Emergency Room through the open door of your room you begin to space out again as Angie starts to draw blood from the port in the back of your hand.

"Gail!!" Bobby's voice snaps you back to the here and now. "Hey! Where did you go?"

"Whaaa.." You gape at him, trying to stay focused.

"You!" Bobby barks at the technician, "don't just sit there! I need the doctor in charge of Officer Peck's case, in here now!"

Angie looks startled, and hurries from the room. She's back shortly with a squat middle-aged woman with a no-nonsense air about her that you haven't seen before. She offers a blunt, muscular hand which you shake, as she introduces herself.

"Hello Officer Peck! I'm Dr.Greene, the OBGYN specialist on call for this evening." She states briskly. "May I speak freely in front of this gentleman, or would you like him to leave us?"

"No, no, Bobby's cool." You shake your head. "Him, and Holly, and Kate." Your head is swimming, the kid shifts and turns uncomfortably again, and you wonder where Holly might be.

"Very good!" She smiles at you and then at Bobby. "So, you're the father..." 

"No, no, Nick's the father, Bobby is my partner, and Holly is my girlfriend." You interrupt.

She stops for a moment looking confused, "OoKay... So... Who is Kate? And is Nick going to be here too?"

"Oh no... Nick is still in Toronto. And Kate is Bobby's wife." You can tell that Bobby is trying hard not to laugh out loud as the doctor takes just a moment longer to look at your chart than necessary.

"Ok then... I will need to examine you. We seem to have been able to stop your premature labour with IV medication because we would like to see you carry this baby for at least a few more weeks, but we will have to get your blood pressure stabilized in order to do so. We would like to begin a corticosteroid treatment to insure your child's respiratory system matures quickly enough, just in case we need the delivery to be sooner." She explains, "If you will excuse us, Bobby, We would like to get going on this examination."

"Do you always speak about yourself in the third person, or is there someone else hiding in that lab cart?" You ease yourself out of bed, unhooking the baby monitor and taking off the oxygen mask.

"Gail," Dr.Greene looks cautiously at you, "you do need to allow me to examine you." 

"Get Holly!" You explore Bobby. You have been on edge since you woke up, but full blown panic about being subjected to any kind of invasive medical procedure is beginning to set in, "I can't do this with out Holly!"

"Sit tight Kiddo, I'll have her here in a jiffy!" Bobby soothes.

As soon as he is gone Dr.Greene turns to you. "This is a busy hospital. We can't wait for your girlfriend to get here all night. I really must start this exam."

"No!" You insist a little bit louder.

"Look, if you won't comply, we will have to compel you to be examined for the safety of your unborn child." She says, taking a step in your direction.

"Lady, if you touch me, you will regret ever being born." You snarl in your best cop voice, while s scanning the room for a potential weapon with which to defend yourself, you keep one eye on the doctor, and one eye on the door sizing up your possible exit.

"Gail, I don't want to have to sedate you, but I will..." She says, putting the hospital table between the two of you and pressing a button on the wall.

Picking up one of the detachable OBGYN stirrup legs to use a baton as you go, you start to move toward the exit. Which is how Holly finds you.

"Gail?" She says sharply, "Beverly? What are you doing?"

Dr.Greene turns with surprise to greet her, "Holly Stewart? This is your girlfriend?"

"Uh, yeah, she kinda is." You narrow your eyes and lower your weapon slightly.

"Gail. Put that thing down!" Holly commands, before bursting into laughter as she shakes her head and covers her eyes.

"She didn't want to wait for you, and then she threatened to sedate me!" You whine.

"I see your bedside manner hasn't improved any." Holly snaps at her.

"And Lisa tells me you are still wasting your time and talents poking at dead people." Dr.Greene shoots back.

"I take it you two know each other." You state dryly, placing your makeshift weapon on the bed.

"Mm.. " Holly nods affirmatively. "Gail, this is Dr.Beverly Greene, one of my med school classmates, and Beverly, this is Officer Gail Peck of the MIT Police, and my girlfriend."

"And seven and a half months pregnant. Another fine notch in your lesbian bedpost. You never could resist a challenge, could you Holly?" She snipes at Holly while reading your chart.

"Excuse me?!" You bristle

Holly ignores her, and turns to you, "While Beverly is kind of a jerk, and has the bedside manner of a snail, she did graduate near the top of our class, and is one of the best obstetric surgeons around."

"Such high praise from the woman who graduated first in our class and can't be bothered to use her talents to their greatest potential." Dr.Greene mutters somewhat bitterly.

"Regardless," Holly ignores her and continues, "you should allow Beverly to examine you, and strongly consider her recommendations."

"You won't leave me, will you?" You plead with Holly.

"I will be right here. I'm not going anywhere." She assures you.

"Ok fine." You let your face scrunch up in disgust.

"As touching as this may be," Dr.Greene interjects, "I'm a very busy doctor, so let's get on with it."

Glaring at her you snarl, "I may be seven and a half months pregnant, but I will still kick your stumpy ass if you piss me off."

Holly smirks, looking very much like the cat that ate the canary.

Dr. Green turns to her, "You would let her threaten me like that?" She sounds indignant.

"You know Beverly, given your attitude, I'm frankly surprised you're not used to it by now." Holly's smirk gets bigger, "Given that you insist on being a self righteous ass to your colleague's families, I can't imagine how you are with the general public." She winks at you, and you feel the glow of warmth and affection growing in your chest.  
______________________

"Bed rest! Come on Holly! Really?!" You whine at her.

Holly insisted on ensconcing you in her bed instead of taking you home to your apartment, telling you you would be much more comfortable. Truthfully, you suspect she doesn't trust you to follow doctor's orders and stay in bed. And you are more comfortable, even though you hate to admit it.

"You are just lucky they released you into my care instead of admitting you." She smirks playfully at you, while helping you to adjust your pillows. "Now, if you need anything, I'll be downstairs working."

She kisses you gently and you realize you aren't going to win this argument, even if, truth be told, this whole ordeal has left you exhausted and you are struggling to stay awake. You groan as she gets up and walks to the stairs. 

"Holly..." You call after her.  
"What." She turns to look back at you with such care it stops the sarcastic remark you are about to fling at her, cold. 

"Thanks." You practically whisper.

She comes back to kiss you on your head, and then leaves as your eyelids seem to shut of their own accord.


	22. The Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail is working from home as she is stuck on bed rest until the birth of her baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the update you have all been bugging me about. Thanks for all of your support!

It's in the smokey depths of her gaze, in the stillness of early morning, when the sun has not yet risen, and the city lights have yet to succumb to the steel grey unrelenting sky of early spring, that you know for sure. It's in the way she moves silently, watching your steady breath, the rise and fall of the pile of blankets and quilts you have made your home for these past few weeks, still unaware of your waking presence, watching her, watching you. It's in the soft, wistful look as she stops, the heaviness of her shoulders as she sighs, wrapping her arms and her sweater tightly around herself. It's in the sadness she never allows you to see when she thinks you are awake that makes you decide. You know that you would move heaven and earth not to hurt her if you could. You shift and roll slightly as the kid squirms and stretches inside you, causing you to grunt with discomfort and the need to head for the bathroom. Holly drops her arms, shakes out her shoulders, and smiles as she comes over to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Hey! Good morning!" She leans over to brush your hair from your eyes, and kiss you softly on your lips.

"Hey!" You whisper back, taking both of her hands in yours, pulling her to you for one more kiss.

"Come on Gail!" She laughs softly into your chest, where you have pulled her slightly on top of you. "Let me help you up, because I need to start my day too!" She sits up and scoots off the bed, waiting expectantly for you to follow.

Being stuck on bed rest until the kid is born has meant living in Holly's bed and on her couch, after you convinced her it would be easier for both of you if she let you lounge there during the day, with supervised trips to the bathroom and back, for the past two and a half weeks. Premature labour, along with heavy bleeding and a dangerous drop in your blood pressure has earned you, what you like to call house arrest, and an impending C-section, scheduled tentatively for the end of next week; something you are both dreading, and are becoming increasingly impatient to happen. You are so ready for this pregnancy to be over! And yet, the thought of enduring a surgical procedure terrifies you. Being afraid makes you angry and mean in ways you are trying hard not to spill over onto Holly.

The circus surrounding the birth of your child has you on edge as well. Nick will be arriving in town along with Traci on Monday, your C-section is scheduled for Thursday morning, and your parents and Steve will be flying in on Friday. You managed to get Steve to convince them to wait until the kid is born, giving you a whole twenty four hours to recover before your mother swoops down and tries to take control. Although she is trying to hide it, as the date approaches, you watch it weigh more and more heavily on Holly.

"Gail..." She sighs as you begin to slip your hands under her t-shirt and work it slowly up her body as she eases you onto the bench in her shower.. "Gail... What are you doing?"

She is so beautiful! You don't answer with words, choosing instead to kiss the bare skin of her abs and tug gently at the small titanium ring in her navel, making her shiver.

"Gail..." She smiles at you, but takes a step back.

"Aw come on Holly... Stay and shower with me." You whine at her, knowing you sound somewhat needy.

"Gail." She says firmly, shaking her head and backing away with a smile, "you know if I do that I will never be ready to go before Bobby gets here, and I have to go in to work for a while."

"Party pooper!" You grumble.

"You're very cute when you pout like that," She laughs at you, "but I'm going to go make coffee now. I'll be back to help you out in a few minutes."

"Fine." You glare after her retreating form.

You turn on the water to drowned out the sound of her laughter. For all that the two of you have been stuck together in her loft for the past few weeks, it is becoming frustratingly more and more difficult to capture Holly's undivided attention.

She's back sooner than you expect, slipping in to the shower stall behind you, digging her fingers in to your soapy hair and massaging your scalp. Leaning back, eyes shut, you bask in her touch. Your hands glide up her slick torso, pulling her to lean over your shoulder so you can reach her lips with yours. Her arms slide around you as her chin digs into your shoulder and her hands rest on your swollen belly. Leaning further back into her embrace you allow yourself to sigh, content in this perfect moment of peace, even though you know this must be the calm before the storm. And it's over far too soon, Holly giving you one final squeeze before she gets up briskly, and tells you your breakfast is ready, so you should hurry up. When you are rinsed and clean, she wraps you in one of her thick cream colored bath towels and helps you waddle to the couch where you put on your oversized Bruins jersey and sweats, much to her amusement. She is helping you into your thick wool socks as Bobby lets himself in juggling a tray of coffees and a box of fresh doughnuts from the bakery down the street.

"Hey Bobby!" Holly calls over her shoulder as she rushes up the stairs to finish getting dressed for work, "I made you guys spinach lasagne and lentil soup for lunch. Please make her eat something real, not just doughnuts today!"

Bobby ducks his head and blushes as he hides his sheepish grin, while you dig into the box of still warm pastry heaven, ignoring both Holly's comment, and the dark green smoothie she made you this morning. You know she tells you Spirulina is good for you, but If you were meant to eat algae you would have been born a duck.

Captain Yoshida has been kind enough to let you work from home until the kid is born, instead of going on medical leave. As Holly rumbles down the stairs from the bedroom, you sigh, and rub your eyes looking over the proposal to totally upgrade the department's operating system and devices used by officers next year. It's a complete disaster! Your boss has jokingly warned you that now he knows how good you are at building budgetary spreadsheets and PowerPoint presentations, and all of the other crap your mother made sure you knew how to do when she was grooming you to become the next Peck in a white shirt, he might never let you go back to the streets. Holly kisses the top of your head, mumbling something about being late, while grabbing the to-go cup of coffee, and doughnut, Bobby extends to her with a grin. You groan as you glance up at the whirlwind of your girl running out the door. You are like a cat, and right now you would give anything to be able to leave this room and go outside, even if you would immediately complain about the weather, turn around, and choose to sit on the couch for the rest of the day.

After lunch you and Bobby are resting with your feet on the coffee table looking out at the freezing rain as it turns the sky a gunmetal blue, and gives the street a dangerous shine.

"I'm going to blame Holly if I have to get a size up in uniform pants when I go back to regular duty." Bobby yawns.

"Yup, you're getting fat!" You poke him.

Bobby likes to complain that he can now pinch all of an inch or so of extra padding at the bottom of his his six pack. He, and his dog, Charlie, still run over six miles every morning before he comes in to work. He stretches and pats his stomach.

"Uh huh." He drops his feet from the coffee table, getting up to clear the dishes to the kitchen. You lean back and close your eyes, listening to the clatter of dishes going into the dishwasher, and the running of water in the sink.

"I think maybe we should get married." You blurt out the thing that's been weighing on you all day when he returns.

He stops half way to sitting next to you, before plopping back down on the couch.

"Ok. But I think bigamy is still a crime in this state, and besides, Katherine might mind." He props his feet back up on the coffee table and winks at you.

"Not you, asshole! Holly!" You glare at him.

"I always knew she was the father of your child." His eyes sparkle with mirth.

"Will you stop!" You smack him lightly on the arm, "I'm trying to be serious!"

"Ow! Ok! Ok!" He rubs his arm with a grin.

"Come on Bobby! Will you please just listen?!" You grumble impatiently.

He purses his lips and raises his eyebrows at you.

"I never want to hurt her, and every time I talk to Nick, she gets farther and farther away. And I want to be with her! I choose her! I want us to be a family! I never knew I would or even could want this, but I do! And I'm so afraid once everyone shows up, she'll find out what a mistake she made, how I'm not the nicer person she thinks I am, and she won't want to be with me anymore." You shrug, biting at your lower lip to stop any more of the jumble of insecurities from falling from your mouth. Your heart is hammering in your mouth so loudly you are afraid if you open it to say anything else that you might die right there. You close your eyes in a vein attempt to close the lid of the Pandora's box of your fear.

After what seems like an eternity, Bobby's voice is gentle as he speaks, "You know Kid, I remember when Bridget, my first, was born. We had spent months getting ready, and Katherine was so afraid that things would be different, that she wouldn't be as sexy, that I wouldn't want her anymore. And it was way less complicated than what you are going through. And besides I'm pretty sure Holly knows exactly who you are by now."

You dare to open your eyes, to see him looking at you with such warmth and compassion, you don't know what to do.

"Have you even talked to her about this?" He nudges your foot with his.

"No." You shake your head and shrug again.

"Maybe you should." He shrugs back at you.

It's late when the front door opening wakes you.

"Hey!" You call sleepily from the nest of blankets on the couch, as you reach for the remote to turn off Hell Boy.

"I am so sorry!" She rushes over to sit on the edge beside you. "When did Bobby go home?"

"It's ok Lunchbox!" You smile at her, "I'm an adult, and it's been kind of nice having a quiet evening to myself."

"Oh Honey!" She cups your face tenderly in trembling fingers, "I know you're an adult. But what if something had happened!"

"Really, I'm fine" you reassure her, "I'm being a good girl, and I had this." You hold up your cellphone, "And Anthony brought me pizza. There's some left, if you haven't eaten, by the way..."

The glowing pressure in your chest makes you smile as she tilts her head and looks at you over her glasses with big worried eyes. Sometimes you can't believe how much you feel for this amazing woman. It's all too much, so you pull her face to yours and kiss her with everything you can.

"Mmmm... That's better!" You murmur to her, as she rests on top of you, foreheads touching.

She sighs, and snuggles into the crook of your neck, wrapping her arms around your middle.

"I just love you so..." She nuzzles you again pressing her body closer.

You know this would be the perfect time to say something. You know it would. And yet, you can't bring yourself to broach the subject. A million thoughts and feelings swirl through you. Maybe it's all too much. Maybe it's too soon. In truth, you don't know what you'd do if she said no. And so you kiss her on her head, not wanting to break the perfect moment between you and whisper, "I love you too!"


	23. You hate surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail receives a number of phone calls from home the week before her scheduled C-section

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is still reading! I love it when you comment, it makes my whole day!

"How can you even stand being in a van with those losers all day?" You drawl at Traci as she complains about how tedious the stakeout she has been on with Dov and Chris for the past week is, and how it's taking longer than anyone expected.

You close your eyes as you pop the last bite of maple glazed doughnut Holly brought you for breakfast into your mouth. Lying back against the soft nest of pillows she propped you up on on her couch this morning, before she left to go investigate a body and an explosion on an incoming boat down by the Gridley Dam on the Charles River, you sigh. It still amazes you, even with all of the problems you are having lately, just how wonderful she is, and how much she really cares, and takes,care of you. No one has ever done that for you before. You're grateful that Traci called too, because you're feeling lonely and restless for some reason today. Bobby is on a case, leaving you on your own until his wife Katherine will be bringing you lunch today around eleven. You embarrassingly miss Holly when you haven't heard from her all morning, and it's nice to talk with someone you actually like.

_How pathetic!_

Curling onto your side, you lean into the phone, absently wondering if the hard plastic is making a permanent impression on your ear.

"It's not that bad." You can hear the indulgent smile in her voice, "You're the one who lived with them for over a year..."

Savoring the last bit of sugary goodness on your tongue, you smile at the memory. You must be turning into a needy loser because you miss them too, your boys. Not that you would admit that to anyone. You swallow and reply more brusquely than necessary. "I know, I know... But seriously, how can you breathe trapped in a van with Chris wearing gallons of that nasty sex cologne."

"Gail..." Traci chides. You can tell she is trying hard not to laugh.

"What?!" You counter, "admit it."

"Ok, maybe just a little." She chuckles.

You fight down the disgusting, warm wave of nostalgia and loss you feel as you think about your old life as a real cop with the TOPD, knowing in reality it kind of sucked. God you hate this pregnancy thing! You can't wait for it to be over!

_Stupid hormones!_

_Stupid waiting for your due date!_

_Stupid bed rest!_

The call waiting on your phone beeps rudely at you and you realize it's the station calling. "Hey Trace, I got to go, I got to get this," you tell her, rolling back onto your back, "But you'll be here Monday night, right?"

The smile forming on your lips as the warm, happy feeling is back at the thought of seeing Traci in just four days makes you laugh ironically to yourself. You have missed her too, maybe most of all.

"You bet!" Traci sounds excited "I wouldn't miss being part of your birth team for anything in the world, Gail."

"You just had to go there." You roll your eyes and groan, even if you can't help your smile growing wider. "Gross!"

"And Gail..." She laughs at you.

"What?" You interrupt warily.

"I can't wait to meet Holly!"

You roll your eyes again. "Kay, bye!" You hang up on her and pick up,the incoming call. "This is Peck!"

Bobby's voice is hushed and slightly harried, "Gail! Thank goodness you picked up!"

"What's going on?" You whisper back.

"Listen, Kate is on her way over now, don't panic..." He sounds slightly panicked

You sit up abruptly, holding your side as the kid pokes her feet into your ribs at your sudden movement. "What's going on Bobby? Is it Holly? Please tell me she's ok!"

Your freak out begins to take hold, heart pounding wildly against your ribs and your stomach leaping into your throat. You struggle to breathe, your mind reeling, the edges of your phone biting into your tightening grip as you wait for his response.

"No! No, it's not Holly. I'm sure she's fine, even though she isn't answering her phone." He tells you. "Kate started trying to reach her as soon as she heard..."

You gulp in oxygen, bracing one hand against the arm of the couch in an attempt to steady yourself. "What is it?" You manage to gasp.

"Your mother is here." He says, steadily.

"What the...! " The temperature in the room plummets, along with your stomach, the doughnut you just ate turning to lead and weighing you down. "What do you mean by here, Bobby?"

"She came storming in to the station about ten minutes ago, raising all kinds of hell, demanding the Captain tell her where you are." He whispers urgently.

"She did What?!" You knew things had to be going too well lately. Why does your mother's presence always manage to reduce you to feeling like a child of about five years old? You sigh, and hold your head in your hands. You feel panic clawing at you again. "She's not supposed to even fucking be here until next week! Damn it!"

The kid kicks you and stretches out uncomfortably in response to your tightening abs. "Ow! Fuck!" You shout in response to a particularly sharp jab to your liver. Resisting the urge to simply fling your phone across the room in your frustration into one of the exposed brick walls with all your might, you take a beep breath and manage to grumble, "Uh... Sorry Bobby."

He ignores your sudden outburst and continues, "They're arguing about it right now. She is threatening him, trying to pull rank, but he won't give out any of your personal information, including where you're staying, without your permission. "

_God, you wish you were a fly on the wall of his office right about now. You know just how well Captain Yoshida takes to being threatened, and how immobile he can be once he digs his heels in. She must be livid!_

You can't help feeling just a bit smug as the realization hits you. Your controlling mother has no power here. You take a deep breath and smile. For the first time in your life, your family doesn't have the power to meddle in your personal affairs simply by pulling rank. For the first time in your life, the people you work with actually have your back. Maybe moving here was the best thing you could have done after all. You wish you had another doughnut, as you look out the large, bright windows at the morning sky. You really don't want to deal with Elaine right now.

"Ok Peck, she doesn't know I'm here, yet. What do you me to do?" Bobby sighs, knowing full well what a shit show your relationship with your parents has been lately. "Would you like me to run interference?"

You want to tell him to run as fast as he can as far away from her as possible. But you don't. "It's ok Bobby, if you could find out where she's staying, you can tell her I will call her later."

You groan, knowing you've been avoiding your mother's calls for the past week, but you never truly expected her to show up at your apartment and then at your place of work when you weren't there. Your call waiting beeps again.

_Steve. Of course it is._

"Listen," you tell him, "this is my brother. I gotta go. Don't worry. I'll deal with this."

"Ok kiddo!" Bobby replies, "I'll see you later. And good luck!"

"What do you want Steve?" You growl as you pick up the incoming line. "Calling to be Mother's little spy?"

"Come on Gail, you know it's not like that." He says softly. His poor attempt to placate you only serving to annoy you more.

"What is she doing bothering my boss at work? In fact, what is she doing here at all?" You can't help the anger you feel from creeping into your voice.

"Why are you always so hard on her?" He counters, "I mean, I know how she can be, but she does love you..."

"No!" You interrupt, "No, no, Steve, you do not get to do this. Not now. Not this time."

"Come on Gail..." He whines.

"Nope!" You pop the P in a way that you know annoys him. "You are not going to guilt trip me this time!"

"Gail." His voice softens in a way that usually breaks your resolve. "This is her first grandchild. She knows you're on bed rest. Of course she's going to worry when everything she sent got returned because nobody is at your apartment to receive it. Of course she's going to worry when she sends someone over to make sure you're ok, and you're not home."

You growl with frustration, feeling the crease in your forehead ache as it becomes a permanent furrow. You reach up and rub it gently, feeling the edges of the scars left behind by roughly done field stitches. You close your eyes tighter, willing away the bitterness from the memory of being alone in the hospital without a single word from anyone in your actual family. And now this. You know you should be grateful, but you hate it when your mother tries to make up for her maternal absenteeism with an overbearing presence that feels both fake and smothering at the same time.

"Everything she sent? Steve, what do you mean by, everything she sent?" You know your voice is pinched and pained, but you can't seem to help it.

Call you superstitious, but you have been reluctant to do a whole lot of baby shopping until the kid is born. You know from experience just how fragile life can be and you aren't taking any chances. You've even postponed the baby shower your colleagues at the station are throwing for you until a week after your scheduled C-section, blaming your health and wanting to have your friends from Toronto in attendance. It's not like you've done nothing to get ready for the kid's arrival. Holly's friend Rachel is loaning you a crib and a changing table from her last child, claiming that after having finished potty training her third she hopes she won't ever need them again! And the tiny green Yoda hat, mitts and booties Ana Sophia from the night dispatch knit for you have got to be the cutest, most thoughtful thing anyone has given you!

"Don't be such a loser! You might try to appreciate it for a change when Mom does something nice for you!" He huffs.

"Ok look, Steve, you can tell Mother to stop bothering my boss at work. I'm fine and I will call her later." Sitting up taller, you let your feet hit the floor.

"So you'll let her know where you are when you get off the phone with me." He states.

You know that you shouldn't, but you can't help yourself as you push yourself to your feet and begin to pace. "Nope! Nope! Do not put words in my mouth!" You retort. "I said I'll call her later!"

"I know what that means Garbage Pail Gail!" He insists, "Promise me you'll actually call her!"

"Yes Loser, I will actually call her!" You feel the beginning of a contraction building at the base of your spine as you turn suddenly to pace back across the room. You try to ignore it.

"When?" He presses, "Tell me exactly when she should expect to hear from you."

Pain and nausea rip through you, causing you to stop, and grunt, and stagger, leaving you breathless, panting, unable to catch your breath.

_Shit_.

"Whatever Steve!" You finally manage.

"Come off it Gail!" He angrily replies. 

Clutching at your stomach, you stagger to the couch as you feel another contraction building.

"Don't be such a fucking baby!" He taunts, mistaking your silent distress for obstinance.

"Look, I gotta go!" You grunt as the next contraction begins. You can hear him cursing and calling your name as you hang up the phone.

_Fuck_.

As you lose your breakfast into the wastebasket you know that you're in trouble. You reach for you phone to dial nine one one, but Steve is calling you again and you refuse to answer. You have barely caught your breath when you feel a gush of wetness between your legs and the onslaught of another intense contraction beginning. You know you need help! If you could only get yourself to your car... Flailing, you right yourself and try to stand. Your phone is ringing again. Two steps toward the door is all you manage before pain brings you to your knees, and the world goes dim. Red hot tentacles threaten to squeeze you to death and tear you apart at the same time as you curl into a ball on the floor. The kid is pressing hard into your pelvis, and you resist the overwhelming urge to push because you know you shouldn't. You gag and cry as the agony becomes more intense, crushed under the wave of each contraction as they hit, knowing you are going to die. The sound of a door opening, and hurried footsteps barely register through the haze of your misery.

"Gail?" Holly's firm hands are gripping your biceps, helping you to roll over onto your back. "Oh Honey!"

Her hands feel wonderful and cool on your face. Maybe you are already dead. You know that Holly is off on a boat somewhere.

"I need an ambulance NOW! " You hear her command in her most authoritative voice. "I am a doctor!" She states with deadly malice, "No, God damn you, this is urgent! I have a high risk pregnancy about to give birth on the floor of my apartment! If anything happens to her I will hold you personally responsible."

The world dims as the next contraction overtakes you. You can feel her hands gently, but firmly removing your wet sweatpants.

"It's ok, it's ok..." She soothes, "do you think we can get you back to the couch?"

All you can do is whimper.

There is a knock on the door and she's gone. Blistering flames erupt in your abdomen, like knives, hotter and sharper than before. You curl into yourself, muffling your cries with your fist. You are vaguely aware of the sound of emergency personnel radio chatter, and the scuffle of footsteps entering the room with something heavy on wheels, and then the world goes dark, and pain is all you know.


	24. Birth Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail's baby arrives at last! And so does everybody else...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your continued support! Your comments keep me writing!

There are voices murmuring in the distance. You wish that they would go away and let you sleep. You are exhausted and sore, feeling as if your entire body has been used as a punching bag, and your head feels like it's three times its normal size. You begin to panic as you try to move and find that your body isn't exactly under your control.

Fuck!

Your head starts to throb in sync with the increase of your heart rate. The world is a fuzzy blur, and the voices are getting closer. You try not to make a sound as you struggle to assess your situation, but you must have involuntarily whimpered as you attempted to turn over, causing a sharp pain to stab you in your gut. Your fingers hit the edge of a tender medical dressing wrapped around your considerably flatter belly.

Holy shit! The kid! Where is your kid?

Full blown panic erupts in your chest! You need to find your baby!

There is the harsh sound of metal on metal before the bed dips under someone's weight. Soft, firm hands grip your shoulders pushing you down into your pillows, and then lean in to grab you up into an embrace, soothingly stroking your hair and the sides of your face.

"It's ok. It's ok." Holly murmurs into your ear, "Honey? Can you open your eyes for me?"

Thank God!

"Holly?" You manage to whisper as you look into the most beautiful eyes you have ever seen.

"I'm right here!" She smiles softly at you.

"Whaaa...what happened?" You breathe out.

"Don't you remember?" The concerned look is back as she sits up giving you some much needed space.

"Give me a sec..." You take a deep breath, lick your lips, and struggle to sit up in spite of the pain. And you do.

Snippets of disjointed memory come floating back to you almost as if you were watching it happen to someone else; the ambulance ride from hell where every tiny jostle, every bump was pure agony, the early arrival of your mother, Bobby's phone call, and Steve's, and the blood. So much blood. And then watching the EMTs put a scalpel to your flesh as they pressed the plastic mask on to your face and injected you with something that made everything go dark.

"Oh my God! Holly!" You grasp weakly at the collar of her shirt, "The kid! Is she? Is she...?"

"She's beautiful," Holly smiles crookedly at you, eyes brimming with shy affection, "just like her mom!"

"What... Where..." You furrow your brow trying to think.

"The nurse will be bringing her in in a minute. Just in time for you to feed her." Holly's smile gets bigger.

"Oh." You sigh, "how long have I been out of it?"

"Almost thirty six hours. You lost a lot of blood." Holly reaches out to smooth a stray strand of your hair.

You are just about to ask another question when the nurse appears pushing a tiny bed in front of her.

"Hi! I'm Suzanne!" She chirps at you, "Welcome back! Can you please tell me your name and date of birth?"

You roll you eyes and suppress a groan. Why, oh why does the universe keep sending you people like this Candy Striper Barbi?

"Gail Peck, November eighteenth, nineteen eighty seven, badge eight seven two seven." You reply automatically.

She eyes your chart and smiles toothily at you. Nattering away at you about how lucky you are, you tune her out as you begrudgingly allow her to take your blood pressure and your temperature. You can see Holly turn toward the window, trying hard not to laugh behind her.

"Ok then Gail, I bet you can't wait to meet your little bundle of joy! Here we go!" Candy's sugary sweet voice grates on you, but before you can reply she turns away to pick the kid up out of her crib.

You reach out automatically to receive the warm, squirming, bundle ignoring the ache in your abdomen and the sharp tug of stitches being stretched on your skin. You hold her close, your daughter, as she kicks and yawns toothlessly, and tries to fight her way out of the constraints of the blankets to reach for you. Your daughter. You can't believe how much you can possibly love this tiny human you just met! And then she opens her clear blue grey eyes, and you melt completely knowing that you would do anything in the world for her. You reach out with tender fingers to touch the feather soft mop of reddish blonde hair you can see poking out from under the rainbow knit cap on her head, and you can't believe you made anything this perfect! She reaches out and grips your fore finger in her surprisingly strong little fist as she nuzzles at your breast.

"Well!" Suzanne interrupts your reverie, "Somebody's hungry!"

"Thanks Candy, we'll take a couple of cheeseburgers with bacon and mayo, hold the tomatoes, a large order of fries, and a couple of chocolate malteds." You reply without looking up from your daughter."Oh, and a large coffee with milk, no sugar. And the same for Holly, except only one cheeseburger, and she takes her coffee black."

Suzanne laughs nervously, "Uhm, I meant the infant! Would you like us to teach you how to nurse her?"

You narrow your eyes at her, and lick your lips, "Seriously Candy? I haven't eaten anything since yesterday, and I need to keep up my strength. Don't touch me. I think that we can take this from here."

"Uh, my name is Suzanne..." She stutters as you glare.

"Whatever." You reply, clearly unimpressed, "Food. Coffee. Now. Go." You demand. You really can't deal with her chipper presence for one moment more. Your stomach grumbles loudly as if to illustrate your point. "Now scram!" You jerk your thumb at the door.

Candy Striper Barbi looks like you've just slapped her puppy. She's about to reply, but her eyes widen as your glare intensifies and she scuttles silently out the door.

"Gail!" Holly has tilted her head and is looking over her glasses at you with her stern librarian face.

"What?" You reply innocently, trying not to laugh.

She crosses her arms and tries to look scathing, but you can see her lips twitch, and you know that you've won.

"You're incorrigible!" She huffs.

You grin cockily back.

"And chances are, going to be just like you." She gives in to a smile then, and comes over to sit with you on the bed.

"Probably." Your grin gets bigger, "You know you love it!"

"I do." She says quietly, looking into your eyes with such open vulnerability you can't help but to lean in and kiss her.

Your daughter squirms between you and begins to cry.

Without a word, Holly undoes the ties of your hospital Johnny and and helps you to pick up one of your breasts as you maneuver the kid into place. It takes her a moment, but then she latches on and begins to suck hungrily. It's an odd but blissful sensation. Holly leans in so your foreheads are barely touching, and places one hand lovingly on the kid's round, little belly. Although you will never in a million years admit it to her, you suddenly understand every disgustingly mushy thing Traci has been trying to tell you about bonding with your partner and child.

"She's so amazing Holly! I still can't believe she's really mine!" You whisper in awe, just as the Kid begins to make happy grunting and slurping noises as she eats.

"Oh, I can believe it now." Holly replies with a smirk.

"Nice." You glare at her sharply, but she simply chuckles at you and pulls you in for a brief kiss.

You close your eyes and allow your head to drop to her shoulder as you sigh, content.

At the sound of a camera shutter going off, your eyes fly open, and you automatically flip the offending person standing there the bird.

Nick.

Shit.

He laughs at you, shaking his head for a moment, and then breaks into a huge smile. You feel Holly stiffen next to you and pull away.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Is... Is that our daughter?" He asks, grinning so broadly you're sure it must hurt.

"Yup!" You reply, grinning like a fool back, any snarky comment you might have made dying at the look of love and joy on his face as he looks at her.

You know how he feels.

"I should go..." Holly says, rising abruptly.

The kid lets go of your breast with a pop accompanied by an unhappy squeak at the loss of contact, and begins to make fussy whimpering noises.

No! No, no, no, no, no! This can't be happening! But before you can do or say anything, Nick walks straight into the room.

"You must be Holly!" He says softly.

She nods, uncharacteristically not meeting his eyes, looking at the floor, not saying a word, and you can tell she's trying not to cry. All you can do is watch as he walks right up to her and pulls her into a hug. You see her stiffen, her arms remaining at her sides.

"Thank you!" You hear him whisper into her hair, "Thank you for being here. Gail is lucky to have you. Don't go"

You watch as her arms come up to return the hug then. They stay that way for a moment before breaking apart to eye each other cautiously.

"I'm lucky to have her too!" You hear Holly state fiercely, causing your breath to hitch chest to overflow with glowing affection.

"As much as I hate to break up this perfect Hallmark moment," you say dryly, "Nick, how did you get here?"

"Oh yeah, uh right!" He smiles somewhat shyly, ushering Holly to sit back on the bed with you as he pulls up a chair, "We drove here just as soon as we got the news that you had gone into labor. I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner! I heard you had a rough time."

"We?" You narrow your eyes suspiciously at him.

"Traci and Chloe wouldn't let me drive myself." He replies. "They're waiting for me to text them before they come up."

You groan and the kid starts to squirm in your arms again.

"Gail?" He says softly, and you can see the longing in his eyes, "Can I hold her?"

"Of course." You tell him, but make no move to hand her over.

As he picks her up out of your arms she last out a resounding belch, yawns, and smacks her lips. Nick begins to laugh.

"What?" You glare at him.

"At least there is no doubt who her mother is." He snickers at you, until she belches again and spits up on his shirt.

And now it's your turn to laugh at him. Holly gets up, shaking her head and smiling at your antics to hand him a damp towel. Once the mess has been cleaned up and your daughter is sleeping peacefully snuggled into his chest in the crook of his arm, you have to admit to yourself, Nick is going to be a great Dad!

"She's so beautiful!" He says in a hushed voice, and you know just how he feels. "Have you decided on what you want to name her yet?"

"I was thinking, Jerry Elizabeth Peck." You reply with a shy smile, nervously waiting for what seems like forever for him to respond, "If you think that would be ok."

There are unshed tears in his eyes as he finally looks up at you, "You want to name her after my baby sister, Lizzie?"

"Uh, yeah," You feel yourself flush as your heart clenches just a little, "Unless you think it's a terrible idea..."

Holly reaches for your hands as you fidget with the edge of the blanket when he doesn't respond right away. You grasp on to her harder than you mean to, before quickly letting go.

"I know. You know, that's ok." You gesture dismissively, "I didn't mean to... I guess it was a bad..."

"No!" He interrupts, "I mean yes!" He continues as he watches your face fall, and Holly look puzzled, "I mean, wow Gail, Jerry Elizabeth Peck, that's perfect!"

"Really?" You smile hopefully at him. "You think so?"

"I think so too!" A quiet voice says.

You turn to find Traci standing in the doorway wearing a huge smile.

"You do?" You say feeling small and naked all of a sudden.

"Yeah," Traci smiles warmly at you, and steps into the room, closing the door behind her, "I do! It's perfect."


	25. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail's family visits from Toronto with opinions about what Gail should do with her life now.
> 
> To be continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience and continued support! Life has been crazy so updates come slowly. As always, your comments, tweets, kudos and PMs are like coffee and doughnuts are for Gail!

"Don't be ridiculous Gail!", Your mother chides without ever looking up from her sleeping granddaughter she is rocking gently in her arms. "You can barely take care of yourself properly."

You roll your eyes and sigh, too exhausted to be having this argument, again. An infection has kept you in the hospital for three days longer than expected, and left you exposed to having prolonged visits from people like your parents. 

"Mother! I'm fine, we're fine!" You insist as you close your eyes against her inevitable response. "And besides, Nick is here, and I also have Holly."

Holly and Bobby have gone back to work, your friends from your rookie class of the TOPD are out doing the tourist thing, and helping Nick move into his new apartment, leaving you alone with your parents for most of the day.

"Ned!" She scoffs, "He was never a particularly good boyfriend. So unreliable. I don't see how you can possibly believe he's going to be a much better father."

"Well Mother, Nick is Jerry's father, and he is here. He showed up." You reply, your eyes snapping open.

She ignores you and walks to the window, cooing and smiling at your daughter. She stands there for a moment, before turning to look at you. 

"But Darling, you know all I want is what is best for Elizabeth." She purrs with a wide eyed smile that makes your gut clench. "And for you as well, of course. Surely you can see that Ned isn't going to move here permanently. Your father and I have agreed that you may have the guest suite until we can find you something suitable near by."

"Her name is Jerry." You state through clenched teeth.

"What was that dear?" She purses her lips and raises her eyebrows, challenging you to reply.

"I said," you scoot to sit up taller, "her name is Jerry, Mother!"

You can feel you blood pressure rising as the color rises in your face, and a knot of frustration builds behind your eyes. 

"While your loyalty to detective Barber is commendable, Elizabeth is a far more appropriate name for a girl. Don't you think?" She smiles dangerously. You brace yourself. You can tell that she's about to go in for the kill. "I can't imagine that he would want his name used in a way that would be an embarrassment to her. Now, would you?"

You try to speak, but the words get caught in your throat.

"I know that Jerry would be proud and honored to have Gail's daughter named after him!" You hear Traci growl.

Traci! Thank God!

You look up to find her glowering at your mother from the doorway, your brother at her heels.

"If I were seeking your opinion, Tanya, I would have asked for it!" Your mother raises her eyebrows at her, with eyes like blue ice.

"Mother, be nice." Steve says softly, with a bemused expression.

"Stephen, I'm always nice." She replies, her expression softening, as her lips curl into a conspiratorial smile. "At any rate, I should be going. Your father and I have a dinner engagement at the Harvard Club this evening."

Of course they do.

She turns back to you, bends and straightens your covers a little. 

"I'll see you later Gail." She says, kissing your head.

Gliding across the room, she hands Steve your child.

"And do try and talk some sense into your sister." She commands as she kisses him breezily on the cheek before she exits the room.

"What the hell was that?" Traci exclaims, throwing herself into the chair next to your bed.

"Oh, you know..." You sigh, closing your eyes against the tears of frustration that suddenly threaten to come. You struggle to breathe as the weight that has settled on your chest becomes unbearably heavy.

"Sometimes... That woman...!" She replies grimly.

You open your eyes to find her sitting arms crossed, with a tight lipped grimace, and a determined scowl. The vehemence of her reaction surprises you. 

"Come on Traci," Steve says, sitting down on your bed as Jerry begins to squirm and whimper, "she only wants what she thinks is best for her family, and her bark is worse than her bite."

"Even you can't possibly believe that!" Traci glares at him.

You reach over and take your daughter from his arms. You lift the bottom of your t-shirt to offer her a breast as she begins to cry.

"Ugh, Gail! Really?!" Steve makes a face and looks away, "Gross!"

"What!" You glare at him, "She's hungry!"

Traci starts to laugh softly at him.

"Why can't you just give her a bottle, like a normal person?" He whines.

"Moo!" You say to him, making Traci laugh harder. Then turning to her, "I don't know how you did it! She's not even a week old, and my nipples already want to fall off my body."

"When Leo was a baby, I was in school, and then at the academy, so I did a lot of pumping and freezing." Traci smiles at you in a motherly way. "But you have to find the right breast pump..."

"You know what?" Steve interrupts, "I'm gonna go see if there is anything good in the cafeteria."

He stands up brushing the imaginary dust from his jeans, and strides towards the door.

"What's wrong Steve? Can't take a little girl-talk?" You taunt him.

"Just..." He screws up his face and waves his hands frantically at you, "Ugh, gross! Yeah, just no!"

"Nice." You deadpan, and then stick your tongue out at him.

Traci gets up, shaking her head and laughing at your antics. "Well," she says, "if you are going to the cafeteria you could bring us back some coffee." She smiles and kisses him.

"Eeew!" You exclaim, "Just for that disgusting display of PDA, you can bring us back some cake too! Now scram, before you make me lose my appetite!"

"I highly doubt that anything I could do would make you lose your appetite, Garbage Pail!" He shoots back at you before scooting out the door.

The kid lets go of your breast with a stretch, and a loud belch. She looks up at you with her slightly unfocused, but alert blue eyes, as if she can't wait to see and learn everything, and once again you are in awe. She smacks her lips, yawns, and stretches without ever looking away from you, filling your chest with a warmth that grows and threatens to explode. It's like you simply can't believe how incredibly perfect she is! As her tiny eyebrows knit together, Traci reaches for her.

"Here, let me." She says, "I bet she needs to be changed."

"Are you sure?" You reply half heartedly, happy not to have to get out of bed.

"Oh Gail, I've changed so many diapers, I'm like a baby changing machine!" Traci smiles at you, "And besides, you should rest up and take it while you can. I hear that the two of you will probably be going home tomorrow. You'll have your hands full soon enough!"

"Well thanks," you chuckle, "I won't argue with you."

"So... Holly, huh." Traci looks up at you with sparkling eyes.

"Yeah." You smile shyly back at her.

"You know, she let me tag along with her yesterday." Traci sighs, "I wish our forensics people were that efficient and detail oriented!"  
"Don't let my mother hear you say that! She'll try to snatch Holly away to Toronto in a heartbeat." You say with a frown.

"Would that be so terrible?" She asks. "We miss you!"

"I highly doubt that." You groan.

"You're a good cop, Gail." She tells you, "I'm sure they would let you come back now, if you reapplied."

"Not you too..."you moan.

"I miss you." She says quietly. 

She busies herself with dressing Jerry, and picks her up. You feel yourself blush at the wave of affection you feel for the woman who has become possibly your closest friend as you watch her settle into the chair next to you with your daughter in her arms.

Damn you pale skin!

And you realize that she deserves an actual response.

" I like it here Traci." You tell her, "And the people here actually seem to like me. They respect me. They judge me for the kind cop I am, and the job I do, not what my name is, or how many white shirts are in my family."

Eyes glowing softly with warmth and pride as she smiles at you, she says, "I'm happy for you Gail! How can anyone argue with that?"


	26. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly comes home early after Nick takes Jerry for a long weekend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may be the last chapter. Thank you for all of your support! Special thanks to Weed, Scoot, Gem, Saz, Maddie, Luce, and ABC, and everyone else who has been reading and commenting along the way!

The loft is so quiet without Jerry. You lounge naked and lazy on Holly's big comfortable bed listening to the drone of an airplane flying low overhead, and the sound of traffic and birds drifting through the open windows along with a soft cool breeze. Nick has taken your daughter for a three day weekend before you have to return to work, and you can't remember the last time you were left completely alone and to your own devices with nothing to do and no one to bother you. You worry, briefly, if whether the momentary relief you are feeling makes you a terrible mother, before you allow the soft hum from the ceiling fan lull you back to sleep. You came back up here full from a breakfast of pancakes and bacon with Nick and Jerry at your favorite diner, and then crawled back into bed, still warm from the shower. Home. This place feels like home. 

After snapping awake from sleep to being fully alert at the sound of the front door closing, when you open your eyes the light has shifted. Although she is never clumsy, no matter how hard she tries, Holly can never do anything quietly. She tries though. You find yourself smiling at her efforts. You mentally map her progress through the downstairs living space, following the rattle of her keys in the glass bowl by the door, the thud of her shoes as they are kicked off, the sound of the refrigerator door opening and the clink of bottles as she rummages for something to drink. You smile to yourself as you wait for her to come find you. There is the shuffle of paper as she goes through the day's mail, and then the creak of her footsteps on the stairs.

You aimlessly wonder if you should play the game you like to call hiding in plain sight with her the way you used to with Nick, and Dov, and Chris, where you would silently position yourself in the same room with them, sit perfectly still until you knew they thought they were alone, and then say something knowing you would scare the daylights out of them. They would yell, and you would laugh. It was a game your mother used to play with you and Steve when you were little to make sure you were always aware of your surroundings, only the stakes were higher then. If she was able to startle you, you lost something precious to you, from dessert for a week, when you were little, or later when you were a teenager, your car keys for a month. As you grew older, it got harder for her to get a reaction, so she began to try a different tack. Once, when she snuck up on you as you were playing video games, she grabbed your shoulder and made you jump. She took away the new Game Boy you had just bought with your babysitting money for that, and when you protested she gave it away to someone in her division. The only reason you were allowed to replace it was because Steve convinced her that combat simulation games helped to improve your real life target practice scores, as well as your reaction times and scores in police certification tests like "shoot, don't shoot". It didn't matter that you were only sixteen and barely out of the first semester of your junior year in high school. It was never too early to begin preparing for the tests that, as your mother would tell you, tests that would make an impact on your career in the Toronto Police force. You frown and close your eyes with a sigh, determined let your daughter make her own decisions about what she wants to do with her life.

You hear Holly pause at the top of the stairs, and you realize she is probably wondering if you are asleep, if she should disturb you. You can see her in your minds eye, gazing at the bed with that goofy, love sick expression, the one that she denies even to you when you say something about it, head tilted to one side, soft smile spreading like the rain on arid land, hands clutching at the hem of her shirt. Fondness for her swells in your chest until you can no longer contain it. Thrusting your arms forward, toward her, you stretch out your hands and beckon demandingly at her as a child might. Feet shuffle compliantly in your direction and you hear her scoff gently at you under her breath. The side of the bed dips under her weight, covers are ripped asunder, before hands grip your ribs and the coolness of her cheek and lips press into your midriff.

"Did you really spend the day in bed?" She teases, pulling back to sit up and smirk at you.

"Maybe... Who wants to know?" You widen your eyes in mock innocence.

"Gail..." She tilts her head and grins.

"Well, I did have to get up earlier when Nick came by to pick up Jerry." You reply, "And he insisted on taking us out for breakfast."

"Oh really." She smiles knowingly. "So, does this mean you won't be hungry until dinner time?" She teases you. 

Since you have been breast feeding Jerry, she knows you really are always hungry! You stare back at her in mock horror. Her smile gets bigger.

"Is that a no?" She asks, as she pokes you in the ribs.

"Holly!" You whine, grabbing her wrists, holding her hands still. 

The superior smirk fades as she stares into your eyes, replaced by warmth and something deeper. It's been a while, you realize, since Holly has looked at you with such open longing, since before Jerry was born. It makes you swallow hard and lick your lips as your mouth suddenly goes dry. You know she hasn't wanted to push you, and frankly, you've been too sore, and sleep deprived, and busy learning how to be a new mom to even think about sex, until lately. You have caught her watching you, and briefly caught hunger flickering in her eyes, but by the time you were alone with her, you have both been too exhausted to do anything but sleep. In these past eight weeks since your daughter was born, and the two of you officially moved in to Holly's loft, she has been nothing but helpful,and patient with you, and awesome with Jerry. You hate to admit that for the first time in your life, the thought of someone closely examining your body is making you nervous. Sure you were nervous the first time you had sex with Holly, having never done it with a woman before, but this is different. Now you have stretch marks, and flabby hips, and a sagging tummy for God's sake! You know that Holly will probably laugh at you if you say something about it, as Katherine already has. All your life you've never been friendly, or down to earth, or open, but physically, you've always known you were hot, and now, well, now you have your doubts. You sit up suddenly, pushing those thoughts away as you reach for the hoodie you have stashed under your pillow and pull it around you. 

"How do you think Nick and Jerry are doing? Do you think I gave him enough frozen milk? What if something happens?" You begin to deflect.

"What do you think is going to happen Gail?" Holly leans in to look you in the eye, rubbing your thighs affectionately with both hands.

"I donno." You look away and fidget with the edge of the bedsheets. 

"Do you want to call him?" She asks, trying to keep the amusement out of her voice, and failing.

"Not really. No." You shrug, "I'm sure he'll just laugh at me and tell me that I worry too much. I mean it's not like he's never had her overnight before..." 

"It's ok honey, I miss her too." She replies, reaching out to play with your bangs.

"Holly..." You look up at her then.

"Yes, Gail..." You can see the twinkle in her eye as she responds.

"Do you think I'm fat?" You ask suddenly.

You expect her to tease you, but she doesn't. Her eyes are dark and warm as she cups your chin in her fingers and replies, "I think you're beautiful." 

"Oh really." You breathe out, suddenly shy.

"Mmmmm... Uh huh..." Still holding your face as she leans in to stop just millimeters away, "so beautiful." She murmurs.

You hear yourself whimper her name in anticipation of what comes next. And then she kisses you, full and deep, leaving you breathless. Clutching at the collar of her shirt, you lean back, kissing her harder as you pull her on top of you. Just then your phone begins to ring. Holly groans, and you sigh as strains of the Imperial March fill the room, breaking the mood. She bangs her head lightly into your shoulder and you know how she feels. 

Looking up at you she grumbles, "Your mother really is an evil Sith Lord! You know that, right?"

Elaine does seem to have a sixth sense about the two of you finally having the time and space to start even thinking about sex. You remove your hand from Holly's breast, and stretch out your arm, making a circular motion in the direction of your phone with your fingers.

"These are not the droids you're looking for." You say, as your phone goes to voicemail. It pings once, and starts ringing again.

She sighs. "Maybe you should answer it. You know how she gets." Her voice sounds resigned.

"Nothing to see here." You say louder, glaring more forcefully at it. You can feel Holly beginning to shake with silent laughter. 

"Move along!" You command, and the ringing stops.

Turning your head, you grin triumphantly up at her. She snorts, and laughs harder.

"The force is strong with this one!" She snickers.

You roll your eyes, but you can't help the giggle that bubbles up from your chest at this gorgeous, ridiculously adorable nerd on top of you. You slap her lightly on the ass, and she gasps, laughter fading, replaced by a hunger in her eyes you can feel in the pit of your stomach. You arch your eyebrows at her and repeat the action. A breathy "oh" escapes her lips as she pushes back into your hand. She bites her lower lip as you idly rub where your hand has landed. 

"Oh really?" You tease, as your hand creeps lower, watching her nostrils flare slightly in response, "I never knew..." 

"Me either..." She husks, "but apparently..." 

You see her shy crooked smile before she leans in to kiss you. When she pulls back you can feel her heart beating against your chest.

"Why are you wearing so many clothes?" You manage to say, as you catch your breath.

"I can fix that!" She says, looking deep in to your eyes, before rolling off of you to stand next to the bed.

You watch her, watching you as she unbuttons her shirt, and removes her bra. You lick your lips, swallowing hard as the zipper of her jeans is undone, and they land in an unceremonious heap along with her underwear and the rest of her clothes. All the while her eyes never leave yours. It always amazes you how Holly can make you feel everything you never thought you were even capable of. As she crawls back on top of you, you realize it's the warmth, and light in her eyes as she looks at you that keeps you interested, that keeps you here. 

You roll over, pulling away from where your bodies have melted together, her hair tickling your nose as it spreads like a weed across the crisp blue sheets, and take a moment to watch her sleeping in the cool blue light of early evening. Noticing your absence, she begins to stir, and stretch, and reach for you once more. 

"Hey." She breathes out with a soft smile meant only for you.

"Hey." You whisper back, reaching out to brush the errant strand of hair from her face.

She rolls onto her side, propping herself up on her elbow to mimic your stance.

"You know what I've been thinking?" She asks.

"No." You smile back at her, "Not if you don't tell me."

"You are such an ass..." She chuckles, shaking your bicep jovially.

"Oh really, that's what you've been thinking." You reply, "I would think that you would be thinking about how awesome I am, and that thing I do with my tongue that you seem to like... A lot."

"Mmm.. That too. But, I've been thinking that we should buy the loft next to mine when the Andersens move out in August. And then we could expand, and give Jerry a real room of her own." She says, smiling her secret smile at you.

"You do?" You don't know what to say as you feel embarrassing tears forming behind your eyes.

"Uh huh." She says gently, running her thumb across your cheekbone. "I want this to be permanent, for us to be permanent. I want us to be a real family, and to build a real home."

"With me?" You manage to squeak, your heart pounding in your chest.

She looks deep onto your eyes, cupping your jaw in her fingers, and replies, "With you. Please say yes?"

You can see everything in her eyes from vulnerability, to trust, to love. And so you say the only thing your heart will allow, "Yes, yes of course."


	27. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And in the end...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, given kudos, liked, reblogged, tweeted etc... for all of your undying support! Here is a little fluff and the happy ending Gail deserves!
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

The sun is higher now, sparkling, golden, dancing light, flashing on the slate blue of the river. The wooden slats of the park bench dig roughly into your thighs as you lean back, wilting in the oppression of August's sweltering tenure, although you still remain ever vigilant, watching. You feel the bench dip and shake under the bulk of your partner, who slaps a damp, cold, iced latte from your favorite coffee shop into your waiting hand without uttering a word. The bench shifts and creaks as Bobby leans back, peeling the lid off his own coffee cup, and stretching out his legs. Your amicable silence is broken by a whirlwind of messy amber curls, grass stained overalls, and bare feet running straight for you. Bright blue eyes peer expectantly up at Bobby as the child, hopping into place, comes to an abrupt stop, making you want to laugh, but you won't.

"I'm hungry! What did you bring me Uncle Bobby?" Your daughter demands.

Bobby does laugh. "You'll see kitten, but later when we meet your mom." 

"Nooooo! Now!" She moans impatiently.

"Jerry," you say in measured tones, getting her attention, "what have you done with your shirt, and where are your shoes?"

"It's too hot!" She turns and whines at you, "and 'sides, Edmond doesn't have to wear a shirt!" 

You sigh. Bobby is doing an impressive job of schooling his face into an impartial mask, although you still notice his amusement in the twinkle in his eyes and the slight pursing of his lips. You are going to kill him. Later.

"Jerry, when you go to kindergarten next month, you are going to be expected to keep all of your clothes on your body, no matter how hot it is out." You reply seriously.

Jerry pouts, pushing out her lower lip and crossing her arms. It is way too hot out, even in the shade by the river. Holly has taken a half day to start the long weekend. You and Bobby are waiting for her to get out of work so you can put the kids in the car and go meet Catherine, and Bobby's youngest daughter, Theresa, at Walden Pond for a picnic lunch and swimming.

"Look," you say softly, "I know how you feel, but go get your shirt and your shoes from wherever you left them, and bring them to me. And bring me Edmond's shirt too while you are at it!" 

"Mama, do I have to?" She scowls at you, still pouting with her arms crossed.

"Only if you want to go to Walden for swimming and a picnic lunch in a little bit." You raise your eyebrows and smile at her.

You watch your daughter gasp, jump into the air, spin around three times, before running off in the direction of the sandbox where Edmond is still sitting and probably building an entire sand city by now. 

Edmond came to live with you when he was five. He was one of the many children that arrived at Children's Floating Hospital from Uganda when their village was destroyed by war, and then a flood. He was recovering from surgery to fix a badly broken, poorly healed leg when you brought him home as a foster child. He was quiet and shy at first, hiding his dry sense of humor and how incredibly smart he is, and good with languages, learning to speak English almost as fast as you could speak it to him. He and Jerry became quickly inseparable, and now you can't imagine your life without him. That was almost three years ago. 

Jerry is back, dragging Edmond by the hand. He is carrying their discarded clothing and wearing a sheepish smile. 

"I'm sorry Mama G." He says quietly, putting his shirt back on, and toeing the ground with his still bare feet.

You sigh, as you take Jerry's shirt and hold it out to her. 

"Nooooooooo!" She whines while squinching up her face into a stubborn mask.

You always knew, as your mother likes to tell you, that you would get the daughter you deserve. And you, not so secretly, love it!

"You know," Bobby interjects, "the faster you put that on, the sooner you'll get to go swimming and have lunch."

Jerry snatches the shirt from your hands, pushes the straps of her overalls off her shoulders, and pulls it on.

"Not fair!" She grumbles with a pouty lower lip that makes you want to laugh at her, but you don't.

"If the two of you have everything you came here with, we should go." You tell them, brushing imaginary dirt off of your jeans, and getting up.

The shade at Walden Pond is thick and cool under the ancient oaks, and there is a slight breeze that was nowhere to be found in the city. Lounging in your camp chair, you watch your kids frolic in the shallows with Theresa and Holly. Catherine is talking to you about having your family join them when they harvest some vegetables from their community gardens later in the week. You grunt and nod, careful to seem like you are paying attention, but when Holly is wearing nothing but a tiny, black bikini top, and hopelessly short and frayed cut off short shorts, you find yourself drifting. You lose the thread of the conversation completely as she turns to smile at you and sunlight glints off the gem in her navel stud. You turn and realize that Catherine is looking at you expectantly.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" You blink, and query.

Bobby starts to laugh at you.

"Shut up Bobby!" You warn, as you slap his knee.

He laughs harder. You all pause to watch as Theresa forms a huddle with your kids, and they proceed to splash and chase Holly out into deeper water, as she splashes them back. She finally gives up and dives in with the three of them in hot pursuit. Catherine hands you another chicken and bacon sandwich, that you split with Bobby. There is a warm, full feeling in your chest that threatens to overflow. Tomorrow Nick and his new fiancé will be coming into town to spend the last two weeks before school starts with you, and take Jerry and Edmond to a cottage on the ocean for a few days. This is the family you never thought you could have. Your parents certainly never taught you how to do this, and yet here you are.


End file.
